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Absolute resistance to anything to do with School(we start tomorrow!!)

11 replies

beaufranked · 03/09/2012 09:50

Is anybody else having utter resistance to anything to do with the S word! I am trying really hard to prepare my son for his first day tomorrow eg going to get pencil case; clothes etc together; doing visits; looking on website; sticker book; playing schools (dressing up dolls in uniform) etc; doing drawings. This has all been over the course of a few monthly and done gently gently but he is still so adamant he doesn't want to go. School is 'bad' and 'boring'. I know it's going to be very tough even getting him in his school uniform tomorrow. I've even brought out the reward present to encourage him and given lots of praise when he did a great picture of him on the preparation sheet. He will be wailing tomorrow and wondered if there were any thoughts/tips/experiences that can be shared?? My lad is bright and can articulate (as much as a 4 year old can). I really want to just make it at least 'ok' for him....

OP posts:
ZuleikaD · 03/09/2012 09:55

It's hard to know where he's got these ideas from, given that he has no experience of it - does he have older siblings or friends who have told him all these negative things about school?

Labootin · 03/09/2012 10:00

School can be a big scary place for a four year old

My ds was the same.

Brightly exclaiming however gently what fun it will be and shiny new pen sets are great but perhaps an acknowledgement that nerves are ok and and admittance from you that your a bit scared too

whatinthewhatnow · 03/09/2012 10:03

well, what about stopping trying? he might be sensing your desperation (wrong word, but can't think of another) to get him to enjoy it, and so is feeding off that. Make school a normal part of normal life, not a huge event. (even though it feels like it is, my DS starts reception next week)

Stop talking about it, in the morning get him dressed in his uniform as you would in his normal clothes, take him to school like you were dropping him off at nursery or a friends or whatever.

Be blase but loving. Explain what's happening to the teachers/TAs, don't hang around too much.

He'll be fine, because he's bright and articulate so will soon realise that school is fun, not boring.

Gumby · 03/09/2012 10:05

Did he go to preschool or nursery?

Will he know anyone there?

I'd just tell him it's just a new place to play

beaufranked · 03/09/2012 10:10

Thanks guys,all good points. I'm really not sure where the negative stuff is coming from as no experience other than his visits. I've told him I was worried about school a little too and that you tell teacher when sad etc. I think the blasé, onwards and upwards approach is the way forward!

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 03/09/2012 10:12

I'm sorry but you can't "make it OK for him".

School is a place beyond your influence. Your job is to deliver him, in more or less the correct uniform, and leave him there until it is time to pick him up. Reception classes are a nice place to be, and teachers/TAs have lots of experience in settling their new arrivals - just about every permutation of 'what might go wrong' has happened before, will happen again, and will be dealt with; and your DS will be fine.

I agree with whatinthewhatnow: the less big a deal you make of it, the more likely he is to take it all in his stride.

EdithWeston · 03/09/2012 10:14

Sorry OP x-ed with your last. Onwards and upwards sounds just right, and I hope it goes well on the day.

whatinthewhatnow · 03/09/2012 10:29

yes, good luck, I hope it goes well. How about reminding him of the cool things, like how even if he's having A REALLY REALLY GOOD TIME PLAYING WITH LOADS OF NEW TOYS he still has to help at tidy up time. Or similar.

xx

Homebird8 · 03/09/2012 10:32

We had a similar sort of thing with DS1 but were saved by a game DH had always played with DS. DH had always looked in DS's ears to see what his 'pixies' were doing (followed by descriptions of parties, or spring cleaning, or sitting on deck chairs with newspapers etc.)

Then one day, about 2 weeks before the big day DS sat down with me and told me his pixie wasn't very sure. Oh, said I, what's pixie not sure about? School, said DS. What about school? Whether he'll go! Yikes!

After a bit of both of us counselling 'Pixie' it turns out that he wasn't very sure that he'd be happy. We focused on the smiles on the day of the visit at the end of the summer term, and the toys and activites available there, and the one friend who would be there too.

It worked and the first day was spent planning a garden (DS's passion at the time) with 2 children who became firm friends in the coming weeks.

Is there any way you could engineer a conversation like this with your DS? Puppets are good ways of focussing the attention 'away' from the child and to what might need to be said. What does the puppet think about it?

Good luck. I'm sure he'll be too busy to think much about it once he gets there though it might be worth working out where he's got his info from if it isn't his own experience.

beaufranked · 06/09/2012 17:59

Just wanted to say its all gone so much better than anticipated!! I think taking the pressure off around saved the day! Have some beautiful pictures and memories now of DSs first day. Thank you so much Mumsnetters xxx

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 06/09/2012 19:32

Glad it went well!

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