Two year old misbehaving

[Dippy001]

My DD has changed significantly since my son was born. She cries at everything, she cries if I tell her off, she cries if she doesn't get her way. She cries every night and refuses to sleep in the day. She is a fussy eater and doesn't eat a wide spectrum of food. Some days she doesn't even want her weetabix for breakfast.

I had just started to discipline her by putting her in the cot when she misbehaves, when she jumped out of it and hurt herself, so that's now gone. She's even broken my laptop and generally just says 'no' to every request.

So what is going on? What can I do to stop it? Please help.

Ages?

Your 2 yr old could be dropping her nap and not need one every day. I'm not sure about the sense of punishing her by putting her in bed to be honest as then surely when you want her to sleep she'll associate it with being punished.

Crying when you tell her off seems like she realises she's done something wrong. The rest sounds like normal 2 yr old behaviour. Do you let her choose her breakfast or just give it to her? DS always gets given achoice (x or y, not a free choice!) and then told finish it or nothing because he chose it. But I rarely have to say that. He never eats the same cereal two days running, he always alternates. It's uncanny!

Do you make time for her? Do you let her see that sometimes you will ignore the baby rather than jump up and leave her at the first cry? It is a huge change for her, you all need some time to adjust..

You need to figure out consistent rules and sanctions. It will get better!

She's just turned 2. Think you're right about the punishing by putting in the cot.
I just give her breakfast. She doesn't like any other cereals.

I have made time for her. As soon as baby is sleeping I play with her and give her lots of cuddles. I think this may last a long while yet.
Is it normal to not do ANYTHING I say? Even changing her nappy has become difficult.

It is in this house! DS has very selective hearing.

Gosh i feel your pain! I think all 2yos are like that so i reckon that's pretty normal. It's hard isn't it!!

Only 1 suggestion. When you want her to do something do you ask her to do it or tell her? My DS is adopted so we did an assessment for a course we did lat January. One of things that they commented on was that i asked him to do things rather than telling him, and that gave him a bigger opportunity to say no. Once i change that and started telling him then it improved. He still doesn't always do as he is told but it improved things massively.

Since I started giving DS lots of warning, there's been less of a battle to get things done. So I tell him "I'm going to finish my tea, then get DD changed and dressed and then it's your turn to get changed and dressed." Then ask for an acknowledgement. Then I tell him "Right, mummy's finished her tea, I'm going to get DD sorted, then it's your turn." Then "DD is sorted, it's your turn now." (Admittedly a couple of times, often resulting in a chase round the flat to his room but it's better than the screaming refusal).

Could you maybe offer her something else for breakfast? This morning, DS asked for a banana yoghurt, so I gave him that. I must admit I see nothing wrong with offering DS a choice between A and B even if I know he doesn't like B because he still feels like he gets a choice. (is that really mean?)

You know I really didn't think this was normal at all and was really worried. I am glad people think it is! I don't know anyone else to ask, even my mum had me worried.

I'll take up the suggestions - telling rather than asking is def. sounding good. I also basically ignored her today when she tried to hit me and then scratch me. Just said 'That is not nice, you shouldn't do that, it hurts mummy' and started talking about something else. I reckon it saved half an hour of tears from her and stress for me by not reacting with a severe reprimand.

Pretty much exactly the same with ds1 here, he is 2.3 now with a 4 month old brother and everything is a fight. not sure how much is to do with the baby and how much would have happened anyway. I must say i do struggle with the constant refusals and meltdowns and the nap refusal. I als think dropping the nap is contributing to the behaviour problemms which get worse when he is tired but he is quite definate about not napping now.

With food we try and turn meals into a game. he likes it when dh pretends he doesnt wont ds to eat his (dh's) dinner while holding it right next to ds mouth then ds sneakily eats it and dh pretends to be shocked. he also likes the food to talk eg "whats that soup? you want to live in fergus' tummy?" Fave at moment though is pretending dinner is disgusting things like slugs or elephants ear wax. Its a bit of a palaver but saves fights and does work. try turning getting dressed into game too such as chasing round room but every time you catch her you get to put one item on. this way you can combine playing with geting stuff done.

Oh and with the nap dropping make sure and give more opportunities for quiet story or tv time so they can rest. we all snuggle in bed or on couch and i feed ds2 while ds1 has a bottle ( i know he should have stopped by now but gives me 10 mins of peace and cuddles). Also plently of snacks as need more energy if not sleeping.
hope that helps, still get frustrated quite often despite all this

When I had DD2, DD1 went from being delightful to being a violent nasty little thing overnight (she was 2.3). There were two things which helped. one was giving her lots and lots of positive praise when she was good (or even average) and the other was finding time for some one to one with her. We still spend 30 minutes with her every night when DD2 is in bed.

She is 4 now and lovely again, but it was a long, long journey

having thought, just before age 2, that I should be pulling DD up when she didn't do as I asked, it was just awful and hopeless and ended up with both of us in tears. Nowadays (she's 2.8) I save it for major things like roads and carparks (HAS to hold mummy's hand) and just speak sharply at other things (like today trying to get her arm 3 times out of her car seat harness, at the 3rd attempt, after I had told her twice not to because it wasn't safe, I was very sharp with her which upset her and she wailed). I want her to know that doing things that make Mummy cross is a bad thing, but I try to limit it to things that are unsafe. My absolute bugbear is running away in parks and shops, not so much of a prob if I don't have the pram, pita if I do as I have to abandon it - but does she realize the difference, I doubt it. So I speak firmly but don't have any sanctions. Having taken this approach life seems to chugg along pretty smoothly, she will always stop at a road and hold hands so I think limiting it to the important things has worked. Sorry, horribly waffly, had a couple of glasses of sympathy wine with DH who's having a shit time at work.

