Behaviour change in 5yr old just starting school

[McGill]

Hi there-not really on for advice, but more to hear similar stories and how quickly things got better.

My son has just started primary 1(Scotland) and has always been shy and taken time to warm to new situations. As expected he cried a lot in his first week, then was ok in his second.

However he's also had to start breakfast and after-school club twice a week on the days I work-he only started that this week as we had taken time off to 'break him in gently'. As expected, again he's been upset.

It seems to have had a knock-on effect on his reaction to social situations now-he's been occasionally hysterical about going into friends' houses at the weekend and is understandably much more emotional about stuff he doesn't normally react to.

On top of all this, he also started a swimming class which he was ok in the first couple of weeks, then today we took him, the teacher had changed, he immediately cried and refused to go regardless of coaxing or just sitting quietly with him.

I understand it's a lot for a child to take in, school is a huge change in their routine and quite terrifying for some kids, and all this will simply take time. Obviously we are trying not to react except purely with reassurance and cuddles etc., but just wondering-what are other people's experiences of their shy wee ones starting school, and when did they seem to settle and become more themselves?

Cheers Rachel

My older DD was and still is very shy...also young for her year and she really took over a year to adjust. Her clever head teacher told me, "This time next year, you will look back and realise how far she has come."

And I did! It DOES get better. I used to give my DD a kiss on the back of each hand and say "That is a magic kiss...it can't wear off even if you wash it with soap...it's stuck there ALL DAY and if you get a "Missing Mummy Feeling" You should just think about the magic kiss there and know that I am thinking about you too and will see you soon."

It really helped and what ALSO helped was naming the feelings they are experiencing.

They don't have the experience to know that they are sad because things are new, different, and there's no Mum there...so I talked to DD and found out that her sadness was based mainly in wanting me....so I named it "The Missing Mummy Feeling"

Once she could articulate this, she felt so much better as it was a step towards understanding her feelings which is a step close to getting them under control.

Poor him, and poor you as well! It will get better - it's bound to, as he gets used to the new routines, but it sounds like he's got a lot of new things to get used to all at once.

A couple of ideas I'd float, which you can take or leave as you wish - one is maybe to see if you can get him together in a very low-stress way with another child of his age who also attends the breakfast & after-school club (invite them round with a parent for a cup of tea one afternoon/weekend?) Might not work/might not be easy to arrange, but maybe worth a try. If it doesn't get better, would there be any mileage in trying to find a local before/after school childminder? More personalised care and in a home environment, it might suit him better perhaps...

The other is to try to reduce after-school and weekend activities to a bare minimum for the time being - personally, I wouldn't bother with the swimming classes if it's too much for him, and stick to activities which you know he can cope with at weekends - if that's just going to the playground with you, or playing at home by himself, then so be it. It won't last forever, but just for now I reckon he needs plenty of down-time at home to give him a chance to relax and process all of the new experiences he's going through.

Best of luck!