Please please help. DS behaviour AWFUL :(

[SleepyCaz]

A bit of background. I am 24 weeks preg with DC3. I have DD who is 3 and DS who is 6. DS has always been what you'd call 'high spirited'. He needs constant stimulation, never sits still for five minutes, always making a noise. He is also one of the highest achievers in his class at school. (About to start year 2). He's always been little ahead of his years vocabulary and intellect wise. Very loving and affectionate. Likes lots of cuddles and kisses etc and always very tactile. A little darling.
However... Over the last few months or so his behaviour towards myself and DH has become abominable. He is constantly angry or aggressive. He backchats and is so cheeky. His latest trick is whenever we have to speak to him about something he's done wrong/ask him to stop doing something naughty, he'll mimic it back to us: "DS stop that now!" "(silly voice) DS stop that now!!" And he'll do it over and over again. Making it impossible to speak to/over him. Eventually he will just be told to go to his room. Which he will point blank refuse to do. He stands his ground shouting No! until one of us has to carry him up to his room. Then he'll sit there screaming for ten minutes, come out, say sorry, be allowed back down and then within the hour he's moaning, fighting, being cheeky, being angry again.
He roars or growls at us/his sister if he's in a temper or is told he can't have/do something straight away. He's become an angry and disobedient little boy. Even things that have aleas been the same for years, like bedtime routines, what time the tv goes off, sharing with DD, that have never been problem and he's always done without complaint, have become massive battlegrounds. I am at my wits end. At school he is apparently a perfect angel with wonderful pieces of work and all teachers ad children love him. DH and I are becoming more strained with each other as we have different ways of coping with it. I can't and haven't enjoyed the summer holidays because he has been so foul throughout. I just want my happy little boy back. I love him so much.

Sorry for typos. Using my phone. Am really down about all this.
I wanted to add, that he has started to watch more 'grown up' tv lately, such ad icarly, the suite life, horrid Henry, the simpsons, and he also loves his wrestling figures ad occasionally watches that. Have we ruined him by letting him see tv that's too old for him? He gets bored by cbeebies, nick jr, Disney etc.

Please help me

I wouldn't let a six year old watch the Simpsons or I carly.
Simpsons is way above his head and adult themed...icarly is just shit tv. It was banned in my house when dd was 13 as it was such crap.

Does he watch a lot of tv?
Does he get enough exercise?

I think those shows show a lot of pre teen/ teen humpur and backchat... funny but not the way you want him to talk.. could you lose the extra channels and only allow films... lots of inspirational films around, Harry Potter, The Lion the Witch.. Ice Age..etc

haha ..humour rather than humper

So he understands that there will be another child in the house soon?
I'd imagine he feels a bit threatened by that.

I have a 6 yr old that is such hard work but also such a joy. I've been trying to talk to him more recently about his behaviour - towards his little brother, other people, how he bosses his friends sometimes and his attitude to us.
I am finding it hard to get him to chat like he used to, but after a story last night we chatted for half an hour which was great.

So, no help there. But, I understand and mine is great at school apparently too.

As MrsR says exercise really helps.
Can you get him to do challenges? Timed races, tasks around the house, obstacle courses etc. Anything that might help you and get him to burn off energy?
Back later.

Aw, bless you. I can't help you much but I wanted to tell you that you sound like a very lovely mum
My dd is 6,too. She sounds very like your ds in that she is ahead at school and has good vocab etc She has recently started pushing the boundaries after a change of country/schools...she isn't acting up as badly as your ds,but there has been a definite change in behaviour. Anger, backchat,diobedience. I give her time outs or just say "right, you can go and read in your room until you settle down, please" I don't see what more I can do.
Today, it was all starting to go pear shaped, so I set up an obstacle course in the garden, and then I set her a challenge to "find out" about the Paralympics.
So she googled etc and is looking forward to "sharing" in school tomorrow.
I have tried to recognise when a "situation" might be stirring, and then divert.
That's the only thing I can think of that may help.
I suppose you have tried talking to him an asking if there is anything upsetting/worrying him? The new baby is the obvious thing isn't it?

