Anyone else the owner of a wrecking ball dressed (very convincingly) as a toddler??

[QueenOfFlamingOlympicTorches]

I think I might be going a little insane.

DS was 2 on Friday.

So far today - all the books cleared from the bottom three shelves. Three times. Then DS walked on them, resulting in several ripping. Then I got a fucking papercut on my knuckle putting them back and bled like stuck pig.

DS found stuck halfway up bookshelf, and then found standing crying 'help stuck' on top of the radiator FFS. Dog has been fed a whole box of cat biscuits while I was hanging the washing out. DS teething so keeps biting people. And headbutting people. And a nifty new trick where he runs up behind you, bashes his head into the back of your knees, and wraps his entire body round your lower legs. Both remotes shoved inside video player (which was already broken but retrieving remotes was a PITA. Must gaffer tape slot shut). All the toy cars wrapped up individually in bits of yesterday's Guardian, which due to DP being away working I hadn't even had a chance to bloody READ yet . Not yet dry nappies helpfully removed from clothes horse and put in basket - not the washing basket, oh no, but the basket for the kindling, the one that's all full of bits of twig and bark and shit [rictus grin]. Dog bowl, cat bowl, several small toy cars, bits of duplo, and books thrown into nettley jungle underneath verandah.

Take him in kitchen while I cook so I can keep an eye on him, settle him on floor with bowl of water and assorted jugs/ladles etc. Faff about in oven for, ooh, 45 seconds tops? DS sitting on kitchen table drinking my cold coffee with utterly minging spoon he must have found on floor.

I try and distract him, I really do, and walk him twice a day like a blooming dog, and get him outside as much as possible but he just gravitates to the Most Dangerous Thing he can find everywhere we go. I took him to soft sodding play and what did he do but get stuck in the tiny gap between one of the netted areas and the wall, trying to get a better look at the big fan for the heating system And I try and keep stuff out of his way but he climbs, I mean he actually climbs up doors and corners and shit.

What do you do with toddlers like this? And why oh why did I assume my very easy going first toddler was that way due to my amazing chilled out parenting? I was a misguided knob. Sorry.

Sorry but that did make me laugh I have a 2yo DD who would do all those things if she had a chance. I watch her all the time. I have to. No she is not my first! She is a little horror, but this stage passes I promise. I cannot even leave her alone in her bedroom otherwise she would be on top of the wardrobe in seconds. Thankfully she usually falls asleep fairly quickly.

My dd is like this, she isn't 2 yet. She's been to a+e 3 times already. She is a nightmare. I have given up going to friends houses because I can't sit still for a second and all I do is tell her off constantly and she gets upset.

It does sound like some of your problems today could have been solved by keeping things out of reach though? The nappies, the kindling bucket, the books? Dd has free run of the living room but everywhere else she is only iwth one of us because otherwise she is climbing on windowsills and mantelpieces, drawing on walls, rifling through cupboards....

I get nothing done unless I am doing it with her. I also have a broken leg and am heavily pregnant.

Obviously a very clever, curious child

We don't have a big enough house for everything to be kept out of his reach - we have a living room, a kitchen, and two tiny bedrooms (both of which have slopey attic walls/ceilings). That's it. There literally is nowhere else for anything to go, there just isn't.

I feel for you-similar impractical house problem, plus a 20mo ds2 who I can't take my eyes off for one second! He is lovely, but a runner and a climber...

Today he escaped from my clutches twice during nappy changing/sitting on the potty, legged it then, to put it indelicately, both times took a dump standing on the tv unit.

Not impressed.

ds is like this. He kept messing with my loo roll stock pile. I made the mistake of telling him only poo, pee and toilet roll go in the toilet after we'd lost several toothbrushes, so he's obsessed with putting toilet roll in there, no interest in potty training though!

So I got a massive storage bag (h&m online have some nice ones) and hung them on a hook out his reach. Could work for you?

Tonight he threw handfuls of uncooked ready brek all over himself and the floor while I had my back turned, so has obviously worked out the storage clips now.