Discipline for a resonably well behaved 18 month old!

[HardlyEverHoovers]

Hi, I'm a first time parent and struggling a bit to know what to do in certain situatioins with my 18 month old DS.
He's always been pretty 'good' for what of a better term, and doesn't do naughty things intentionally, as far as I can tell.
The problems come when he is really interested in something that is not safe or suitable for him to play with, then he will cry and arch his back etc if I try to take him away from it. The problem rarely comes up at home as the house is pretty child friendly and everything we don't want him to play with is out of reach.

But if we are in someone elses house this happens. It doesn't feel right to shout at him or anything as he's not intentionally doing anything wrong, but feel I need a way to stop him without a great deal of screaming and crying. I feel like I should know how to do this but always find myself a bit stuck.
What do other people do? The last thing I want is for him to grow up thinking he can get his own way all the time, and I think that my happen if I don't find some tactics!
I should probably also mention he is quite young for his age developmentally, only just starting to try to walk, and not talking other than a couple of words, understands some things but not at a 'reason with' stage.
Any advice appreciated! I looked at some of the posts regarding magic 123 but think he's a bit young for that.

I firmly remove whatever it is they can't have and then use distraction.

No need for discipline, 18 months is the age when they are exploring and discovering themselves as an independent (ish) person.

I would just distract away to something else tbh, have a favourite toy or a few things that you know will hold his attention - rather than saying "No, don't touch that" try "Hey DS, come and have a look at this" etc.

If that doesn't work just move him away if it's dangerous - he'll soon move on to something else :)

Distraction I think! Carry small favourite toys of his in your bag and whip them out if you need to. Or burst into song preferably one with lots of actions to go with it

Hmm, I thought distraction was probably the answer, really hard to distract him from other peoples TVs and DVDs though, he's OBSESSED with wires and knobs and things, might need to carry our headset that we use for skyping around in my bag as he loves that.
As for bursting into song...I'm not sure I'm that type but I might just give it a go!
We have managed to instill in him that he mustn't go near the gas fire, he doesn't even try now, that was with the use of lots of 'no' and wagging of fingers, and 'ouch it's hot' type noises. I wonder there is anything similar I can do for slightly less dangerous things?

It's really tricky at this age isn't it? I agree with the other posters. Proper 'discipline' isn't appropriate for a child of this age.

Just keep saying no, moving him away and distracting him.

It's horrible when they do the back arching and screaming but you mustn't let that stop you. Keep doing the moving away and offering distractions and be ready to offer cuddles when he's finished being upset.

Consistency really helps.

Thanks, good advice and it's all common sense, amazing how easy it is to think you would know how to discipline other peoples children and then not know how to do it with your own!

The amazing thing is it is easier to manage other people's children a lot of the time.

I'm a childminder and I can manage childminded children without getting cross, raising my voice or even using sanctions.

My own are much harder. They know exactly which buttons to press and being involved in the situation makes it much harder to see the next logical step. It's much easier to stand back and see the solution as an outsider.

Yes, I totally agree, I looked after both my sister and friends children on a regular basis before having my own, and had them so well behaved with me with very little discipline. I think children are always worse behaved with their own mothers!

Children of this age are born explorers. It is their nature, they cannot help it. So we need to give them as much opportunity as we can to make their own choices and experiment with the world around them. Children choose to go for things like remotes & wires for two main reasons- firstly because it looks interesting, so if they are bored they look exciting.

Secondly it has the added bonus of causing a strong & interesting reaction from the adults around them. So it develops into a fun attention seeking game. The more you react & get frustrated, the more attractive it becomes. The key is avoid that game and invent a new one.

• There are plenty of safe household items that fulfil the toddlers desire for exploration. Many of the marketed toys preform one function only so do not provide enough stimulation. So they are left to find their own entertainment. I can write you a very comprehensive list of things you can easily obtain for free or cheap if you are interested. Examples would be: Boxes with lids, boxes that allow them to post items in & retrieve, old telephones, scarves. You can make a small (and even portable) treasure basket to bring out when he is in that 'just got to touch everything' mode. It is not something that is left out all the time, so it captures interest instantly- especially if you continue to add & develop it.

