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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How to stop your child to come sleep with you in the middle of the night?

22 replies

OnlineMummum · 21/08/2012 21:28

Hi everyone, our 3 years old DD has developed this new habit of coming into our bed everyday single night - usually around 3am. We're usually so tired to try and put her back in her bed that she ends up sleeping with us but we're starting to feel like this might never stop and I can't sleep well that way so am very tired every morning! Has anyone else encountered the same issue? Would love any recommendations! Thanks!

OP posts:

crackcrackcrak · 21/08/2012 21:30

Dd1 does it - she is like a cat that way. I just let her stay - at least it has progressed from her wailing from her bed!
I assume they stop eventually.

iseenodust · 21/08/2012 21:33

Great I look forward to it stopping. DS 7 does it still a couple of times a week but has learnt to crawl up the bed from the bottom and generally doesn't wake me anymore.

PPT · 21/08/2012 21:33

I did this as a small child as did my brother! It was cosy for a while. My parents resorted to two single mattresses on either side of their bed. Do you think you daughter may compromise with that? You can pick up pretty reasonable ones in ikea. It'd help you get a better nights sleep. We did grow out of it (afraid about 6 or 7) but we never felt forced out!

MrsPnut · 21/08/2012 21:37

They do stop eventually, our 15 year old stopped when she was about 7 or so.

We now just have our 6 year old in our bed now, fortunately the number of nights a week has dwindled a lot so that it is mostly if she is unwell or not sleeping properly.

I'd make sure that DD has a full sized bed that daddy can go and get in if needs be so you can all get a decent night's sleep and just wait it out.

PavlovtheCat · 21/08/2012 21:38

Not sure I have any answers. Dd is six and and still does it a lot. Ds is 2.5 and he often comes up now too. As someone said beats the wailing from the bedroom!

With ds, I often take him back, and lay down in his bed with him. More often he is understanding that I mean it when I tell him I am not sleeping there, but resting for a moment. Sometimes he is awake when I leave and is ok neither me going now. The only reason I stopped letting him stay with us is that he kicks us constantly and I sleep worse than if I take him back to bed.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 21/08/2012 21:39

I tell mine to go find her brother and she usually staggers off in the direction of his room, I then find them curled up together the next morning.

timetosmile · 21/08/2012 21:43

Second vote for a small mattress at the side of the bed, especially for DSs who wriggled and slept like starfish so were a pain to have in bed, but DD would snuggle warmly like a little kitten next to my back, and that was a lovely way to sleep.

They do grow out of it and when they have, all us parents of older children are a teeny bit sad, I think

thestringcheesemassacre · 21/08/2012 21:46

I just return them and re-settle. If I let them in for even one night, they try it every night going after that. It's a pain etc, having to get out of bed, but worth it.

thestringcheesemassacre · 21/08/2012 21:47

I just return them and re-settle. If I let them in for even one night, they try it every night going after that. It's a pain etc, having to get out of bed, but worth it.

RaisinDEtre · 21/08/2012 21:49

they do grow out of it, we just went with it because pref to that Silent Staring that they do, SHUDDER

EyesDoMoreThanSee · 21/08/2012 21:57

Oh god the silent staring. Yes. Terrifying. More than once I have closed my eyes to fall back to sleep and then opened then to see if DD is asleep and she has moved several inches closer and is nose to nose. Then fairly predictably I jump, she giggles and the only thing to do is get up and have a cup of tea.

We hVw always co slept, DD is two, and we have a double set up in the spare room next to her cot. We are just about to start the process of getting DD to sleep in a bed, and she will then be able to creep in with us if she wakes. DH in the nearest side to the door, ha ha ha

oopslateagain · 21/08/2012 21:59

DD got into this when she was about 30 months; every single night, and if we put her back to bed, she'd be back in with us within half an hour.

We waited till a Friday night (i.e. no work next day), and made up our minds to put her back to bed every single time. No engaging in conversation, no lights on, just scoop her up, carry her back to bed, cover her with duvet, snuggle teddy in with her, say "goodnight", then head back to bed.

We put her back to bed seventeen times the first night. We counted. By Sunday night, it was four times. By the end of the week, she didn't come in to us at all.

Hope you find something that works for you.

ArrietyClock · 21/08/2012 22:03

GroClock. We had to return our DD to bed the first couple of nights with a reminder that she could come into bed with us when the sun came up, and after that she was fine. She didn't seem to make the connection that it was morning before we allowed her into bed! She was about 2.5.

fhdl34 · 21/08/2012 22:06

My mum says she used to get out of bed and go and sleep in the vacant bed, leaving whichever child it was to sleep with my dad. I may be employing this tactic in years to come

webwiz · 21/08/2012 22:17

We just bought a bigger bed. DS certainly doesn't come in any more though - he's 15!

cerealqueen · 21/08/2012 22:19

We have the same issue so you have my sympathy. DD1 comes into our bed to DP's side as I have DD2 in the bed my side. Before DD2, I used to get her go back to her bed but DP now just lets her in so its a bit of a squash and a habit is entrenched. Sometimes DP will go into her bed but often so tired he'll stay.
I don't know whether to reinforce that she must go back to her own bed or just go with it as she's only 3 and wants the comfort and sees DD2 in with us and feels left out!

Born2bemild · 21/08/2012 22:53

Just embrace it, and them! One of us vacates if needed and I enjoy the time with them. Not helpful, but so many people think it's a problem just because other people tell them it is. I thought it through and decided it was fine.

ExitPursuedByABear · 21/08/2012 22:56

Mine is 12 (nearly 13) and still does it.

Sorry.

But what the hell, she doesn't want to even acknowledge that she knows me during the day - so when she says "But I always sleep better with Mummy" who am I to argue?

tholeon · 22/08/2012 06:14

Mine has a sleep fairy, if he stays in bed till his gro clock says it is morning she leaves a sweet under a cushion. Works v well ..

MaliKat · 22/08/2012 06:34

DS goes through phases of this. It depends how exhausted I am and what time it is and if I think he's likely to wake the baby. Sometimes I let him stay, that's when he comes straight for a cuddle usually because he's cold. I did manage to freak DH out once when DS came in and DH didn't notice. Dd started to stir so I got up to feed her. DH registered the baby and me going out with her. And then got freaked out because he could still hear breathing!

If he's in talk mode I either take him to his bed (much more practical since he's been out of the cot) or if its after 530 send him to the sofa to play with the iPad

But he's not done it for a couple of weeks, I think because it's so hot it doesn't matter that he's kicked all the covers off.

dobalina · 22/08/2012 06:43

I'll be keeping ds in a cot til he's 10

Original poster

OnlineMummum · 22/08/2012 22:35

Thanks everyone for your messages. Seems like this can continue for quite a lot of years!
Unfortunately we can't put a mattress next to our bed (the room is too narrow) but I'm intrigued by the groclock. Our DD came into our bed this morning at 430am - I was so tired, I went to sleep in another bed but had such a hard time falling back asleep! . Maybe I will try sleeping in that other bed for 1-2 nights to get some rest and get groclock!
Let's see how this goes...

OP posts:

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