2.5 Jekyll and Hyde/ Houdini!

[festivalwidow]

I really think I've reached my limit with my 2.5 year old.. she can be a really wonderful little girl, but it seems that as soon as we get through the front door she starts up. This generally involves doing exactly the opposite of what I ask, then running away. It all seems to escalate into a chase battle and me having to drag her to whatever it is I want or need her to do (usually going to bed or leaving the house).
An example:
Me: It's time for your bath now. Please come to the bathroom and brush your teeth.
DD: No, I want to watch TV.
Me: It's too late for that, it's time for your bath. Come with me to the bathroom and we'll brush your teeth.
DD: No! (runs off)
Me: I've asked you twice and I don't want to have to ask you again. I'm going to count to 3 and I need you to be in the bathroom before I get to 3.
DD: NO! No counting! (runs faster)
Me: Well, you need to come into the bathroom now.
(chase DD until caught, pick up and wordlessly deposit in bathroom, DD runs off again, repeat)
Once I eventually get her into the bathroom she'll lie down on the floor face-down so I can't pick her up; I try to brush her teeth and she'll wrestle the toothbrush out of my hands; I give a two-minute time-out and then the whole process repeats itself.
I'm trying the 'jar of pasta' approach but she's not quite got the concept yet; I've tried the 'if you don't do this by the time I get to 3 I will not read you a bedtime story' approach; I've tried moving bathtime to much earlier in case she's overtired, but nothing seems to be helping. DH isn't around much and hasn't been hugely helpful ('well, if she doesn't like it, then just don't bother' - all very well except when you have to leave the house). HV said I should make her do what I want to, even if it means pinning her down, and 'she'll soon learn, but you will go through a lot of screaming and hitting for a few months first' - which sounds a bit much.

Like I say, she can be a real delight but she seems to have cornered the market in selective hearing. I lost it the other day and said "You're a nice girl, not a spoiled little brat, so please act like the nice person I know you are," which resulted in her gleefully saying "I'm a spoiled little brat! I'm a spoiled little brat!" all evening.

Is there any hope? She's also turned into a really fussy eater but I'm past caring about that - I'd just like to sort some of the defiance out first.

Sorry this is so long but I'm at my wit's end!

I would agree with your HV and pin her down for the things that you decide cannot be left, eg tooth brushing. I have to do that too, but I just don't bother with the hair brushing anymore. Try choices. Do you want to do it or shall I? If you always give choices that you are happy with, they feel like they have more control. Also, more warning before something happens, I always give a 2 minute warning before dinner time, bed time, time to leave the park etc. doesn't always work but definitely helps.

I am recognising my little girl in some of what you describe, she is 2.4 and has become very defiant and also hits/bites scratches me. I am ashamed to say I have lost it a few times and slapped her on the hand when she has bitten or grabbed - but it hasn't made any difference. I keep trying distraction, making the thing we have to do fun, like searching for shoes, putting toys in the buggy ready to go out, and giving her lots of choices - like fairyPenguin says, its a case of pick and choose the battles I think - tooth brushing everyday if possible, but if she is too tired then we don't bother with a bath, I let her choose clothes, books etc, as then she feels she has autonomy - even if the choices are both things I want, she isn't to know! I think they just want to be independent at this age, and it is hard for them and us as they aren't little babies anymore - DD drives me up the wall wanting to do her own carseat buckle etc - she cant do it, it takes ages and I always have to do it again, but we wrestled about 10 times, I eventually won as I have to do it for her safety - however, I am happy for her to spend hours buttoning up her cardigan, as it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things, as long as we get to where we need to be! I explain things a lot - like - 'I know you want to do it, but mummy needs to do it for you this time because etc...' I find it helps - or helps me at least!

With you on eating though, DD has become so picky, she used to eat everything. I have given up!

Good luck - if you crack it, let me know!

I agree with choosing your battles but would also recommend reducing the amount of words you use when issuing an instruction.

I would say Teeth now please, or Tv off. I know it sounds sergeant major ish but I find it works. Dont enter into discussions/arguments with her. Just issue the instruction and then back it up with No teeth, no story.

There is a time for chatting and having discussions but when you have asked her to do something is not that time.

It is really hard work raising a fiesty child but very rewarding. Stick at it you will get there and then begin to enjoy her again