Im concerned about my super sensitive 7yo DS

[ettiketti]

He's a lovely boy, never been a moments trouble. We haven't yet, at 7.5, had a glimmer of the hormone surge most friends have, he's kind, gentle....but very sensitive.

A few recent examples are:

Crying when our car gave up finally and we discussed replacing it as he'd never see it again

Retching over the toilet with tummy ache when hamster escaped

Instant tummy ache and nausea when I lost something of huge sentimental value to me, culminating in violent vomiting

He always feels ill when there is any kind of friction or upset as above, and I'm inclined to think its not a phase, as he's been like it for at least a year that I can recall.

I'm keen to nip it in the bud and prevent future issues, as he's in a lovely little primary school bubble now isn't he, but has a few years of potential stress such as residential trips with school from yr 4. His sister has done all these, incidentally, and he's enthusiastic about following in her footsteps but I do think the reality might be different when it comes to it.

He youngest of 3, although big gap to DC1 who is an adult. Stable home life, apart from some quite traumatic times with dc1 as a teen...this never affected him like this at the time tho, and only really ended 12mths ago.

I wondered if anything like CBT was available for children, or really where to ask for help and what form that help might take?

Thanks for reading!

. Sorry no help, but am interested in replies.

Do you think the problem is anxiety itself, or do you think it might be part of a wider problem? Is there anything else you are concerned about with his behaviour/development? I think that would affect the way it needs to be approached.

fuzzpig not really noticed anything else to worry about. He's going through early stages, ie physio assessment next week pre-Consultant appt, of being diagnosed with some sort of hypermobililty thing but that's very low key and recent. He's bright, very funny, can be a little shy but friendly, popular, happy little chap.

I'm not a Health Worrier and have a bit of a thing about labels, prefer to think naively I'm sure, that some things are just personality rather than a Syndrome/Disorder, so I have no clue whatsoever if it could be linked with anything bigger if you see what I mean.

I'm almost certain its purely anxiety, I was a very nervous child, extremely shy and sensitive ibs type tummy, but I've not been like that for 25years, so its not learned behaviour, although it could clearly be "inherited"!

Is he experimenting, trying out what it's like to deal with his emotions by these OTT gestures? Or has he always been extreme in his reactions?

Not extreme at all, other than being extremely laid back! Sleeps very well, goes to sleep easily as long as nothing happens at bedtime. The only other thing that makes him different to his siblings is his need for his 3 favourite soft toys and an old baby blanket at bedtime, but again these are new developments in the last 18mths or so. We only discovered the blanket this year when I emptied the airing cupboard :o His siblings have nothing at all like that, but then he's always been more soft, poppy and sensitive, I just figured its part of it!

He hates feeling ill, so I'm pretty certain its not attention seeking, in fact he makes no fuss, simply goes to the bathroom, gets a cup of water, lays a hand towel in the floor and kneels by the loo!! It's normally his sister that notices and comes to alert us!

soppy

Hi etti,

Just wanted to share with you that I was very much like your DS when I was his age and I am still sick now if I get really nervous or upset.

School trips, conflict, going to friends houses for tea, the start of a new term would all make me anxious and therefore sick. I didn't make a fuss either, no attention seeking from me.

This did turn into the odd panic attack when I was a teen and I struggled with anxiety throughout secondary school and into the work place.

I think cbt would have worked for me but wasn't an option, counselling sucked and tablets I wouldn't take as I thought I could control it myself.

I don't have advice as such but I just wanted to reassure you that despite all that I had a really great childhood and went on to run 2 successful businesses and I have lots of lovely friends and the anxiety has pretty much gone now.

My mum thinks the cause could be my grandad dying when I was 7, it blew my little world apart as I was so close to him and I just couldn't get my head around him dying.

Your son sounds wonderful and I'm sure by the sounds he'll be just fine and I hope you get some good advice and help.

hyperballad thank you so much for your reply. I think he's pretty great too, I really hope I can get him a little help to make his anxiety ease.

It's reassuring to hear you've outgrown it, and you sound a huge success! Interesting that you feel CBT might have helped, its the kind of thing I was thinking of, as I mentioned.

