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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my daughter wont go to sleep in her cot or on her own

7 replies

tink739 · 15/03/2006 13:15

i have a 9 month old daughter and she refuses to sleep in her cot during the day and has to sleep on me, night times are just as bad as she need me to get her to sleep before she will go in her cot, i cannot put her down and let her get herself to sleep as she just screams. i feel really selfish about the situation but having her sleep on me all the time takes up so much of my time when i have housework and things to do, i also have terrible visions of her still doing this when she gets older. can anyone help me?

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chocolateshoes · 15/03/2006 14:18

Poor you. This must be quite stressful and I think you are right to try to do something about it now. I wonder if you tried to get her used to her cot little by little....maybe putting her in it to play for 5 mins at a time while you stay - first of all play with her, then tidy her room, then leave the room briefly etc. Then she should become more comfortable with her cot surroundings. Does she have a comforter that she always takes to bed? Maybe you could give her the same soft toy or blanket only at bedtime. Or even one of your T-shirts so that it would have your scent on it.

I don't think I've been much help & I know loads of other Mnetters will have plenty of good advice & experience.

Good luck!

VTired · 21/03/2006 22:35

My 13 month old was EXACTLY the same. I used to have have to rock him to sleep in my lap to send him off to sleep before I could put him down and even then, if he stirred and realised I wasn't holding him, he'd scream.

He's a lot better now, and not becasue I've done the whole "controlled crying" thing (I just couldn't bear to let him cry alone) but rather because he's a little older, he actually wants to be more independent and doesn't want me holding him all the time. I just put him into his cot once I notice he's rubbing his eyes and is tired. He moans for a few minutes but is then out like a light, leaving me free to do the washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking etc.......

I wouldn't worry, she'll settle in her own time.

lucy5 · 21/03/2006 22:38

Have you tried walking her in the pram to have a day time nap? worked wonders with my dd and also freed me up.

NannyL · 22/03/2006 09:06

a classic case where controleld crying will be necessary and will work!

She needs to learn to settle herself!

mumatuks · 22/03/2006 09:16

Remember also that your DD is going through her clingy stage. My DS is also like this. I have only just got him to go in his cot. I think it is partly due to breast feeding him and him getting used to snuggling up with mummy. Up until now baby has thought that you are an extention of her, she is now realising she is her own little being. It won't last that long as her anxiety passes and she gets a little older. Nine months is a big turning point. It's the nine months since she was born and it took nine months to make her, so everything has come full circle.

I have put DS in his pram and he slept well in there, I'm now trying him in his cot, after I've fed him and he's drifted off I put him in his cot. Today it has worked well because I was calm about it and not too stressed about him sleeping, however I find he will pick up on my anxiety and wake up!

Sorry I haven't any real good advice, but I just wanted to say (the very long winded way!) you're not the only one!

blueshoes · 22/03/2006 09:17

I have a similar dd. I know the feeling of housework and things getting on top on you and your dd does not allow you to put her down. But babies have needs that change all the time and that is part and parcel of life with a young baby. Your dd is feeling clingy at this moment. It could be separation anxiety kicking in (my dd's kicked in at 5 months) or maybe teething or who knows. It doesn't matter because crying is the only way of telling you what she needs.

I tried everything to get my dd used to a cot, short of all-out controlled crying. But in the end, just felt that I ended up working myself up into a frenzy trying to force her into "conventional" behaviour she was not ready for. When I decided to just go with the flow, it was so much easier and she and I felt better for it.

If she wants to you to hold her for naps, then hey, take this time to put your feet up, read a book, go on mn. A bit of rocking to sleep for bedtime is not the end of the world. CC might work, for a while, but unless your dd is ready to settle on her own, you have to re-train her every so often for teething, illness or whatever reason. I did not think it was worth it IMO. She will get there in her own time, all babies are different

starbuck2 · 22/03/2006 10:24

I went through the same thing with my dd (although she is 6 now). By the time she was a year I had her in a bed because the only way I could get her to sleep was by lying down next to her but even then she would be up and down all night. In the end she got to about two and a half (by this time you can imagine I had had enough) so I laid on a mattress on the floor in her bedroom and every time she got up I put her back into bed. When she got to about 3 (which I know seems along way off for you) she completely changed overnight. So believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it does'nt see like it now.

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