Please can someone help me deal with my DD's lack of awareness of time.

[mumat39]

My 4 year old DD is SO slow at doing things and I'm getting so stressed by it.

She started reception yesterday but getting her breakfasted and ready is just taking too long. She is a bright little girl but just doesn't get the concept of time.

She's always been like this so much so that I got to the stage of not bothering to try and get my dc out as the stress was just getting me.

I find myself shouting at her to hurry her along. I hate being late but we always are.

This morning We woke her up at 730. She had breakfast but this took ages. Then she took an age again brushing her teeth. If I try and help she just grunts at me. My habit that she has adopted.

Then I got ds in the car while sh was getting dressed and she just kept shouting WAAAAAAAAIT!!!!! After 5 minutes I went up and she still hadn't put her school dress on. Then 10 minutes later she still didn't have her socks on. Instead she was trying to fold the bottom of her dress up saying it was too long.

In the end we made it to school with a minute to spare.

She was the same at nursery. She went in the afternoon and trying to get her to eat lunch beforehand was a nightmare.

She will do things but only eventually and after I've shouted loads. Sometimes I think she's so engrossed in hat she's doing she just doesn't hear me. I was the same when I was younger.

I hate shouting and being so negative but I find myself saying things and thn hating myself for it.

I worry I'm making things worse but don't know how to deal with this. I feel like a terrible mother and it's actually making me feel ill.

Can someone help me deal with this please. At the moment I'm struggling to know what to do. Many thanks in advance.

She sounds pretty normall to me. If you are stressing and worried about being late try getting her up at 7am instead of 7.30.

Get a timer. Either say "bet you can't be dressed (or whatever) before the timer goes off." or you can do a sticker chart, that she gets a sticker if she can beat the timer.

I have been known to turn around and say "wall, put your shoes on... yes it's doing it as quickly as you are." They know then then need to do it quickly

Aren't they all like this? Mydd 6 is!

Unfortunately we have found likeJJJ that getting up earlier is the answer

Thank you both.

It's good to know she's normal. But I don't think I deal with it at all well.

I'll try and get her up at 7 tomorrow and see if that works.

I've tried the timer. She just watches it and still forgets to eat or do whatever she is doing. I've never had much luck with stickers. Any tips on how to manage that?

She's very good in lots of other ways. It's just the slow thing that's getting me down.

Thanks again.

Thanks orangesandlemons. Neither dd nor I are early birds but I'll definitely try that tomorrow.

I'm not an early bird either mumat but have to get up at 7 or we'd all be late too.

I use electric timer (I have one on the mobile) that beeps when it gets to the end. Then just outside the room so they don't keep check it.
If you do stickers, make it a chart and when she's got to so many then she gets a small reward.

Personally I don't find getting up early helps. They then feel they've the time to dawdle. We manage best if we get up with just enough time to be very slightly rushed. If there's spare time I'll find one of them settling down with glue and scissors and cries of "just finishing..."

I'd say at 4 you should be brushing her teeth anyway - and help her get dressed if she's in a rush. Expecting a 4 year old to get themselves dressed quickly without any supervision isn't going to happen.

What works for us is doing everything at the same time as much as possible - DS gets dressed at the same time as me so I can hurry him along, teeth brushing at the same time, sit down to breakfast at the same time.

If she's taking forever to eat her breakfast, give her 20 mins then take it away - sounds harsh but better in the long run. Probably better to start that on a non school day though.

What order do you do things in? DS has to do teeth before he gets dressed, then can't come down to breakfast until he's in his uniform - being hungry usually motivates him fairly well

Oh - giving her one task to do at a time helps too - just say 'dress on' and watch her do it - don't leave her on her own to dawdle. Annoying when you have another DC but it will eventually sink in.

Is she a young 4?

Thanks again.

For about 6 months dd has insisted on choosing her own clothes, getting herself dressed and on brushing her teeth herself. She can manage by herself and we have tantrums if we don't let her do some things.

Today, I tried to take her pj top off for her. She screamed and stormed off. 5 minutes later DP found her putting her top back on so she could do it herself. It makes me chuckle now but at the time I have no time for it.

She'll be 5 next week.

I will try the staying in the room while she gets dressed and will definitely try and get her up at 7. I am a bit worried that she'll dawdle more with more time but will try that first.

I'll also try the 20 minutes for breakfast at the weekend to get the message across.

