Talk to me about the 'naughty step'

[mylovelyladylumps]

Ds 3.3, have started using the naughty step for the past few days, seems to be going well he calms down when I put him on there but aside from that he says sorry but I'm not always sure he knows hat he's saying sorry for just that saying sorry is the right thing IYKWIM , should I talk to him about why he's been put on the step once he's calmed down?
Also should I still put him there if I know he's just acting out because he's tired?
Any tips or advice would be apreciated
Ps before you flame me I know 'naughty' step is not the correct term to use nowadays, what do you call it to your DCs?

ours is time out or the step. my dcs have 1 min for each yr of their age. at the end i ask them to explain why they are there and if they think what they did was ok. if they dont know i explain, if they think its ok i explain why its not and leave them a bit longer to 'think about it'. when they accept they were wrong i ask what should we do about it to which i usually get 'say sorry and a suitable solution e.g. give dd a cuddle, pick up the thrown toy, do what they originally refused etc. sometimes i send both dcs to the step together (unless they need time apart. they then have to make up and agree before coming to me.

by the way our step still works at 7yrs :)

Hi there
I tend to do whole supernany process. Reminding at the end why mummy put him/her on the step & as my girls older I asked them why they were put on step & got them to break it down. Expect rocky road at first but I found if I was consistent and didn't use it for mild infringements my girls took to it quite well.
Hope this helps.
Goodluck.

STEP NOW is probably what it's most frequently called. We do endeavour to call it the time out step but the kids call it the naughty step in hushed tones.

I try to follow the guidelines of using a timer one minute for each year, getting down to their level to explain why they are their and then if they aren't ready to make an apology after allotted time they get an extra minute each time they resist. If they are outright rude the timer starts again.

I do thE cuddle and sorry to each person who was around and usually the other DCs who were not the main culprits need to make a reciprocal sorry of some sort. Then it's over, til the next time. The threat of time out now they're older is usually effective enough for them to tone down their behaviour.

Thanks for the tips Im Hoping that I won't have to put him on there very often and just the threat of it will be enough, glad to hear it still works at 7 though!
Over the last few days he's been on there numerous times today he has apologised pretty quickly and is eager to get of there
Would you advise leaving him on for 3 minutes (he's 3yo) or shortening the time if he apologises before the 3mins?

Agree with others, I think after calming down the most important thing is thinking about what they've done and about how not to have the same thing go wrong next time (hard for DD (5) who yells at every tiny infringement of her human rights!!). Let him try to explain why he thinks he had to go there first, rather than wading in yourself with an explanation he may not be internalising.

We make the time at the adult's discretion but it is officially 1min per year of age, however they don't know what a minute actually is and particularly if it has been hard for them to sit there I would often let them off after a short period of quiet & calm. Apologising without understanding or thinking about what happened isn't enough to get you off, that's just playing the system (of course wouldn't use the step for a genuine mistake followed by a genuine apology and no silliness). What is important for us is to be quiet & still while on the step, rather than rolling on the floor, shouting, playing etc.

thanks for all your advice i shall go forth and look forward to the day that the step is not needed and door slamming will take over instead

Why do you need to put him on it at all? There are lots of "positive" alternatives. Discussing what he's doing and finding the reason for it can be much more beneficial in the long run. If nothing else, consider using a "thoughtful space" instead of a "naughty" one. Children simply are not malicious enough to be naughty - there is always a motivation to their behavior, even if we don't understand it.

the main problem is his spitting, ive explained that its not nice and he will spread germs, ive shouted, ive taken toys away, ive rewarded his good behavior but still it continues so the step is my last resort at the moment

We use it for hitting, biting, kicking and after repeated warnings of not to do something. DS doesn't reallyz spit, I tell him it's yucky. He's a bit younger than yours though (2.9). When he goes in the corner, I tell him why. When I go to get him I tell him why he was there. Usually he gives me a hug as soon as I go back to him. He doesn't speak yet, so an apology isn't possible yet. If he doesn't at least act sorry I.e. tries to hit me again, he stays there. Since I started using it, his behaviour has improved dramatically and I rally have to use it. I don't threaten him with it except for the last warning. Biting etc is immediate.
It was hard going the first few times, but now he understands that he's done something he shouldn't have if he's there.

We use a time out step and have since DS3 was about 2. It took him a few times to 'get it' but it still works now at 5.5yo. We ask him to stop the behaviour, warn him that if he doesn't stop he will go to time out, then put him in time out very calmly. When his five minutes is up we say "I put you in time out for xyz I would like an apology please." Usually now a warning is enough but occasionally he ends up in timeout. Any kind of unacceptable physical behaviour gets an immediate timeout without a warning but that is very very rare. He hates being ignored so it's a perfect deterrent for him. I generally use positive reinforcement and timeouts have gone from several a day at times when he was 2 to it being a once or twice a month at most now.

We only use it for extreme infractions and it has worked really well. By that I mean if we had to use it it usually meant dd was past the point of reason anyway and needed to calm down and that she was so shocked at being ignored for three minutes she got ready to be welcomed back with a hug.we have only had to use it once in the last two months. The little things can always be smoothed out by discussion or positive reinforcement but the line in the sand has to be there too IMO.