8 year old boy becoming quite physical and full of fury

[Squeegle]

I don't quite know what to do about my 8 yo DS. He can be lovely, affectionate, fun, enthusiastic, etc., but when he gets angry he seems to be changing so he can't control his anger.

He's always been quite self centred and lacking in empathy, but I have been kind of working with it and hoping it will develop. His sister has a lot of empathy, so I was thinking its a boy/ girl thing. Don't know if that's the case or not really, but that's always been my theory.

But recently he has been getting more and more like what I would expect a teenager to be. Stroppy, rude, cheeky and quite insulting to me, with no recognition of how hard I work to make things right. This morning when I asked him to stop playing on his iPod, after giving him a 10 min warning, he got so cross- started calling me names and hitting me.

I have told him this is not acceptable, and have taken away his iPod for 2 days. He's now even angrier, doesn't get why I am so outraged, and thinks I am a wicked witch for not letting him do what he wants.

Has anyone experience like this, what did you do? And did it work? How long should they be allowed to play on an iPod every day do you think?

Hi. I don't think it's a boy thing, although they often seem very physical at that age, and unaware of their own strength. My 8 year old is physical, but doesn't have the anger thing.

Personally, I really limit iPods etc, more it less weekends only, and only for an hour or so.

Can you encourage more sport etc? I can't believe how much my eldest wants to do - he's played football today, and he's playing tennis later. The more sport the better it seems.

I would also have a zero tolerance on aggression, I'm afraid. If either if my boys hit me, they wouldn't get the iPod back. Ever! But I'm a bit strict like that.

Thanks for that, I think that's a great idea about sport; he doesn't really want to do football but he's a physical little chap, bubbling over with energy, and I'm sure that's connected.

Zero tolerance is a good idea. I need to push myself to be harder with him. He needs boundaries I think.

Sport also teaches discipline and boundaries. I was never a huge sports fan, but since having two boys, I completely get it.

If he doesn't like football, then tennis, athletics, swimming, rugby, cricket and the the multi sports they teach at local leisure centres?

I have an 8 yr old who is very similar, suddenly seems to have lost control of his anger with no ability to pull it back in. We have been very strict about consequences, the most effective is taking the DS away.
I think part of it is testosterone perhaps kicking in, he's getting older and has more of an idea of himself as an individual and that well developed sense of injustice that seems endemic ... I've tried talking it through. reasoning etc and sometimes it makes a difference but that's no use till he's calmed down.
However, it's been a long summer holiday without structure, and as others said, they need exercise and lots of it.
The school clubs start again next week, so it's hockey, multi sports, swimming lessons and Boys Brigade, which I reckon will help.
But I'll watch this with interest.

Yes, I wonder if it is testosterone - the change does seem to have been quite sudden, but I thought that would be later? It definitely feels like some kind of developmental stage...