My 6 year old daughter doesn't listen

[primrosefairie]

How can I get my 6 year old daughter to listen to me without having to scream at her? It is becoming a pattern now in our household that no matter how nice I say no to things she just keeps asking for it. The more I say no, she goes on and on until I start screaming at her and she cries and everyone in the household is upset. Asking for chocolates or sweets at 9 in the morning is a no. there are certain rules, but she just does not want to accept no. Is it me? I am beginning to think it is. please help, I know she is testing my patience and I used to be patient, but I just don't know anymore???

Snap. My soon-to-be six year old DD is exactly the same. Even down to the asking for sweets at 9am. And ice lollies. My DD is defiant, answers back, and refuses to listen. The rest of the time she is just lovely, ahem

I have started using some strategies that I read about in a book that was profiled on mumsnet - Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting by Noel Janis-Norton, and there has definitely been less shouting in my house. One of the strategies is descriptive praise, where you describe their 'good' behaviour to them when they are doing it, ie. if she listens to you when you ask her to do something you say, 'you did what Mummy asked the first time without me having to ask again.'

When I remember to do it, I can really see a difference. In calm moments, like cuddling reading a story, I talk to her about her most recent meltdown/bad behaviour and why it wasn't acceptable, and what she should have done differently, trying to get her to reflect on it herself.

Not sure if that is any help, but if nothing else just know that it is not you, and there are other stroppy 6 year old girls out there also driving their Mums crazy!

Another one here! DD is 5 and a half. Must be an age thing, maybe? I feel like I have a 5 year old teenager in the house. BellaMummy's suggestions sound good. The book How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk suggests the same strategy. It makes a lot of sense but often hard to remember in the heat of the moment. I will be watching this thread with interest.

I have that book too! You are both right - in the heat of the moment it's hard to remember. I still find myself shouting 'ENOUGH - GO TO YOUR ROOM'. Then feeling bad for shouting. I have to remind myself to be the grown-up and stay calm and in control....so hard in that moment though.

Sounds normal. All kids ask for sweets in the morning. Children have to be taught behaviour, has she seen you sneaking choccy in the morning lol.

This too will pass.

Same here. DD1 is nearly 6 and doesn't listen to me. She's had the school hearing test so I know it's just her blanking me. It drives me mad, especially when we are out and about, I feel a bit stupid when she ignores me. She lives in a world of her own (oh, but when she speaks to me of course I'm expected to pay full attention and give a response within a nanosecond).

I'm counting down the days till school starts again!

I suddenly don't feel alone anymore, thanks a mill for all of the good advise. I need to get my hands on those books. I also try to keep calm and being the adult in the house, but I think kids are so clever, they know our soft spots and try try and try until we break. I just need to control this. It is hard to keep that balance, but good to know I am not alone in this.

I too have the same problem with my DS at 6. I have tried to be more responsive when he does what he's hold but it makes no difference. He looks at me as though I'm poo, answers back, is just horrible to me, difficult to talk to without cocky backchat. Trouble is my 3 year old copies him then it becomes gang like culture. Surprisingly it all went wrong when he started reception - from a lovely little boy to a horror.

Tried various directions, show him love, time, affection, fun etc but its all thrown back in my face. We can spend a lovely hour or so together then he goes off on one and its all spoilt!

His actions are affecting me badly which in turn is making my relationship with my husband difficult.

Got to a point when I dread weekends!

Could you try:
First time she asks "No"
Secnd time "No, and, if you.ask me again, you will be sent to your room"
Third time - take to room.