Thank you all again. It really does help knowing that this is normal. If it's all still normal at 6 then I really need to get a grip and not get so stressed about it all.

Thanks again. :)

The order is. Breakfast, teeth, get dressed, hair. Maybe she should get dressed first thing?. I was just trying to get her to not drop toast onto her school dress.

Cumber, I'll try your order of doing things. Thank you. Maybe being in her uniform will mean she will be more aware that she has to hurry a little.

Thanks again.

My 3 yr old does well on reverse pyscology.
So, I bet I can get dressed before you, results in him getting dressed pretty quiick (and gives me a chance to do one small job before throwing on some clothes), even tho I call out "I've got trousers on, have you" while e.g. sorting washing.....

Were normally up before 6 tho (without an alarmclock) so mornings are quite a bit longer for us tho!

I was going through this last term, annoying myself with my shouting! It's frustrating to be saying the same things every day, I've started this week quite well, been getting myself up earlier to get everything ready (I'm aware this a bit of a cop out but would just rather have less stress in the morning!) so I pack the bags and put them in the car, put all clothes, shoes in a pile ready etc I'm then free to supervise the dressing, eating, toothbrushing etc, we find "clothes dressing race time!" works quite well (I help dd2) it's amazing how it usually ends up a draw every day!

At 4 I let DS watch cbeebies whilst getting ready (bad mother) and gave him a timetable. By the end of charlie and Lola he had to be eating breakfast, by the end of tweenies he had to be getting dressed, by the end of mike the knight he had to be finished ready to leave.

1. then be tough about what happens at each stage - eg tell her however she's dressed when it is the end of dressing time is how she goes to nursery, whatever she's eaten of breakfast when the end comes is all she has for breakfast.
2. tell her TV only as long as she's hitting targets!

Its worked for us as DS would be worried about going to nursery half dressed or with only half his breakfast eaten. Also he always got dressed downstairs with me there.

And I don;t mind TV on in the morning...

Also if she dawdles over breakfast and you areparanoid that she will end up eating nothing, give her a banana or cereal bar on the way to school.

I always have to do this when dd dawdles so much she ends up eating no breakfast.

Is she very bright
Does she get distracted by anything that is happening around her
Does she care persoanlly if she is late
Does she need a lot of sleep

Hope it works OP. We're only on day 3 of reception, but we're used to a 7am drop at nursery (for the last 3 years aggg) so poor DS is used to just having to get on with it. We do it in that order (teeth, get dressed, breakfast) so that we're moving downstairs - don't like going back up after he's ready as it seems to really slow things down. Added bonus is that if we've done everything else, DS can eat his breakfast while watching TV and I can have my tea and toast in peace

DS was really fussy with food a while back (much improved now!) so we had to do the strict dinner timings thing, otherwise he'd end up taking an hour!

Changing the order of things can really speed things up, I don't really understand why. :)

Hello everyone. Thanks again SO much for all your advice and for sharing your tips.

I limited breakfast to 25 minutes today and DD seemed to be happy with that, so no screaming. Phew. We made it with about 3 minutes to spare this time - so much better.

I'm going to change the order we do things from monday. I woke up and had to get packed lunch ready and basically forgot that bit. DD has alot of allergies so her packed lunch is often a hot meal so it's not something I can easily do the night before. I can see the changing the order of the routine working, as it means if Im busy getting her lunch ready we're all in the kitchen together when DD is eating her breakfast. Cumber, what you say about not going back upstairs makes total sense. We live in a 3 storey house and I can see getting ready on the way down makes sense.

Nextphase, we used to do the racing each other thing about 18months ago and it worked really well for a while. DD seems to have got wise to that and doesn't like humouring me anymore. It still works with my 2 year old and DD also does it with him if he's having a paddy about being first up the stairs or to sit down to dinner. Infact, she now tries to negotiate with me by saying, i'll eat this if you do that. Drives me mad. But again, she's got that from me telling her that if she does something, she'll be allowed or not allowed to do something. I'm seriously worried she's turning into me

Livismum, that doesn't sound like a cop out at all. I'll def try and be up before them and try and get stuff done.

