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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Playing Games with your children

16 replies

Earlybird · 13/03/2006 09:40

When you play games with your children do you "rig" the game so they can win some of the time? Or do you let the game proceed naturally? Don't know why, but whenever dd loses, I feel bad for her.....though she doesn't seem to mind.

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juliab · 13/03/2006 10:17

I do a bit of both, Earlybird.
Tend to let the youngest win if he obviously wants to - reckon gameplaying for him is all about learning to take turns.
With the eldest two (6 and 7), I let it go naturally. They're at that stage when they need to learn how to deal with losing. And they don't get a lot of practice at that at their lovely but everybody-wins-all-the-time school...

Hallgerda · 13/03/2006 10:19

I don't rig games. But I do discourage triumphalism in the victorious child!

Miaou · 13/03/2006 10:19

Just make sure you don't rig it so they always win ... I have worked in a school in the past and you can always spot the kids whose parents have let them win every game...it's not pretty!!!

milward · 13/03/2006 10:21

I let them win if the game allows it! - feel that it's important to learn to take turns though! My dd1 can now beat me at chess!!

Posey · 13/03/2006 19:33

Sometimes but certainly not always. Would hate a child who couldn't cope with coming 2nd, but also would hate to be like "competitive dad".

WigWamBam · 13/03/2006 19:40

No, I don't rig games for dd to win - I felt that she needed to learn that sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. It seems to me that the way to learn to lose graciously is to at least have some practice at losing! Although I sometimes let dd have a couple of extra throws if she's waiting for a 6 to start or something and her interest is waning.

ghosty · 13/03/2006 20:00

Because DS is such a bad loser we can't rig games ... he has to learn somehow ...

roisin · 13/03/2006 20:06

I have never rigged games to let them win; but it is important to choose appropriate games - i.e. when they are young games with a high degree of luck rather than skill are more suitable. Sometimes we play games of pure skill, or very high skill, and then we negotiate in a handicap for me or an advantage for them. That works very well - it is fair and just, but evens the playing field a bit.

How old are your kids?

I should confess that I often cheat (sometimes to win sometimes to lose) just to make the game finish quicker!

I do think though that the "sore loser" mentality is partly a personality thing to do with competitive nature and not just environmental. My boys happen to be really great about winning/losing - but I don't claim all the credit for that.

JoPG · 13/03/2006 21:06

I'm with ghosty exactly on this one. DS1 is a very sore loser, and I really feel that he has to take his turn at losing so he can learn how to be gracious in defeat.
When playing snakes and ladders he checks how many it is to the next snake and if he gets that number he pretends he can't find the dice, or miscounts so he misses that square. I just say that I am not prepared to play with him unless he plays properly.
In his defence, if he wins he is not atall smug - so I guess we are ok on that front.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 13/03/2006 21:10

We will rig slightly, like choosing a really bad last domino (ds is only 3 so we have them facing up) so that ds can have the winning one. He then proceeds to tell me I have chosen a bad one, and offers me the opportunity to swap - bless.

I like hullabaloo, because you can't rig the game. Whoever is on the right pad wins. Ds does seem to be very lucky and definately wins more that he loses/nobody wins.

When ds loses he is genuinely happy for the winner. I hope it lasts.

Toots · 14/03/2006 14:21

Am with Hallgarda on discouraging triumphalism. I cried once when DD1 sang 'You're not the winner, you're not the winner' right into my face . When I was feeling better (after a cuddle, snack, fave tv prog ) we worked out that a nice thing to say when you win is 'better luck next time' to your opponents.

Original poster

Earlybird · 14/03/2006 15:27

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. I think I feel badly when dd loses because she is such a good sport. It's completely my own issue to think that I should/could make her even happier by allowing her to win, when clearly she's simply happy just to play the game - and that's the way it should be.

Toots - did you really cry? Can't tell from your post if you're serious or tongue in cheek...

OP posts:

Toots · 14/03/2006 15:38

I really did! Well tears pricking at my eyes. Daft I know but I do hate crowing.

Earlybird she sounds lovely.

Toots · 14/03/2006 15:39

didn't help did it.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 14/03/2006 15:40

yep except when it is poker

MrsWood · 15/03/2006 21:26

LOL, my dd (2.8) beat me at "memory" yesterday! She was getting every damn block right, and put me to shame :)
But, so far we never purposely let her win - she never gets annoyed anyway. If she wins, she wants to play again, and if she loses, she just goes to play with something else as "that's boring" now.
I guess as with everything in life, it can't always be their way - it's best to let them see that even losing a game can be fun simply because it's fun playing (cliche, I know) - it shouldn't be about winning. Nobody can always win. Kids should know that, otherwise it may be hard for them when playing with their friends, or competing at something at school.

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