At end of tether with 21 mo behaviour - please tell me this this normal

[matana]

Until now he's been an absolute angel. Of course he's had phases and bad days, but on the whole they've lasted a week at the most. He's been biting and hitting on and off for several months, but this latest bout is becoming intolerable and has lasted for several weeks. I have just spent 30 minutes doing a food shop with him screeching, trying to bite, hit and kick almost the whole way clearly out of boredom and frustration. I don't know how to respond any more because nothing seems to be working. He has the attention span of a goldfish with toys and games, his eating has totally gone to pot both in terms of what he will eat and how he eats it and he tantrums and whinges at the drop of a hat. This is all a far cry from his normal character which is so happy, fun and laid back. I know he's no longer a baby and is finding his feet and pushing boundaries, but i've begun to fear it's a permanent change and he will never get over this horrible biting and hitting phase. I can cope with his tantrums, but this physicality is really getting me down and i feel like an awful mum because i always seem to be saying "no don't do that" and making him frustrated. I'm trying to choose my battles, but sometimes he just kicks off for no other reason than boredom. On the plus side, his vocabulary is increasing by the day so i'm trying to focus on the positive. Will this ever end? If so, when? I want my lovely, smiley little boy back!

Unfortunately I have nothing to help you other than tell you you're not alone. Ds is 20 months and am struggling with the tantrums too. Will watch this thread with interest

Again no advice, going through the same thing with my 18 month old. She had another tantrum again because I wouldn't let her climb out the window. I did the ignore trick which used to work so she bit me [confuse]

Sounds like he's hit the terrible 2s a little early. Try distraction my DS also gets board in the trolly now, loves screaming at the top of his voice. I end up singing his favourite songs, or giving a snack. Anything to distract from the negative behaviour.

Try avoiding saying no, distract with lets do this. Play favourite game ect.

Don't worry about the food either it's totally normal for them to become fussy, just keep offering. Put food on plate if they eat it give lots of praise, if not take it away and make no fuss. Don't go offering lots of alternatives, it just reinforces them refusing. They won't starve.

Thanks. I gave him some raisins which i took with me, which worked until he'd eaten them and then started demanding every other fruit we walked past, tatruming when he wasn't given anything else. I try not to say no for most things, but i can't/ won't tolerate hitting and biting - it's getting very embarrassing as other children keep going home with bite marks from the CM. He needs to know it's unacceptable behaviour. When he doesn't eat something i don't offer him alternatives, though i am now trying to offer him new flavours as he seems to be bored of a lot of foods. I just feel like a terrible mum for always fighting him and it invariably ending in tears. I've had to start fighting him to brush his teeth too, or they never get brushed properly.

Matana, your situation sounds exactly like mine 2 months ago. My little boy is 20 months old and after an intensive 6 weeks of very firm boundaries we are out the other end. Biting wise, I spoke to the GB who advised to ignore completely- even if it really hurts. Just pick him up and suit him away from you on the other side of the r oom and ignore him until he isdoing something positive and then really praise him. If he continue to be naughty just move him away again until he does something positive you can praise (it can be a long process but they do get the message). DS never but other children but I guess the principle of moving him away from the fun still stands. In this situation I would also say something like 'we don't bite' in a calm voice and give the attention to the victim. When he comes back to the group in a positive way you can praise him. It worked in about 3 days for us but we did have blips for a few weeks. When out and about in shops I don't give a reaction to the biting, just continue on even if it really hurt and I have tears in my eyes. When shopping I givemy DS tasks- can you see the juice? Can you put the cheese in the trolley. I also bring a lunch box of snacks which I give in the last few aisles.

Teeth wise I just let DS brush them while a brush mine. I make silly noses while doing mine and he copies. Sometimes he likes to brush mine (with his brush :-) and brush hiss own with mine. I've taken the attitude that at least there's brushing happening. Over time he's now happier for me to brush his. At the end of the day, the teeth are being brushed to some degree, they are only his first ones and it means I'm not creating a negative culture around brushing his teeth being a boy it's going to be hard enough to get him to wash

I think the key is to relax and get it in perspective. It's a phase, he's developing quickly and is probably feeling out of control and frustrated he can t explain what her is thinking. If you are calm and relaxed, he will realise that he isn't getting attention from his naughty behaviour and it's more worth his while doing positive stuff.

Cranky, off his food and touchy about tooth brushing - is he teething? The later teeth can be very painful / slow to appear. I would offer some alternative to chew if he is biting. Ds has never been into teething toys but loves ice lollies made of smoothie.

Yes supermarket can be a nightmare, ensure you have plenty of snacks, get round fast or internet shop if possible. Ds likes to put things in the trolley for me, things can get a bit bashed but its better than screaming.

I wouldn't fight over the teeth brushing personally. What you do now is more about setting up habits and good associations for life. If its a horrible battle he will give up or do a shoddy job as soon as he is left to it. I use a variety of strategies - let him brush my teeth, brush bath toys teeth, give brush while he is watching tv / strapped in car, latest is splashing in the sink with food colouring or essential oils while brushing.

I would encourage the speaking so ask what he wants when having a strop. Repeat "DS wants X but mummy said no." Atleast you are showing you understand what he wants, even if he doesn't get it, sometimes this helps ds with his frustration.

It is such hard work sometimes but you have to make the best of the good times - bedtime stories or whatever and not dwell on the disasters. I think to some extent its easier when you've had a 'difficult' baby as the toddler stuff is not such a shock. Try and get some time out for yourself too.

DS2 22months will tantrum much more when he's tired/under the weather/ teething or some combination of the above.

Sometimes, I think that he's particularly bad, and he comes down with a cold, or I remember his naps have been bad for a couple of days etc...

It's not a fix, but I find a reason helps me to be a little less stessed / or more prepared for it. I tend to be more tolerant of irrational demands on the days that DS2 is tired!

DS1 (8) now has more tantrums than when he was tiny ....(they were rare for him unless teething) so I wish I could say it gets better.....

Just to add my penneth worth (though I'm struggling with my own DD's tantrums!) with the teeth brushing this was really becoming a problem for us & had tried brushing my teeth/ teddy which worked for a bit as did books but my super duper weapon has become a small sticker chat. You can buy them from Near the counter at waterstones/ smiths, come with a load of reusable stickers & under £2.. Dd gets a sticker when she has let me brush her teeth, she chooses her sticker & holds the chart whilst I'm brushing which is a bit of distraction & we talk about how everyone is going to say wow look at your shiny teeth littlelizard, aren't you clever. Then when it's all done she gets a sticker for her chart & a big cheer & clap. We've now got to the point where she will let me brush her teeth without holding chart & also waits for me to finish so she can have a turn at brushing them herself. Makes me feel pleased I've made some progress with this parenting lark!