DH and I have made a 'plan', well its a very loose plan, but we are going to try and be consistent. No choices as everything is a 'no' anyway. No punishment unless there is a safety issue or she is violent towards us. She bit DH last week and it really hurt, I could see the teeth marks.

We are so tired, me with the baby and coping with her is a daily battle, and DH getting her every night when she cries. DH wants to leave her to cry it out but I don't think either of us can do that as we tried once and just gave in after 15 mins of listening to her, it was awful. Really am a bit low thinking this will last a fair while yet.

I hate that she misbehaves, I hate it more when she cries because it just makes me feel guilty for having another child so my full attention is no longer on her. I feel like I've not done things properly and its my fault. Hoping the crap times don't last too long. The baby is 2 months old now so maybe another few months?

We also still give DD a bottle goodname. Another battle that I lost.

Dippy - exactly the same going on over here, have just started my own thread on this very subject before I saw yours. It's hard isnt it, hoping to get some wise, been there done that mners tips :-)

You haven't done anything wrong, she's just being two! Two year olds say no to everything, cry lots, have tantrums and are generally horrible. It isn't misbehaving. It's what they do.

They grow out of it eventually, all you need to do is hang on in there and try to be consistent, and throw in some positive stuff occasionally.

I can sympathise lots though, DD is a horror just now and it's wearing.

So so tired of it all today too :(

My daughter will be 2 next week and next week we have to move house. Every day I find myself getting so angry and frustrated with her as I have to repeat myself over and over and over and then she still doesn't do as she is told. I'm tired of confiscating all her jigsaws when she doesn't put them away as told and instead kicks them across the floor. How am I going to cope when we move to the next house which is in the middle of nowhere with no support and no car to escape in? Not that I had the car lots here but when I did I used it to drive around all afternoon to lull her and her baby brother to sleep which gave me a break. Can anyone tell me how to get a 2 yr old to shut up long enough to let her brother fall asleep in his cot when she's insisting on being with me as in the next place I won't be able to put stair gates up to keep her away as the stairs are so narrow! She witters on and on saying the same word over and over until you say it back. Grrrrrrrrrr!

Have just read what I wrote earlier and think I sound a complete cow. I'm not. I play with my dd and ds as often as I can. Today I've taken them to the swing park, played hide and seek, read stories, sung songs, played lotto and watched some cbeebies together with either one or both of them. I'm just under a lot of pressure at the moment and don't need a repeating parrot in my ear or someone refusing to do what I need them to do eg stay off of the kitchen floor I just mopped so they don't fall over and hurt themselves! I'm panicing about the move.

Sometimes I chat to the baby about how good dd is and that she's really helpful/clever at something (knowing dd is listening in) and sometimes dd will then do what she would normally be obstructive about. Worth a try - works with teddies too!

Mummy2bJo I could have written what you wrote first time round myself. It's so hard. Having the same problem with getting my baby to sleep during the day. The constant shouting doesn't help. I know she's being a toddler but when the baby is desperate to sleep and can't it really stresses me out. I also get the repeating of words thing.

Elizabeth22 that tip won't work with me. If I tell her I need to do something for the baby I get some form of retaliation.

I'm doing the positive stuff but so far she doesn't really seem to care if she's been 'good'. Had a nice moment today though as she sang ba ba black sheep to the baby to get him to sleep (shouting it of course). Bless.

I have 2 top tips for getting baby to sleep altho neither are very good things to do. 1. give toddler my iphone which i recently got for that very purpose. toca boca is a wonderful game. 2. give toddler bottle of milk, will keep him quiet for 10 minutes. if this fails i even bribe with choc buttons. i am not a very good mother :)
the other way if this is not working is to drag both kids out of house, baby in a sling as he hates both buggy and car seat and wander round aimlessly while baby sleeps, letting ds look under rocks for bugs and throw stones in the river, boring but generally effective. Also the fresh air does tend to improve ds1's moods quite a lot. bought a big trapoline with an enclosure which he will play on quite happily for ages too while baby sleeps in sling. I live in middle of nowhere btw.
hope this makes sense as am quite tired by this time of day

Those a good ideas Elizabeth22 and goodname, do sound like workable solutions, will have to give it a go.

Just spent 1 hour getting toddler to sleep (yes, she actually went to sleep at 22:00). What fun.

Sounds like our home these days! Agreed that it's best to 'air out' the 2 year old. Mine is so much happier outside and less troublesome. Same issues--trying to go without the nap = bouts of misery, loooooooooong bedtime, picky eating, refusing to brush teeth, singing songs about 'no'. Hey, 'this too shall pass'. . . and then it will be the baby's turn!

Meet up with friends, picnic at the park, walk down the road to the neighbour's house. Rainy day? IKEA! Just get out of the house if you can. . . This, btw, is what I tell myself every morning as well. . . and then I remind myself that my mother had 3 of us under 3 at once and that she survived it.

My dd is 2.1 and I am sitting here with fat tests rolling down my cheeks as I sit next to a peacefully sleeping toddler (dd). The only time I seem to really crack parenting her at the moment is the last few minutes before bed when she snuggles up and we read a story.

The rest if the day is spent whining, screaming, shouting, crying, hitting, kicking and stomping on my toes, a recent trick she had learnt gets a reaction. It fecking hurts.

She is horrid to me most of the day. Worse at weekend's when DH is home. We have just moved house and there is do much I want to do but can't as she cannot be left even for a second without doing something she shouldn't and come the evenings I am exhausted. Oh and she refuses to do as she is told. Ever.

Fat tests? Fat tears