DD is distraught every time DH leaves for work

[PavlovtheCat]

DH went to US about 4 weeks ago, for two weeks on business trip. He returned, and has been back two weeks.

The entire time he was away, DD aged 6 cried every evening, proper full on bawling. Some nights were worse and there was most likely some element of trying it on to get out of bedtimes etc.

Since he has been back she has cried when he has gone to work. he works mostly evenings, some days. It started at almost bedtime, and has now got nearer and nearer to the time of him leaving, and today, she cried before he left, and has cried since (about 30mins). I have had enough really.

She cried, and whines 'i miss daddy, can you call him up and tell him to come home?!' and other similar type things.

I try patience, comfort and reassurance, distraction. And, then I get cross tbh as it goes on and on and on.

Any suggestions as to how to break this bloody annoying behaviour? why even if she behaving like this? I know I sound heartless but i am not honestly, i just have run out of sympathy and want her to pack it in.

Is she frightened something might happen to Daddy? If this is the cause of her upset she is quite logically trying to get him to come home where she can see that he is safe and can then relax.

At a calm, quiet time ask her to explain why she feels so upset and why does she seem so worried? If she expresses fears like car crashes, falling ill, etc then put the probabilities of those things happening into context for her. Use a context she can really grasp like one person might get killed in a car crash but more people than there are bubbles in her bath get through their journeys safely each day. Then get her to try to count the bubbles in her bath.

You could also explain that every time you let her go somewhere without you could have the same feelings but you had to learn to manage them because they are unrealistic and you want her to go out and have fun.

If this is just about missing him explain that he won't stop going to work but you could perhaps find ways to help her feel better. Perhaps she could have a little job which entails getting something ready for when he gets home so she's focussing on something positive instead of her negative emotions.

HTH

timandra she misses him. I am guessing it is linked with him going away for such a long time. he does not normally go away for business, he goes in august for two weeks each year to work with his brother, but last year she was fine, guess she was younger then? she missed him but was happy he was back, and no issues afterwards like this.

This time, she seems to have struggled to cope with him being away.

She is fine if he goes to the shops, or out to visit a friend. It is the going out for a long period of time she has problems with, but cries before she can even miss him! She does not seem to like being away from him. We have spoken about how both mummy and daddy need to work and what would happen if we did not, but also that we like our jobs and it is good to spend time doing things we like away form our family, it does not mean we don't love each other very much. She says she understands that, and when she gets upset she says 'i dont know why i feel so sad, i know daddy loves his job and he has got to work, but i just dont want him to be away'

Distraction works, for the time of the distraction and if I am giving her most of my attention, but as soon as she has time to think, she starts to miss him again. And becomes very clingy.

Maybe it is a developmental thing?

Maybe developmental in terms of not being quite mature enough to deal with the strong emotions caused by him being away for two weeks.

Could she have one of his t shirts to cuddle or something like that or would that make it worse?

Keeping her busy sounds like a good approach. I would also remind her that she's had times during the day when she was still having fun and not missing him so she gets things in proportion. Help her understand that she didn't miss him all day because she was busy doing x, y and z. That meant she was actually only upset for x minutes which is only x fraction of the day. Hopefully she will see then that him being away is ok for most of the time and there is no reason to get all worked up about it in advance.

DO you think that would help?

I have tried telling her that she has spent all day with him, as I have been at work and daddy has taken them to the park etc! Not even been away from him all day!