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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What exactly would you do if your 5 year old hit you really hard?

21 replies

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 19:37

Just wondering as dd has just done this because I said she had to go to bed. She is now raging in her room. I feel really upset but don't want to overreact and want to deal with it in the right way.

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Poppedcorn · 30/08/2012 19:39

I'd go and talk to her, once you've calmed down. She probably feels awful, and there's bound to be a reason behind it.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 19:41

She's seemed hot and bothered most of the day. It was such a shock though, I had my back turned and she hit me so hard. She is screaming for me to go and cuddle her now alternating with telling me she hates me .

OP posts:

Poppedcorn · 30/08/2012 20:22

How's it going now? Is she still raging? Hope all ok.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 20:30

Still raging

OP posts:

Viperidae · 30/08/2012 20:33

Lack of attention is the best punishment. She has to learn that hitting you is absolutely not acceptable.

Poppedcorn · 30/08/2012 20:36

poor you and poor her. Have you tried just going in and giving her a hug? Can't make it worse surely? Sorry I don't have any other suggestions

marquesas · 30/08/2012 20:37

I know it's not easy but when this has happened to me in the past I've tried really hard to keep calm and talk in a very neutral way while propelling the child to a bedroom to cool down.

If it's a one off it wouldn't worry me, we all lose control from time to time and 5 year olds can't always express how they feel in words.

I'm sure she'll come round soon, stay strong.

Poppedcorn · 30/08/2012 20:38

I disagree Viper. Small children dealing with big emotions find it scary enough, without being left to deal with it alone.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 20:59

She's calm now but quite defiant. Doesn't seem to want to say sorry. She is saying "I love you Mum" when I walk past her room but shouting it, in a not very nice tone. I am just saying "I love you too dd" but not stopping to engage any further.

OP posts:

Nagoo · 30/08/2012 21:07

you are doing the right thing.

DS creeped up behind me and punched me yesterday. He thought it would be funny.

That was in the middle of the day so I had to grab him, tell him very firmly that I wasn't impressed and to think about whether he would like me to do it to him. Luckily he was contrite pretty quickly.

The thing about it being bedtime is that I always want to get back on track before they go to sleep and if she's being difficult then that might take a while.

ParaOlympicpark · 30/08/2012 21:11

Would 'do you want a cuddle?' work as a way in? Works with my raging almost four yr old dd.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 21:17

Well got the sad face and sorry Mum, finally but I don't know if she really is or just wants to get back in because she has heard me talking to ds and reading to him etc. Think I just need to take it at face value and move on. It was just a real shock .

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Original poster

akaemmafrost · 30/08/2012 21:18

Thanks for listening and offering advice.

OP posts:

Viperidae · 30/08/2012 23:25

Sounds like you dealt with it well OP. It's tough to figure out what to do in these situations but you'll get through it.

Dominodonkey · 30/08/2012 23:49

Genuine Question - How does cuddling the child when they have hit you help them to see that hitting is not acceptable? Their teacher is not going to cuddle them if they hit someone at school. (This is not a dig at the OP, you had an apology so she must understand she did something wrong)

omfgkillmenow · 30/08/2012 23:52

cry. for ages, wail how much it hurts. guilt is the best tool for bad behaviour.

Viviennemary · 31/08/2012 00:01

I don't agree with cuddling either I'm afraid. I would say sharply that was extremely naughty and unkind. You hurt Mummy a lot. But you say she is extremely hot. Maybe she is coming down with something. Let's hope it's a one off!

Nagoo · 31/08/2012 00:14

Ymthe cuddle is not because the child hit. The cuddling is because it is bedtime. IMHO you should always cuddle a child at bedtime.

CatchTheFox · 31/08/2012 09:07

ignoring? making her feel guilty? those are very negative and ultimately ineffective, suggestions. you can't force someone to feel sorry for what they've done, nor should you try.

talking about what has happened is the best way, without being cross. being nice to your children isn't rewarding them for bad behaviour. it sets an example of how you can still be kind and calm even if someone hurts or upsets you, without trying to coerce them into feeling bad about what they have done.

Viperidae · 31/08/2012 21:53

I don't believe in making a child feel awful CatchTheFox but I do think they have to learn negative behaviour will have negative consequences and if you don't teach them that as a parent then, in time, other people will which will be much worse for them.

Petisa · 31/08/2012 23:32

I would shout really loud and send her to the naughty step. Then I would ask her why she did it. I would say how would you feel if someone did that to you? Then she would say sorry and we would kiss and make up. Not saying it's the right thing to do, but it's just how I would react.

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