Terrible tantrums - HELP, Please!

[pinky27]

Hi, my daughter is 21 months old and is having horrendous tantrum - she seems to have them for no apparent reason and they can last for up to half an hour - she lashes out and kicks her legs and arms and bangs her head off the floor. I have ignored them and tried not to give her attention for them apart from when she hits me and then I tell her "No". Is it normal for her to be having tantrums this bad? what techniques has anyone used that help? Thanks very much.

Tantrums are really normal and a wise Oul W'an told me that as long as they are not harming themselves or others then let her get on with it. In other words, ignore her..it's hard but it works. She will come back to you with a softer tone and then you giver her your attention. The idea is to ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good.

Good luck..

DD1 went through a phase of hitting her own head at around 19 months. At first I was mortified and thought she would be hurting herself. I gave her attention and it never stopped. Once I ignored her, it stopped after a few days. I think she was doing it to 'see what it feels like' more than anything else.

Hope yours passes quickly too.

Thanks for advice - I feel much better now. Was worried that she was turning into a devil child!!! Think it might be because we are moving house next week too and that is unsettling her. Thanks

Does she have food at sensible intervals (every 2-2.5 hours) and enough sleep? Does she have plenty of fresh air and consistent discipline? If those factors are ruled out then she's probably experiencing 'big' feelings that she's upset about. Tantrums of this sort should never be ignored as they are completely different from 'Little Nero' tantrums that are simply about trying to get her own way. At 21 months I think she's too young for the Little Nero sort and I think you need to get alongside her and try and understand what she's getting so upset about. It may be that she's frustrated by not having enough language to express herself. If you ignore her you send the message that her feelings are unimportant and you have no interest in understanding what she's trying to communicate. She will give up trying to tell you. You may be right that she's upset about the house move - if so, try to talk to her about it. At 21 months they understand a lot more than they can say.

DS2 is 21 months too, and he has some ridiculous tantrums. It's often when he has got hold of something belonging to DS1, eg something he has drawn or a breakable toy, so DS1 takes it away (kindly) and gives him something else to play with. So you can understand that.
But the other times, it is for (what seems to us like) no obvious reason at all. I'm fairly sure it is just sheer frustration. He can see DS1 and us doing things he cannot do, and he is now old enough to be aware that he cant do what we can. And his speech is quite good, but there are many things he tells us that we have no idea what he's trying to tell us, which must be horrendous too.
iirc, I am sure that these tantrums get better soon, when their speech and abilities get better, so theyre less frustrated.