Kew, we're a cbeebies house too, so you're not alone :) I really don't know how i'd cope without it sometimes. I'm trying no tv at breakfast at the moment as I was doing the timetable thing you mention, but DD gets so drawn into what she's watching she forgets everything else.

orangesandlemons, I hadn't thought of that. Thank you. A banana in the car might just be the answer. There aren't really any cereal bars she can have due to her allergies, but the banana idea is brilliant. I can't believe I didn't think of that.

amillionyears, we think she is bright, but only because nursery mentioned it on a few occasions. She was an early talker and has always known her own mind, if that makes sense. The answer to your other questions is Yes. Re the getting distracted easily, If she's really interested in doing something, then there's no distracting her so once she focuses on a task thats it. She just gets lost in it, completely. At other times she just can't seem to sit still and is such a fidget. I think part of that is to do with the fact that she has always been a very itchy little girl. I think as a result she doesn't always sleep so well so ends up sleeping til about 8.30 ish. That might be one of the reasons she's so slow in the day? She wakes up looking tired. But it doesn't seem to affect her ability to learn as she picks things up really quickly and is very articulate and has really good fine motor skills, can write phonetically, can read (when she wants to) and can break long words down into 3 or 4 letters to build the whole word, so she's good at trying things, again, if she's in the mood to do so. SHe often surprises me, when we pick up a book that she hasn't read before and can manage alot of the words in it. Other times she'll pick up a book that she has had read to her once or twice and seems to be able to recite the words to the pages just from her memory. I'm not boasting, at all. I think this is where the frustration sometimes is that she seems so 'grown up' sometimes that I often forget that she's only 4 (nearly 5) when I'm shouting at her again. I suspect she's just learned to ignore the sound of my voice.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but thank you all again for your advice and tips. I'll definitely be putting alot of them into practice. :)

xxx

She is as I thought she would be! Bright and focused to the point of doesnt always notice what is going on around her.
My son had this,I call it his rabbit hole syndrome.Come in very handy for his job now though.
You didnt say whether she is bothered if she is late or not.
To help her wake up earlier,when she goes to bed earlier,does she manage to get to sleep ok.
We bought a pretend large clock that you can turn the hands on,and started him clock watching,so saying things like,"when the hands on the real clock get to .....,we will be doing....,whether you are ready or not. So you have got x minutes left to do..."
I had a lot of kids,so with that particular son,when he was older I said,"be ready by the door,all ready,to leave by 2.15pm or whatever".And we left then,more or less come what may. So he was forced to get his act together.

Thanks amillionyears :)

I say she's 'away with the fairies' but don't mean it in a nasty sense.

Just out of interest what does your son do for a job?

After you asked the question about whether she's bothered about being late she said she didn't know. So I drew on the little chalk board easel, a chart with our initials down the side and 4 faces across the top starting with happy, not bothered(straight line mouth), sad and a cross face. I explained that when we're late it makes me sad. Then I said that because I have to ask her to do things so many times, it makes me sad and then cross. I asked her how she feels when I'm shouting and she said it makes her feel cross.
I asked her how she thought she would like to feel and she said happy, so I put a tick in that box. Then she asked me and I said I always want to be happy and so we put a tick in that box for me.
We started this morning with a smily face and it soon turned into sad face and then a cross face, for me. That seemed to make her realise and she rushed around after that and started to do things slightly more quickly. I keep reading that I should tell her something makes me sad, but I don't know how else to get the message across.
Anyway, I'm in awe of the fact that you managed with all you children. I have 2 and sometimes wonder how people with more must manage.

The clock idea is a good one. It's her birthday soo so I may request that when my sisters ask what she'd like.

Thanks again for your advice, it really is very helpful. xxx

Cumber, I just reread your post and oh my goodness. A 7am drop off! My head is spinning just thinking about that! I am in awe of you too! xxx

In fairness DP got DS dressed while I got ready and he had breakfast at nursery, but 6:30am wake up and out the door before 7am isn't fun for anybody concerned. Wouldn't like to attempt it with more than one child though!

Me, and 2 preschoolers, dressed and breakfasted and out of the door, here by 7.25.
Not recommended unless you have chronicly early waking kids. When it was just DS1, we were often at the park at 7am, awaiting nursery opening at 7.30 ( they are practically next door).

Tis do-able, but I've never taken on board the folk who say make more time in the morning by getting up before the kids!

Nextphase, that's so early.

Cumber and NextPhase, can I ask a question? What are your DC's bedtime routines and how long do they take and what time do you say goodnight and tuck them in?

Thanks again - and my head's still spinning at the thought of both your early starts.

xxx