My (nearly) 5 year old DS2 is unable to play alone. Will he learn at some point..?

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He seems not to know how/ what to play with things. He has a reasonable range of toys, has an elder brother so lots of stuff around. But he will virtually never just pick something up and play with it. He has a role model of sorts, elder DS is really into playing with lego/construction stuff, as well as his soft toys, bless him! And over the years I have tried sitting with DS2 to 'help' him play, sort of get him started, but he seems to clam up even more. If asked what he enjoys doing, he replies 'nothing', or 'telly', or 'eating chocolate cake'. If I try to force anything he just says 'thats boring.' So when telly is off(which is plenty before anyone asks!!) he either just sort of hangs around like a mopey teenager or plays with DS1 if he is free. Everything else is boring

What I see him enjoying - playing rough and tumble with me/dad/brother; outdoors stuff eg cycling/trampolining; playing with older brother with soft toys where he follows DS1's game rules! Thats it. How can I help expand his range of interests a bit..?

does he engage in any imaginative play? Pretending to be something else or to be somewhere else for instance? How is he at nursery? Does he mix with other DC there ok? Join in?

My DS1 was the same. I never realised that his toys were wasted on him until I saw how well DS2 played with them.

He's nearly 7 and better now. He still prefers outdoor physical play but will now sit and colour, do Lego, hot wheels etc.

Imaginative play was just never his thing and I think he needed the maturity to get satisfaction out of things iyswim. He didn't draw a single thing until 5.5 and then he was able to draw something recognisable as opposed to all that mark making they're supposed to love.

I wouldn't worry too much but it is exhausting!

I agree with toysoldiers - my 2 boys are exactly the same!

We bought DS1 tons of 'imaginative' toys but he never really played with them - it was only when DS2 came along and played with all toys in the most imaginative way I have ever seen that I realised DS1's lack of imagination

Anyway, he is a very 'outdoors' boy who would play football and cricket for hours (as long as someone is playing with him) but really struggles to play indoors on anything that isn't electrical

He is 6 now and still not really showing signs of this changing - I guess that is just the way some children are! But it is exhausting and frustrating - particularly when I can see DS2 amuse himself for hours with his cars and people.

No advice though!

what about a team sport type of activitty instead seeing as he seems to love outdoors games? just a thought, there is a group in my area called 'rugby tots' I'm going to put DS in for example, they take them from 2!!

DS3 was great at amusing himself until this time last year (when he was 4), a year at school in a very stimulating environment with someone around to play with all the time he seems to have lost that ability. The thing I've heard most from his over the last six weeks is "I'm bored I've got no-one to play with"

I agree with other posters, I think some children are just better than others at playing with toys. In my case it's DS2 who is happy to play with his cars, trains etc while DS1 prefers the TV / computer, physical activities or playing with someone else. My only advice is to try not to assume that he 'should' enjoy the same things as his older brother and to keep trying different activities to see what he shows an interest in. Cooking? Painting? Jigsaws? Sticker books? Board games? Can you enrol him in gym / swimming / tennis classes? Agree it is more tiring for you!

My DD who is 6 never has and never will play alone she needs constant adult attention so much so we as parents are finding it really hard to cope with. My DH finds it especially hard and is causing him lots of stress as she will not leave either of us alone. My DS who is 4 can entertain himself quite happily. I can sympathise because it really is draining, she also thinks we don't like her as we are always moaning at her and not at DS but it is because she stifles us. My DH has taken her for a bike ride now and she has been glued to him all morning, but by lunch time he will either go out or I will take kids out so he isn't bombarded. If she is around her friends or busy doing a group activity such as gymnastics or swimming she is fine and certainly isn't a clingly child. I think maybe I do too much with her we are always out and about but this is because she doesnt play at home and I find it easier going to a park or the beach rather than having her moaning or following me at home. I hate to say this but my DH can't cope with her stifling behaviour and I really don't know how much longer he can cope within the family unit, I would never blame her because he is the adult and he should find strategies to cope with it like I have but if she wasn't the way she was he wouldn't be the way he is, moody and stressed!!

