DS persecuting family dog - can't leave the pet alone...

[mirandapup]

At wits end with 6 yr old DS's new habit of tugging/pinching/poking/slapping mature family dog... Zero tolerance & sanctions can't seem to shift this behaviour...

AIBU on this? Any POVs?

Any suggestions for DS behavioural remedies?

TIA

mirandapup

what are the sanctions?

Are you doing lots of positive role modelling? What is his empathy like as a rule?

Sorry no solutions just questions!!!

sanctions are taking away stuff - deserts & bedtime stories for the most part ... pet is repeatedly valued and needs always considered...

DS empathy maybe needs work - suggestions?

persecution now getting a little 'secret' - while we are not looking...

thanx!

Tugging/pinching/poking/slapping an animal is cruelty and must be stopped. It is not acceptable on any level. Sorry OP, but your sanctions do not sound tough enough to me. He is 6 and should know better than to hurt a helpless animal. I would come down extremely hard on this behaviour, send him straight to his room in addition to confiscating toys/treats, and perhaps make him write down a list of reasons why his actions are not ok, to drum the point home. Ask him how he would feel if someone was constantly hurting/ tormenting him. Also, what happens if the dog suddenly snaps and bites back? The poor animal would probably have to be put down, plus you DS may get seriously hurt.

I'd be a little worried TBH. Best thing is to keep them separated best you can.

I would take zero tolerance. Dog is member of the family. Poking dog is the same as poking mum. Won't be tolerated.

Good luck

i'd pinch the little bugger back tbh. ...i'd lay money you won't have to do it twice.

I know all the reasons against doing it, so flame me. Child is MORE than old enough to know his behaviour is unacceptable.

Don't "keep them separated" because he isn't learning that this behaviour is wrong.

What will happen is that he will do the same thing to a younger, more aggressive dog that will bite him back (and he will FULLY deserve it)

Sadly though, there will be uproar about the dog biting a "helpless" child and the dog will have to be put down.

You need to either teach him it's not right and you have to do it harshly and for his own good. Or you run the risk of him learning by being mauled.

And parents who can't bring their kids up to not hurt animals are the reasons why so many dogs have such awful names for being "attack" dogs when they aren't.

i WOULD keep them separated actually. He knows full well it's wrong, and i'd put money on him not doing it to another dog because he knows he shouldn't... he does it to this one because he knows he can.

so i would keep the dog safe until you feel you can trust him around it again. maybe start with short periods with them both in the room while you're there etc.

I'd also be tempted to do things like making him come inside if he's playing out, so that the dog can go outside for a bit. Make a big deal of how he wouldn't have to come in if he could be trusted with the dog etc.

do you think anything else is going on? just wondering if it's "merely" childish experimentation or whether he's acting something out? bullying at school or something?

Actually yes I agree with that

Separate them to protect your dog from your son.

Thanks for your ideas and support! We'll keep up the strong line and hope it works.... He loves cats! But as pointed out - maybe other animals fine...

You're right to be worried - all animals have a tolerance threshold and dogs in particular can be very dangerous if pushed too far, even if they have previously been of exemplary character. And old dogs have an even lower threshold.

No experience of 6 year old boys i'm afraid - DS is just 21 months. All i can say is that i'd come down pretty bloody hard on him if he was doing this at 6. I'm tough on him now when he gets a little over exuberant with our cats, who he loves but has a tendency to smother with cuddles. We do the whole modelling thing and repeatedly say "gentle, gentle" in increasing tones until he goes too far, then we remove either him or the cat. But like i said, he's 21 months so not a lot else to do at that age.

I had this with dd1. I didn't separate them. She liked the dog really, and it eventually sank in after I told her over and over he would bite her back one day but would only ever bite her once because then he would be gone - and it would be her fault.

Think thisisyesterday could be onto something there suggesting acting out bullying at school. Does he understand he's persecuting the poor animal?
It's the doing it in secret bit which I would find very worrying. Has he displayed in the past a cruel nature (has he been mean to other/ younger kids at the playground / school)?