Would love advice on dealing with seriously highly strung toddler!

[Flowerface]

My DD has always been 'high needs' (i.e. really difficult and demanding) and in many ways things have got better as she's got older (now two and three-quarters) as she is a very good talker. But I am starting to really worry about her screaming overreaction to many everyday stimulii, like getting a wet hand, someone in the park speaking to her, the wind, some jelly on her sock (these are just examples from today). All these things provoke an immediate scream: "aaaaarrrggghhh! I've got jelly on my sock!! ). She is also really sensitive and the slightest touch or knock results on hysteria (she can't sit next to 4mo DS in the supermarket trolley because "he's touching my skin!!!!" ). She also cannot wait for anything for even a nanosecond and is frequently bellowing "blow my nose RIGHT NOW!" or similar.

As well as being really exasperating, I find this a bit worrying because she seems to find it difficult/impossible to play with people at the moment, in case they touch her/she loses control of the game, and I am a bit worried about this oversensitivity stopping her from doing things or enjoying things that other children do. She has no physical confidence whatsoever - most things at the playground (including all slides) are too much for her. None of her friends seem to be like this to this extent and she is definitely not a 'good mixer'. (She used to go to nursery but not at present as it became increasingly difficult to get her to go...) I am not really sure how best to help her (or myself) through this - sometimes I really feel we are on tenterhooks waiting for the next eruption.

This is a bit incoherent - sorry. But I am feeling a bit sad that she isn't as happy and confident as she could be (and to be honest, I am sometimes really exasperated as well), and would love any guidance on how to improve the situation! Is there a book about this kind of thing?

TIA

Have a look at this page on sensory processing. Your DD sounds like she may be hypersensitive to quite a few stimuli.

If this is the issue for her she could be experiencing really unpleasant, overwhelming sensations from even slight touches.

Lots of people recommend this book although I haven't read it myself.

my ds1 is just like this. he's 3y 6m and its been driving me crazy for years. i try not to pay any attention to the constant melodrama and to side track his attention away from the current problem. the more i try to fix issues the more issues if finds to scream over. I'm trying to let him learn to fix his own problems but its really slow going. hope you have more luck than i had.

Hi Flowerface

You might also find this book useful www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0060739665/?tag=hydra0b-21&hvadid=9557943189&ref=asc_df_0060739665

I have found it revelatory about my DS (now 4.5). He is not quite the same as your DD but can similarly over react massively to small things in way which, whilst not unusual for a small child, somehow seems to be MORE than most children I know. He also found preschool challenging, but am pleased to report that nursery (at a school) and now reception (all 3 days of it) have been much better. But this book has really helped me to understand him.

I had wondered about sensory processing disorder and read this www.amazon.co.uk/Sensational-Kids-Children-Processing-Disorder/dp/0399533079 first.

Whilst it was interesting and useful to a point, I felt the children it described were finding everyday life MUCH more difficult than everyone else. I felt DS fitted this diagnosis a bit, but it made me realise his problems were not nearly so severe and the spirited kids book described him better. And also reassuringly doesn't try to say there is anything wrong with your child, but just that they are a little different from the "run of the mill".

It does talk specifically about children who are extra sensitive to sensory stimulation, but fall short of having Sensory Processing Disorder. Maybe this could be your DD?

I would recommend this book and website. www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

Very good book with lots of ideas and guidance on supporting sensitive children without allowing to withdraw from society.