My middle son is just like this and I find it exhausting! I can totally relate to everything you're saying Peppajay! And it HAS destroyed our family unit, my Ex just couldn't cope and left!

It's so suffocating sometimes. DS1 and DS3 will happily play on their own or with each other or with their toys for hours, but DS2 just doesn't 'get it'. He follows me everywhere and wants to be picked up all the time. He also has very bad behaviour and speech delays. He is a very outdoorsy boy and loves football. He's 3yrs old so I'm hoping things will improve when he starts school. It's got to the point I can't even cook meals because he stands next to me screaming or wanting to be picked up or yanking on my clothes? I would love to know how to deal with this!

My dd1 has never played as such. She's 8 now but when she was about 5 my dh told me to stop buying playmobil castles and the like and just get her art and craft things. We sold the castle and got shelves for craft stuff and a table. And that's what she does.

She will play if led by dd2 who is 5 now but would never play on her own.

vixster18- it is so difficult to know what to do and I think if you have other children who do play quite happily it is more down to the character of the child rather than the parenting. I do think as well these last 2 weeks have been worse as she is getting bored without the stimulation of school and the fact that we are all getting fed up of each other. She absolutely loves school and the activities she does ie dancing, swimming , rainbows and has found it really hard having everything stopped for the holidays, whereas my 4 yr old loves the playing at home, and lego, play doh, cutting etc. We have tried taking to her about it etc and treats for playing alone but nothing works. She has just got really cross because her brother has made a boat from lego on his own and she wants to make one but she will not just sit with the lego to build etc she expects me to build it for her!!

Peppajay- your life sounds just like mine! We are currently playing with megablocks but i have to build the castle for DS2 or he has a meltdown.

I think like you said, having other children who do play by themselves happily really shows how different these children are. DS2 also loves routine, nursery, days out etc where as the other 2 would rather be at home. I tend to go out an awful lot as that seems to help. Soft play areas have been my saviour this summer holidays! It takes him about 20-30mins of hanging on my leg and to settle in but once he's confident he's off and I get time to sit on my own and breathe.

Peppapig has also helped, it's the only programme he's ever watched, so i'll get 10minutes to put the washing on whilst he watches that.

Apologies for posting and then disappearing, I rather stupidly posted just the night before our hols!! But thanks for the replies, its really interesting, and in a way reassuring to hear that its not uncommon to have a child who can't play. I completely relate to comments about feeling stifled, I do sometimes feel I push him away because its just too much, and so he picks up on being pushed away and its a vicious circle then...and yes, it drives DH potty, and then Im cross with him too because its me that copes with it all day every day!

So sympathy to those of you with similar...lets hope it improves with age!

Peppa, that is just like my dd 6 too. Dh and I are at our wits end. It particularly rings true where you say about moaning at her and she thinks you don't like her. I do this because I just feel suffocated but hate myself for it. She is so bright and clever and full on, and lovely really, but there is just no respite ever. I don't know when it eases up, ds was nothing like this.

I have found (and I may get flamed but don't care) that letting her play on the computer on Barbie or cbbc or similar will buy some time. This is the only thing that gets her off our backs. Also I have to take her out rather than stay in as I am ready to scream if I don't.

this has cheered me up - my DS 6 is just the same - he only really occupies himself on his own with Wii, TV or computer - and probably has too much of them at times
to be fair he likes playing if someone else - anyone at all -will play with him - loves lego - although he was over 5 at least untill he really liked it , football, drawing
OP - does he like (simple) board games or jigsaws - sometimes - but only sometimes if I get him started on something he will cary on - but as I have a toddler this can be tricky

I think these dc are just very people orientated and need interaction with other people a lot.

This is waht I tell myself when I am ready to explode anyway