You sound a very loving family, I'm sure it will pass x

agree with the Simpsoms, horrid henry all those horrid programs which teach kids to be brats IMO...
He is obviously thinking he is number 1 at the moment, oldest kid, maybe he is feeling a bit insecure or unsettled about another baby coming along and pushing you to the limits with his behaviour...or maybe somebody else he is seeings being aggressive and cheeky either to him or in front of him? most kids behaviour is learned behaviour and alot of these progream hanna montanna, I carly, etc etc abnoxious brats who our children get mesmerised with and think its reality

Oh yes, I wouldn't allow The Simpsons either. Don't know what icarly is. Agree that they can often mimic these type of shows without realising it makes them sound like hideous brats! I have banned dd from watching bloody Barbie films,she started copying the way the "nasty girls" spoke, and doing all the head weaving finger shaking malarkey...no thank you!!!
She has asked if she could read Harry Potter, but I said no, she read one page of a Gervaise Phinn book which mentioned a graveyard and a vampire,then cried for an hour, asked me to remove it from bookshelf,then house...then had nightmares! So I think HP might have to wait a while!!

I agree about the TV backchat - my almost 6 year old does this. Unfortunately as she has an 8 year old brother she does get to watch some programmes that aren't really suitable for her. She picks up the phrasing without understanding the context.

The backchat is also more likely to appear when she is feeling a little insecure (e.g. more attention is being paid to her brother/the dog, she is about to do something that makes her feel anxious).

I would be trying extra attention, drastic cutting back of TV (although I know this is hard when you are pregnant and need a break) calmness in the face of his anger and less talking on your part. If you have to shout to talk to him, he is past the point of listening to you anyway. You need to calmly guide him to a spot to calm down, and don't engage with him until he has. (I know - easier said than done - personally I like to pretend I am Yoda when I am doing this )

Thanks so much everyone. Such quick replies

Have just told him that there will be no Simpsons for a very long time. Until he is about 9. It went over not too bad, but not sure how much of a fuss there will be later!

As for exercise, he does get a lot, I think. Plays in the back garden a lot, goes to swimming lessons and Beavers. I don't drive, so when it's just me and the DC's we walk everywhere (Well, trying to get DD out of the buggy ATM, but that's another thread!). I have asked him a few times if there is anything upsetting him, or if any has hurt him. He says no, and I believe him. I just think it's a sudden behavior shift but I've no idea how to deal with it.

He loves the Ice Age and Narnia films, also Harry Potter, although I'm not sure now if HP is a bit old for him too.

Tried and still trying hard to involve him and DD in preps for new baby. I know it must be hard for him. Both DC's have had their bedrooms redecorated and refurnished a part of getting ready for the baby. Didn't want to get a baby room ready and leave them out.

He's being really lovely now, but I'm in edge because he can turn so fast.

Might walk them down to the park in a bit to tire them out!

Good luck

Hate the Simpsons personally for younger children although it is very funny... leave it for the teenage years

Good luck.. nice thought to redo all their rooms

I actively tried very hard to avoid these type of series with my DS....tracy beaker is one of the worst because they are real kids...horrid henry is awful...bullying brother and constantly deliberately doing awful things....they should be banned imo...but instead they are very popular and kids watch them and read them all the time
I think it works against any parent trying to teach right from wrong....nightmare!!!

Yes I think it's about firm boundaries and calm short wording...and not saying NO but more about...'I do not expect you to behave like this'....'this is not the right thing to be doing'....' I am disappointed that you have done this'...'I will not speak to you when you are shouting, etc....'when you are calmer we can talk'.....'I understand you are upset right now, you need to sit down somewhere quiet until you feel better, then we can talk'....'do you need a cuddle to help you with this?' ....and his bedroom should not be a punishment area...his bedroom is his safe, sanctuary and meant to be a good place to be for him....time out can be anywhere and actually it has more impact when they have to sit out but can still see what they are missing....maybe the couch or put a small chair somewhere?
Maybe you could pick a teddy out and when he gets this teddy it will be a signal that he is upset, angry, needing a cuddle, feeling distressed, etc....it will help you know when he is feeling OTT about something, or not coping or whatever. Often they can't express what it is in words so picking up the teddy or something can be a direct signal something is wrong....it's a good tool with any child and lets you know immediately when something is wrong with them...helps them to recognise when they are feeling this way too...and a tool which they know will help them before things go totally pear shaped for them