Anyone else have a child like this???

[jenbird]

I find my 4yo (5 in Dec) daughter incredibly infuriating. She has been at preschool for the last year and reports suggest that she is very bright. For instance, she can read (not fluently but has a very good grasp of sounds) and write in basic sentences. She is very good at memory games and can tie her own shoelaces. However in other ways she is completely and utterly clueless - I could not trust her to walk by herself on a pavement or cross a road as she has no awareness of the traffic (despite been told/shown a number of times), she regularly puts clothes and shoes on the wrong way around/backwards. There have been times when I have seriously wondered if she has a hearing problem as she doesn't seem to process some simple instructions.

She is a lovely little girl and has always been developmentally advanced (crawling, walking, talking, potty training etc) but she doesn't seem to have any sense. I also have 2 DS's (7,2) and I sometimes I wonder if my expectations of her are too high because she has always been older than her years. I try to be patient with her but sometimes she drives me mad when she can't seem to do really simple things.

I also feel I don't know how to bring the best out in her. I feel like she somehow thinks in a different way to me and I can't quite tap into whats going on inside her head.

Does anyone else feel like this about their child/relationship with their child?

Thanks.

PS. Would like to add that I love my daughter dearly. She is a happy and confident child and my post isn't reflective of our entire relationship which is very positive and strong (mostly).

Is she a bit of a dreamer?

How is she with other children?

I completely sympathise. My ds sounds like this

Apparently children are unable to safely cross a road until about 8 - until then most children are unable even to tell if a vehicle is moving or not.

For the same reason I wouldn't have a 4 year old walking on their own on a pavement.

I think you are expecting too much. Common sense develops with experiences.

Yes, is she a dreamer? My son is like this. He's improved a lot in the last year (now nearly 6). Reception is very good at getting them a bit more in the real world IMO. When they are advanced in other things it can be easy to forget that actually they are only 4,5 etc and actually their infuriating behaviour is very normal for their age.

She isn't particularly a dreamer - I would say she has selective attention! She is not the most sociable of children though she isn't shy. I am hoping she is just comfortable in her own skin as she doesn't seem to "need" relationships like some of the girls her age. We socialise regularly with a fairly small group which includes some girls her age but more children my sons age (7). She will often move away from the girls to play with the boys - I have always assumed she is just used to playing with her brother. She is completely oblivious to the whole "you're not my friend" type stuff which seems to go on.
I am really interested to see how she gets on in reception. I have the feeling she will thrive academically but not so sure socially (small village school).
Thanks malakadoush for the reality check too. I do think I expect to much from her sometimes.

Older children are always more interesting . DD always tries to hijack DS's friends when they come round for play-dates. Being comfortable in your own skin is fab, DS is like that. However, he dreams/is in his own world/ is very engaged with what he chooses sometimes and not what the adult chooses. As I said he's much better than he used to be, but he still amused a friend during the Summer term when she was getting her kids and him out of the door. She had to tell him about 4 times to get his shoes on, he wasn't hearing her (nothing wrong with his hearing). He also read stuff round her house that made her worry if her DD was very behind in her reading (she's not, DS is just quite ahead).

Thanks Tgger. Your DS does sound very like my DD!

I think they all develop at their own pace and sometimes learn to do things, in what appears to us, a very strange order.

DD1 is socially very like your DD and only now at 14 beginning tentatively to make female friends at school (as opposed to the DD of a family friend who she just clicks with).

DD2 (11) just does people.

DD2 is the more conventionally clever one, the one every one assumes has sense. She doesn't she panics. She can just about be trusted not wander across roads without looking now.

Scatty dyslexic DD1 had got this sussed before she was 3!!

I wonder if in others ways she is completely developmentally normal, but that it seems she is lacking in the things you mention only in comparison to the ways in which she is so advanced.

A child that in advanced in reading or whatever won't necessarily be in other ways, particularly areas that require maturity and experience because she will have the same of those as other children her age.

(no idea if i have made sense!)

At that age I wouldn't worry at all. If she is not being horrid to other children they will like her.

If she is not into the whole "you're not my friend" game-playing, she sounds really lovely - an independent spirit.