Thanks again :)

Hi ettiketti,

I have a very anxious DS who does not actually vomit but becomes queasy, complains of stomach ache, loses his appetite and becomes sensotive to smells when worried.

It also started at 7.5. A very meek boys until 5 he had turned out sporty and sociable but suddenly became obsessed with natural disasters and other very improbable events.
the hormone surge kicked in shortly after.
One year on, he is much better ( a little dose of maturity helps). We did a short bout of therapy (about 8 weekly sessions), not full blown CBT but some applied behavioral therapy and it has helped a lot.
We talk a lot aand he matures, discussions become easier and more productive.

I think one thing that you must look into is that his sibblings are older. Is he generally around grown ups a lot?
Often they see, hear and understand a lot more that they are prepared to. But they do not have the experience to equip them with intellectual and emotional tools to make sense of things iykwim?

The fact that no one knew about his cuddly blanket might indicate he was hiding his "childish" habit?

Thanks hothead I do wonder the same, last year too I had a near fatal health scare and spent a couple of months in hospital, immediately after which things turned very bad with eldest. How van I have not linked this before?!?

I feel so dense and guilty now for not linking it all....

It sounds as though what he is reacting to is loss or perceived loss. I wonder if this is something to do with the older sibling. I would not be surprised if he picked up on more than you realised.

FWIW I remember crying my eyes out every time my parents sold a car when I was about that age!

It IS a phase though. Quite typical for 7-9 year olds i understand.
The teacher last year was fab. He said It also coincides with a time at school when they are starting "serious" learning and are encouraged towards more independance etc....
So if you have a sensitive child you just have to accompany them on this path.

DS is a very confident player on a basketball court. Very sociable. He still cried every morning last week on the school bus. New school, no friends.....
He was very excited about starting but the actual transition is just a bit difficult.
We give lots of hugs and have learned to helpe him "visualise" what comes next.

HTH

fairphyllis he's very pleased with the new car, despite it not being a mini convertible! Hoping it lasts as many years so we avoid further car loss anxiety!

He "doesn't feel very well" with tummy pains and nausea at the slightest thing, DH does 90% of bedtimes and if its a bit noisy/stressy as DS and DD are messing about and DH has to get stern, this sets him off too. Going to social occasions other than to close family too, even if we are all going together, he's v v happy going to and in school tho.

laptop that's very reassuring, the only phase most of my peers mention at this stage is the hormone surge that seems to cause huge temper tantrums and stroppiness. None of that here thankfully, I've enough with hormonal preteen DD!

I hope I'm reassuring him and helping him through, but we've had a couple of weeks of bad luck and he's reacted strongly to so many things, its made it more obvious I guess.

Would be lovely to think its a phase and reassurance etc will help rather than my slack parenting fail by not realising last year's events had affected him so much.

justabout I think CBT type work might help, I'm looking up the book mentioned above.

That sounds brilliant! Those are definitely techniques that my DS would enjoy. He never ever mentions me being ill, they didn't see much of me as I really was too ill and the treatment/environment wasn't pleasant for them, but they had a fantastic time with my mum and mum and dh tried to make it as easy as possible.

You never really know what's going on in their little minds, but he's a good talker, so hopefully it'll not be too tricky to deal with.

Oh no! Dont talk about slack parenting. There were corcumstiantial reasons for the malaise in the family and it affects everyone one way or the other.

Yes to all those techniques to lighten up the mood, re-introduce playfulness.
hothead there is great site called "shout your angries out" with a good animated tutorial on relaxation techniques.

Thank you for the book recommendation.

My ds aged 6 is very similar. He is very sensitive and worries over everything. He frequently has a bad tummy, worries over something his teacher says etc. they even wrote in his report he need to stop stressing over the small things.

He's been convinced he will die from something so every night we get something like ' if you get shower gel in your eye will you die' me ' why did you get shower gel in your eye in the bath' ds' yes' me ' no you won't die from that, your fine'
Ths conversation happens most nights relating to something ie gone off milk, tummy ache, hiccups etc
I thought maybe like me he was just a born worrier.
I'm off to get the book for some tips on how to help him.