over sensitive 3 and 1/2 year old

[pinkdolly]

My DD1 will be 4 at the end of June. Over the last couple of months she seems to have got very sensitive.

Generally she is a very well behaved and happy little girl. Extremely helpful, a mummy to her little sister, who will be 3 in August. I dont very oten have to tell her off, but when I do she crumples.

I know that no children like to be told off. But even if DD1 thinks that I am upset with her she gets very tearful and her whole face just falls apart. It really is heartbreaking.

This morning DD1 had found a toy that we had been looking for over a few days. She got so excited she was running and shouting and talking really fast and I couldn't understand her. I had to raise my voice slightly to be heard over her. I was only telling to calm down so I could hear her, but she thought I was telling her off. She just broke down and I spent the next 5 minutes trying to calm her down.

She is a very dainty little girl.
She goes to tap and ballet on a saturday, which she really enjoys (although she doesn't seem to mix with the other children).

She is quite often surrounded by boistrous children, including her sister, who is a proper little tomboy. My niece who is 7 and also very loud. And my friends children who are also quite loud. She plays lovely with them.

So I just dont know where this is coming from. I am a bit concerned about it, but dont know if I should be.

My friend is trying to get me to put her in playschool, as she feels this will do her good. But I know my DD and she doesn't do well in big groups. She can pay for things in shops for me and gets on well with people she knows. But she would be the child who sits in the corner and plays by herself at playschool.

Has anyone else got experience of this sort of behaviour? I'd be really interested in your opinions. Thanx

My son is 7 and is like this sometimes - usually when he is tired or something is on his mind. He is very chatty - with everyone, very socialable, intelligent child - he hates getting anything wrong and is distraught if he is told off (which isn't very often as he is so good) but when he does get told off it is the end of the world to him. My DD is 2.5 - he is very protective of her and me, and if any one upsets us - it upset him. He is very loving and I think just has a sensitive side to him. He loves playing with his mates a school - goes to cubs, likes playing all the usual boys games - but seemes to be tuned in to his feelings. He has been able to control it more as he gets older. I think your daughter sounds a little like this only probably more so. You can see when they are not themselves - but it is difficult to ask the right questions to get a response. Just keep giving her losts of re-assurance and love and she will learn to cope with her felings. My son went to nursery because I have to work - but he coped. Your Daughter will have to go to school soon - I would break her into the environment gently with pre-school then real school will not be such a shock to her. Good luck.

One of my daughters was like this when she was little - she was also terribly clingy. However, she went to school okay and I never had any trouble getting her in (she didn't cry). She is 14 now and still very sensitive. She can get upset about friends and so on - they hardly have to say anything and she is in tears. I think it is just how she is. She was also a very quiet child at nursery and school and it used to break my heart to think of her being upset by others.

However, at 14 she is a sensible well adjusted child who anyone would be proud of. I have told her now that she is oversensitive and she is able to compensate for it as she is older. I also tell her how she has a strong family and we will always be there for her - I think this has helped her too, because she knows she is always safe with us. I have always managed to have a really good relationship with her despite the teenage years and she is lovely. Really happy too (she actually said this the other day, which was brilliant). So don't worry, it is just a passing thing, but she may be sensitive as she gets older too.

One compensation is that you will never have to shout very loud when she is naughty!

Sounds just like my dd1!

I would agree that it's a good idea for her to go to playschool, to get used to the idea before she HAS to go to school. But I would choose the playschool carefully. I sent dd1 to one because a lot of the kids that would go to her eventual school went there, but she absolutely hated it and cried, wet herself, had night terrors etc etc etc for eight weeks before we eventually pulled her out and took her to a different one, much smaller, and she was fine. She moved again to go to school and had no problems.

It doesn't matter if she's the child that plays on her own in the corner - as long as she's happy doing that. I was very concerned about dd, thinking she had no friends and was terribly unhappy, but then my sister pointed out that actually I was projecting on to her my ideas of happiness, and actually, she was perfectly happy the way she was.

Hope you manage to work this out - I know exactly what you're going through!