Getting DS to school without a strop on PE days - accepting that he HAS to do PE.

[Clumsymum]

DS is just 13, just started year 8.

He HATES P.E. ! Academically very able (so used to succeeding), he has no ability at physical activities at all, and no desire to do any. Over the last few years we have tried everything, all sorts of encouragement, lots of different sports, DH tried taking him to karate (and doing it with him) but he gave it up after 5 months despite getting his first belt (DH continued going). He just doesn't like sport/physical activities, and I don't think he ever will.

Last year he made it obvious to both P.E. teachers that he would do the minimum required. The older teacher got better results from him than the younger one, who just meets him head-on, and gives him detentions (which just makes the situation worse).

Anyway today is first PE lesson of the year. Since 8 O'clock last night DS has tried to convince us that he had a sprained wrist and was starting an ear infection, and should have either a day off school or a letter excusing him from PE. Neither was forthcoming, and after a very trying hour from 6:30 a.m. DH finally managed to take him to school as usual - altho DH had to put PE kit in the car, so DS didn't try to go without it.
I have rung school to let them (PE teacher specifically) know how DS feels, and to make it clear that we have taken a good look at his wrist, and we are convinced that he has no injury, and should be encouraged to do PE today.

Tomorrow DS will have a 3 period PE lesson. I would really rather avoid the same chuffing performance tomorrow morning. What can I say or do (other than the stuff we kept saying last year - "we know you don't like it, but EVERYONE has to do it, how do you think kids who are rubbish at maths feel about maths lessons ? etc etc etc " ) ??

I'm a male and I used to hate doing P.E. when I was a kid partly because I was a bit chubby (moobs) and was embarrassed about undressing and having other kids take the piss. Although I also had no physical ability whatsoever.

It became such a big physiological issue that on P.E. days I would often not sleep the night before and be physically sick with anxiety the morning and lessons before hand. I also used to make up fake illnesses and when that stopped working I just school refused completely....

Could your DS have similar body issues or underlying anxiety at all? I would say it is important to distinguish whether this is a problem for DS or is he just a lazy sod?

This is probably not the right attitude to take - but really does P.E. matter so much that it is worth making a big issue out of it? Maths/English/etc is important and everyone needs to reach a certain standard, but In 4 years time no employer or university admissions tutor is going to give a toss about his performance (or lack of) in P.E.

Lurking - thanks for your reply.

Yes DS is a bit on the chubby side (partly cos he won't take any exercise), and may well have issues arising from that. He also has peculiar feet and doesn't like the other children seeing those. But the head of PE and I discussed that together with DS last year. His school is a very small one with SUPER pastoral care and good inclusion & anti-bullying strategies. I know they won't allow bullying to arise on this issue.

I agree that PE in itself might not be that important. But it is a compulsory part of the curriculum, and there is no way I could get him excused from it on a long-term basis. Nor would I want to. We all have to do things that we don't like in this world (I'm supposed to be doing my dreaded VAT return at this moment), and that is an important lesson DS has to learn.

The thing that concerns me is that you say "Since 8 O'clock last night DS has tried ...", To me that shows it is clearly a big issue for him if he is getting that worked up about that long before the class.

I mean is there a possible compromise here. If he hates the whole getting changed and lockeroom thing is there any way the school could provide a private space? Is there one particular aspect of P.E. (being barefoot?) that just fills him with dread that he could be excused from if he joins in the other more tolerable aspects?

I think it is important to establish any underlying issue and deal with that, because if he does have serious self esteem or body issue no amount of carrot or stick is going to prevail.

Sorry I don't actually have any useful advice or practical solutions. I just wanted to reply as I read your post and had massive empathy for your DS and sympathy for your situation too - I know I drove my DM and teachers around the twist with my P.E refusal.