I have been reading the tantruming 5 year old thread with interest hoping to get some tips. Particularly interested in the no punishment thing.
In our case ds is 5 (will be 6 in Oct) and has always hit out. We have tried everything, we used to confiscate toys but haven't done this in over 18 months as it felt very wrong and his anger went crazy whenever we took a toy away. So what we have done since then is take him to his room to calm down. It is done in a non punishment way, it really works in calming him down, he plays or reads and comes out five mins later happy again. So that works on one level, in as much as it stops things escalating. My issue now is how to stop the initial hitting out? I have used a reward chart this past two weeks. He had to have a tick under 'no fighting' for three days in a row to get the reward. It took a whole two weeks for him to get three days in a row. Now he has got the reward he has said to me that he don't have to behave anymore! So I have told him the chart will continue, he now goes and puts ticks on all the days! Here are a few examples of when he hits:
- He pointed at a man in public to ask a question, I whispered no pointing, he hit me.
- We were in a church, ds asked dh what a man was doing, dh said praying, ds hit him for a full ten mins.
- Ds asked me if I could row out to an island in the distance, I said no, it would be too far, he hit me across the back of my legs with a stick he was carrying (on forest walk).
He also laughs alot when he hits out, he says he will never stop doing it. Last year I spoke to his teacher, she said he is testing his limits. In April he was hitting alot. In the end I said to him this is what it feels like to be hit, and I slapped him across the back of his legs. He cried and then didn't hit me again for 5 months! If ever he went to hit I'd say you slap me and I will slap you right back, it stopped him in his tracks. I'd rather not do this, but it worked. Anyway, since school hols he has been back to daily hitting, the above examples are from the last few weeks.
Help please! Sorry about long thread, but I don't want to waste anyones time telling the story bit by bit. Ds was just making me a lego dog to 'make me happy' after he hit me as I said I would not be singing rockabye baby to dc2 (due in Nov) when he asked. I told him the thing that would make me happy is if he stopped hitting me. He is now no longer making me a lego dog.