Nightmare children or crap mum but I need help please!

[SomebodySaveMe]

DS (3.6) and DD (2.2) are turning into the children from hell. They are rude, uncooperative and refuse to listen. I cant even get them to sit at the table long enough to eat dinner. DD potty trained last week and since then is being a bratty and naughty child. Tonight she has broken one of the slats in her bed despite me saying not to jump on beds about a million times.

DS is potty trained for wees yet poos his pants every day at least once and nothing I've tried will get him to go on the loo. He throws toys around, doesn't listen to me or DP and shouts at us constantly.

I'm at my wits end. Me and DP are shouting which is horrible, taking toys away, cancelling treats, time outs etc but nothing is working. I have no idea what to do about this.
They have praise, reward charts, they're told that they're loved but right now I'm beginning to dislike them and I hate myself for thinking that.

Oh, I really sympathise. My eldest dds have a similar age gap and I def found it v hardgoing when they were so young.

If it gives you any hope, they are now playing quietly with lego in pjs whilst I have a quick look on here before their stories (they are 5.5 and 4 now).

No great advice for the potty training - dd1 was 3.5 when she trained and I left her in nappies til then as she just wasn't having any of it. Maybe try the potty training board?

As for the day to day misbehaviour, I found routine (out in the morning, home for lunch, nap/tv then garden/craft before tea and bed) v helpful. Whatever reward or sanction system you have, be consistent and give it a couple of weeks to see if there is any improvement.

Also, separating sometimes at weekends to give each child 1:1 with a parent helped.

Hang in there, it will get better!

Thank you!

I'm putting some of it down to nursery being off during the holidays but I definitely need to work on my disciplining skills.
It seems that just as we work on one behavioural issue then another one springs up.

I would say choose your battles - decide on one thing that is important and work on that. In your situation, it would be the potty training of your ds so I would ask on the potty training boards about that. I would probably also buy Gina Ford's potty training book - I am anti-all her routines but found her books do give you a good insight into some aspects of child management.

If your ds is pooing his pants every day, is that in a nappy or in his actual pants? My friend's son used to ask for a nappy to poo in - I thought it was revolting at the time but she just went with the flow.

Your kids are very young to have good table manners! I would just accept mealtimes are a bit tricky and make them a bit more fun. When dd1 was 3, we went through a stage of letting her eat in different places - standing on a chair so she could eat at the workstation, having picnics in the garden etc. I would make eating a bit more casual to take the stress out of it.

I have found these parenting books really helpful - the first one is based on the idea that if you can predict when your children will misbehave then you can prevent it, the second one is about having a bit more fun with your kids:

www.amazon.com/Negotiation-Generation-Parental-Authority-Punishment/dp/product-description/0425217019

www.amazon.co.uk/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/dp/0345442865/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345191428&sr=8-1-spell

I sympathise! I find depending in the type of behaviour different things work, so, whinginess and tantrums I largely ignore because they quickly learn they don't get attention, or if we are in public i sort of imitate them in a funny way to make them laugh and forget why they are angry. If not doing what they are told, I try and make it fun or shamelessly use bribes ( a reward system, to put it in a good- parenting way ) and if they are playing rough or not sharing etc I use distraction. Very hard though and sometimes you are just sick of the coaxing. Bloody toddlers...