Selective Mutism or Shyness? Do I 'label' to new Reception teacher?

[Tiredoutmum]

Hi there

My son starts school next week in Reception. He has been at nursery for 2 years. He is a happy child, very confident and chatty and home but talks rarely if at all to other children in a nursery setting. He's usually fine one on one at home with play dates - especially with people he knows. I go round in circles with this - is it shyness or SM? Either is fine - I'm not trying to make him someone he isn't but I do want to help him. Sometimes I just think he's being blush and rude so I tell him off if he refuses to say hello to someone he knows. My discipline rules change depending on how I feel and what label I'm giving his behaviour that week - which I know is not helpful.

The Reception teacher is coming to do the home visit next week. I don't know whether to voice my concerns that he might have SM so they can look out for him (it's a big school and class of 30) or whether to wait and see if they pick it up. Is it bad for him to start with a 'label' so they already have pre-conceived ideas?

Any advice helpfully received. Thank you!

x

I maybe wouldn't mention the term SM but I think it's helpful if you describe to his teacher his current behaviour in social settings. That way he/she will be aware of it and can make sure he's encouraged - they will also be able to spot if he's just shy and is taking time to come out of his shell or if there might be something more to it. Not saying anything might mean the teacher doesn't spot anything till later on (as although not right I'm sure some dc get a bit 'lost' in a class full of children especially if they're quiet).

Fwiw my niece was just like your DS. The teacher did pick up on it andd worked with the parents but by the end of her first year she is much more confident and talks in public a lot more.

That's good advice and encouraging to hear - thank you. x

My dd1 was a bit like that. The preschool said she was "very quiet" which was a bit of a surprise on the basis she didn't shut up at home. She's now a very confidence performer and singer.

confident that was.

DS was shy indoors but more confident outdoors when he started school so I explained this on the teacher's home visit, its the sort of thing they want to find out by visiting at home. We spent the visit in the garden so she could see how he was when he was at his most confident. She was fab and I remember the day he got an award for 'answering a question at carpet time' because she knew it would build up his confidence.

Thank you - wicked comments and sooooo reassuring to hear other stories especially of kids who have sailed through reception.

Ahhh that award is so cute - what a fab teacher! It's exactly that sort of stuff I'm hoping will help him. It's almost like I can see he really wants to say stuff but he just can't, but I reckon once he starts and realises it's actually okay then it might just be a landslide of confidence (here's hoping!)

I so feel you as my DD is/was the same. She's 8 now and MUCH better. But I would mention it...just so the teacher can help him...she can think up strategies if she's prepared.

My DD began a new school last year and her teacher came up with all kinds of things to bring her out of herself.

She made up games and encouraged and helped her enormously. Nothing wrong with being quiet...some kids are and my DD has found her place now.

Ds1 is similar. Won't talk if he doesn't know someone. To the point of not crying when hr cut his hand age 12mo months. He had a breakthrough at nursery a few months ago though, and I am so sad to think he's going to stop talking again when he starts school next week.

Have already spoken to the teacher on the phone and described it as shyness. She was understanding and said she has had non talkers before.

I would definitely talk to her at the hone visit. Perhaps also talk to your ds about how he will handle things like saying he needs the toilet or what he wants for lunch?