• Pick your battles- save stern tones and words like No, stop and don't for serious things. For really minor things try distraction and positive phrasing e.g If running around inside- "Let's go outside to run!" Calm, assertive but not bossy. Plus it acknowledges his need whilst teaching him boundaries. If it is not convenient to follow the interest at the time explain when- "when we have eaten our lunch, then we will go outside for running." Using a simple When _ Then sentence structure helps to let him know you have heard & understood his needs but you require compliance with something first.

*Offer plenty of opportunities for him to have control & choice of things- but limit the options to two things that you are happy with. E.g Would you like the blue or red socks today?

• Avoid phrasing things that are not optional in a question format e.g "Do you want to come and have a bath?" This gives the child the option of saying no. Instead phrase it with enthusiasm "Ok Bobby! Bathtime! Come and choose bubbles or boats today!"

• Pre-empt needs to avoid potential battles. If you are catching a bus/train/plane or having to sit in a waiting room, or a non-child friendly house for an extended period keep something new & interesting on you to catch & hold his attention. A bored child will seek stimulation. This results in annoying attention seeking behaviour. Be prepared & don't expect a young child to sit still & be quiet. Sitting still and being quiet is probably one of the most difficult and unrealistic things you could expect a very young child to do.

Also consider is he hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Unwell? If yes to any of these questions you will lose the battle. So don't start one. Try and be prepared to avoid major meltdowns.

*Be consistent. If you (or any one that your child spends extended periods of time with) laughs at questionable habits or behaviour- e.g Swearing or hitting. Because they might think it is funny or cute. Don't then expect your child to know when that behaviour is not acceptable. Be very clear with people that you don't want to encourage that behaviour. Usually the best strategy is to not react AT ALL. Ignore. Then as soon as possible give positive reinforcement for something specific once they have found something else.

Good luck!

Thanks teacher, some fantastic advice there. I love the first idea to create a portable treasure box, I think that could be the answer I need. We quickly learnt not to buy toys, as they are played with once and then left. His favourate activity is emptying out the tupperware cupboard!

Not sure if you have heard of something called heuristic play- it uses the treasure box concept. Filling it with everyday items that have an 'open-ended' use. So a small box with a lid for example- put a smooth stone inside it becomes a shaker, open it up and place the stone on the lid it is now a plate for a cookie.

It encourages the imagination & creativity as well as so many other skills. Plus hopefully keeps them busy & out of mischief.

Here are some great sites for ideas if you are interested in making your own:

www.netmums.com/activities/arts-and-crafts/treasure-baskets
www.littleacornstomightyoaks.co.uk/Articles/Treasure_basket

Ooh, I love these ideas! Last night I went round the house and filled a little bag that a friend made as a gift bag for DS with (so far):
A plastic box containing an old car key and an interesting hair slide
A little night reading light with an interesting unfolding action
A small book about plants (he seems to prefer adult books as he likes the feel of the pages)
An old phone
A hinged ring box with snaps shut
A plastic box full of oversized buttons (made for children - not a choking hazard)

I'm hoping that I can take this with me next time we go somewhere that he will find boring, and it will give him something to do.

I find a good tickle attack does the trick with 18 month DD. Or a spin.

Above mentioned bag of tricks just kept him entertained for a whole hour while I did an online class!
Tickling sounds like good distraction technique.

Awesome! :D Keep adding & changing some of the contents & save it only for when you really need it. Remember the 'marketing' of the bag is important here to- if he knows you think it is special & interesting. You look inside first & don't show him- "oh! Oh wow! Hmmm what on earth is this?" type thing, you build up the intrigue.

Beyond distraction- that bag will teach him so many things & introduce concepts that most toys from a shop cannot :)

Thanks for the great advice teacher.