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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help I have 2 weeks to sort this out

18 replies

mummyneedingahug · 20/08/2012 21:51

DS is 4 and has never really asked to go to the loo for a poo or just taken himself. He feels the need and then sits very still and gets cross if you ask him to go, often resisting. Once in the loo his pants are dirty.

We did a reward chart for visiting the loo after breakfast and after tea. He would often poo at these times and then be fine all day, however if not he would have an accident at lunchtime.

I am getting so worried as school is 2 weeks away. My GP has refered us but the wait could be long.
I have been calm, said nothing, got cross, I have run out of ideas.

Please help! He isnt constipated the GP checked so I am 100% sure this is embarrisment of asking to go or a behaviour issue. :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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RaisinDEtre · 20/08/2012 21:57

to whom has the GP referred DS? I mean, continence clinic, a pead, another ?

how did the GP check for constipation?

lljkk · 20/08/2012 21:59

He wouldn't be the first to wear pull-ups in reception.
I just think I'd feel better, if it were me, to have a backup plan.
What was the reward with the chart? My 4yos wouldn't have the maturity to follow a chart very well.
What about a few chocolate buttons if he does poo on the loo?

thedevilisinthedetail · 20/08/2012 22:08

My daughter was just like this until a week ago...not professing to have cracked this but had an amazing week compared to before. I felt she was able to do it and wasn't so told her I would throw away all knickers that were dirtied and if we ran out it was back to nappies. This was after 10 months of pooing accidents. It took 8 days for no accidents but we neared the end of or supply and she got it...delighted.

G ood luck

Quip · 20/08/2012 22:15

This book was very helpful to me when I was in a similar situation. It was recommended on one of the many threads on this issue.

It does sound like my experience that one of my DC had with withholding poo and soiling because he couldn't hold it in. When he started school he was fine when he just did mornings, but had accident after accident when he went all day. The teachers were very understanding and he was clean from half way through reception.

Tbh, I think starting reception in pull-ups would be a disaster, and would mark you out as a parent who hadn't bothered to potty train. (I'm not saying this is the case, just saying what my DSis primary school teacher would say... )Schools are used to accidents.

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 20/08/2012 22:18

Thats great news thedevilisinthedetail - I really hope that will happen too!
The reward chart was for a Wii - which he got as for a week we went when asked and didnt have any accidents - but since then he has had accidents again :(
The GP has refered to a ped who specalises in continence. I really dont think it is constipation as he goes regually and it isnt dry or hard etc.
I am soooooooooooooo worried!

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Catandthecream · 20/08/2012 22:22

I am in the same boat with Ds1 4.5. We've tried everything, he still soils his pants everyday. At this late stage I am hoping he just holds it in till he gets home. He has been out of nappies for 20 months!

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 20/08/2012 23:09

Glad to not be alone cat. Have you spoken to GP?

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 22/08/2012 21:04

anyone else had this problem with a DC?

OP posts:

Catandthecream · 22/08/2012 21:53

Yes he is on movicol but she doesn't think there is anything physically wrong with him, just can't be bothered to go to the toilet! The movicol at least means he can't hold it in, though he still tries. I've lost the will to live with it these days.

Catandthecream · 22/08/2012 21:55

If it's any consolation my gp said often very smart kids are too busy doing other stuff to go to the toilet!

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 22/08/2012 22:23

I really got cross with DS today :( hated being so cross but I am just so out of ideas! He gets so annoyed with me asking him to go to the loo yet he has already started to go in his pants! I said I stopped asking him to go, he must go and everytime he did I would give him a sticker. 14 stickers = a bike. A bike!! Even that didn't work. So I got cross and this time said I was putting poo pants in the bin and when he run out its nappies. He replied, "no one will see my nappy so don't worry mummy" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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rainbowrosie · 22/08/2012 22:23

I have 3.5 girl who was with-holding poo and we ended up in terrible cycle and her moods were horrible we would call it "poo-gate" it went on for months - I did gp & health visitor & lots of talking to folk
Our solution was movicol to disassociate pooing with pain so it became quicker process & marble jar for rewards adding up to fairly good treats like 5 times just sitting on loo she did not have to "poo" but got rewarded for sitting and distracted her whilst on the loo with phone games
The process of removing pain/fear thru movicol & rewards and praise seemed to trick - it has taken I think approx 2 months but now we have a pooing happy girl - good luck

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 22/08/2012 22:26

The trouble for my DS is that he poo is soft and he is a daily pooer so he isn't finding it painful...... thank you though, nice to not be alone :(

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Catandthecream · 23/08/2012 20:17

I get annoyed with him too, how can you not! I try very hard not to want to flush him down the toilet somedays!

We have tried reward charts, getting something small like a car every time he went in toilet, threats of going back in nappies or going back to junior class of nursery. Currently saying he won't be able to go to reception with his friends but back to nursery in two weeks. Any success is short-lived, he just loses interest (doesn't help that he is quite spoiled by others which makes rewards less desirable).

I have put poo pants in the bin for a very long time! It's bad enough without having to scrub them up too. Tesco do a pack of 5 for £2.50, not that much more than nappies at full price!

RaisinDEtre · 23/08/2012 20:28

it totally sounds like chronic constipation, which can present confusingly as runny poos, skiddy pants

scroll down to 'soiling'

WipsGlitter · 23/08/2012 20:30

We had/have this. I was mega stressed sending him to pre-school. We has lots and lots of soiling and accidents and it was a nightmare. Movicol worked for us as it makes them go (ie is not just a stool softener). It might be worth trying

Hassled · 23/08/2012 20:36

I think the embarrassment factor will kick in pretty damn quickly at school - he'll work out this isn't what "most kids" do and be generally more co-operative re trying to sort it. Don't under-estimate the power of peer pressure - obviously lots of YrR kids have accidents, but most issues like this will resolve speedily.

Original poster

mummyneedingahug · 23/08/2012 22:30

That was my hope Hassled. I really do not think he is constipated, it isnt overflow, however I am convinced that if I didn't insist that he goes to the loo when he is doing the poo dance and has already started to go a little in his pants, he would soon be having constipation from holding it in! What do I do!?????

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