Toddler eating habits . . . Please help!

[Puffykins]

DS is 2.1. Every single meal gets played with and ends up on the floor, and has done for months now. He'll have two or three mouthfuls, and then he starts playing with it: scooping it out of his bowl into his pelican bib, emptying the bowl into a pile on his high chair tray - even if it's toast he'll stick bits of it to his face/ arms/ hands etc. - often, having played with it for a while, he'll then eat more of it. But then he'll suddenly get tired of it and- whoosh - onto the floor. In the mean time, obviously he's covered himself in whatever he's eating, and there's always a fair amount on the floor already.
I'm bored of clearing it up. There's plastic under the high chair - and usually I used to try and snatch whatever it was away before it all went on the floor, but I've now got 8 week old DD and invariably she's on my breast. Oh, and it's been going on since long before DD was born, so I don't think it's linked to her arrival.

He also has plenty of time to play with sand/ water/ paint etc. - other 'messy' play stuff. I know that toddlers are supposed to play with food when they're getting the hang of it, but when does that end?

I've tried getting cross - it has no effect. I've tried ignoring the behaviour - it has no effect. I've tried feeding him only minute bits of what he's eating at a time - he yells for the rest of it, and throws what little I have given him on the floor in a fit of pique. Oh, and once has has thrown his food on the floor, he certainly does not get anything further to eat, no matter how frequently or charmingly he demands 'cake pease!' (though he will have a bottle of milk before bed - mainly because the baby does and otherwise he gets incredibly jealous.) And he doesn't have snacks.
He's thin, but not overly so, so he's evidently getting enough to eat. I just want him to stop throwing everything on the floor. And playing with it. I don't think I can stand it for much longer. And I know how dangerous it is to let meal times become a battle ground, and I really really don't want that to happen.
Ideas?

DS does this, I have started getting him to let me know that he is finished by havng him waving goodbye to the food and giving it to mummy. He likes saying goodbye to things so has bought into this and it is less frustrating for him, because he is 20 months and can't speak much yet.

When he does this, (indicates has finished and/or gives me the food, saying 'no') I clap and hi five him.

When he throws food on the floor it is almost always because he has had enough. I watch very carefully and try to pre empt him before he sweeps it all off the plate by saying are you ready to say goodbye to your food? And taking it away, or starting to take it away. If he wants more he will try and grab it back.

I also let him play with stacking cups when eating and sometimes put Peppa Pig on if truly desperate.

He knows that it is naughty to throw food now so when he does it I do look cross and say 'no! Stop! stop!' and take all food away and ignore cries. I may then re offer it but in small amounts. He knows it is naughty because he shouts 'no!' preemptively at himself as he sweeps it off and onto the floor.

I'm sure other people will be along with better ideas. I sympathise because it really pisses me off too. In the end I just thought, is this worth getting so annoyed about, and just laid extra splash mats and ignored and focussed on wine o clock instead.

I'm a bit mean with mine (2yrs2 months and 3yrs6months), if they are silly with their food it gets taken away. They get a warning and if they continue it gets taken away. Both sit at the table properly, no trays, and are expected to behave at the table, if they don't behave they go to time out.

With each of them we have had a battle of wills at about 19 months but they both soon learned that silly behaviour at the table isn't tolerated and now they are usually very good at the table. They both have to sit whilst everyone else finishes and have to ask to get down politely when we are all finished.

Get tough and consistent with him! Its hard for a while but really worth it in the end.

Like napdamnyou I have tried to introduce a more productive ritual to indicate being finished, or not wanting to eat something. We make all the finished things into a Big Pile. Even if I'm not eating, I'll have a cup or something like an empty packet that I can add, to generate a bit of fuss around the Big Pile. I'll sometimes give dd a "special" place to put any unwanted bits - I fashion this from whatever is to hand - small bowl, bit of napkin, lid of coffee cup...

Thank you all - there are lots of good ideas here and I really appreciate the input. I think I'm going to follow Duck's advice and simply take the food away from him once he starts playing with it.

Agree with Duck

I am utterly rubbish at any form of discipline BUT I cannot cope with messing around with food/ cleaning up squished up food etc etc so I have always removed food that is being played with not eaten. DD at 2.5 does not mess with her food.

My 19mo is very like this and up to now I've pretty much ignored it and tried to remove food when I can see she is finished but now it's getting a game and I think I need to be tougher.

I really do worry though that she will get enough to eat. She eats ok-ish at nursery but at home she pretty much only eats fruit and pasta from a tin for about 3 weeks now. She's not suffering for it and is lovely and chubby but I would feel so mean removing food and not giving fruit or dessert. I think that's my behavioural issue though, not hers!

I think I used to be better at removing the food when he started playing it. Since DD was born I am often stuck, and I had thought that mealtimes were a good time to breastfeed, as DS is in his highchair and therefore not able to climb on top of us, chew DD's feet. I now realise I'm going to have to reassess.... And from now on, it's zero tolerance . Thank you all again.