Please help, cant get my 4 year old DS to sleep in his own bed

[lynds75]

Can anyone offer any advice apart from the stuff in all the parenting books. My 4 year old DS will not sleep in his own bed, he's an only child and i'm a lone parent. I've let it get out of hand really and now i'm paying the price. I've tried bribing him, taking toys away, the putting down technique, star charts, and now i've resorted to locking him in his room. Nothing is working. He falls asleep in his own bed but then he gets up and comes in mine. I've let it ride coz i'm on my own and need my sleep but i've started now and can't really give in again but i'm at a loss to know what to do. He just gets up after being asleep for a while and starts banging on the door and shouting. I've ignored it for the first 2 days, but it's gone on for hours and it started tonight at just 9pm. I don't know how long i can do this and feel awful for locking him in his room. Please can anyone help. I'll try anything!!!

Awwww..
Would it be any good to compromise & let him sleep in your room but not in your bed, like if be slept on a duvet on the floor, maybe?

COuld you first of all put his bed in your room and say that he can sleep in your room but he must stay in his bed? It is a very British thing to get children into their own rooms when they are little. Lots of other cultures keep children with them for much longer.

I'd really like to get him out of my room completely, he starts school in september so getting enough sleep is gonna be really important. None of the other 4 year old children i know sleep with their parents. The other thing i should have mentioned is that i've started seeing someone and although I'm not gonna move things too fast would like to get him in his own room before i introduce him to the idea of someone else staying over, and i don't want him to feel this guy is the reason he can't sleep in my room.

Does that make me a really bad parent?

Could you put him in his bed, in his room and you sleep on the floor (on a mattress or cushions) for a few nights?

Please don't lock him in his room anymore. I realise you're desperate but you'll only end up making it feel like a bad place/place of punishment and he's never going to want to be there on his own.

Agree that if you need privacy the best thing is for you to sleep in his room with him for a little bit until he feels better about it. Do you have a fold up bed or something similar that you could put in his room for you to get a decent nights sleep on?

Fwiw plenty of 4yos about to start school are in with their parents. It's just that usually people dont admit to it. My 4yos bed is in with me and I have a friend who has her 4yo in as well. You need not let it bother you from that perspective.

It does not make you a bad parent to want him to sleep in his own room - after all plenty of children are very happy to do this and you are important as well. I would try the strategy of going in with him to prevent him coming in with you. That way you still comfort him but maintain your bedroom as your own.