Nearly 4 year old with wet pants every day...................

[Northerner]

Not totally weeing himself, but holding onto wee so that he always has circle of wee in his pants, sometimes it is a lot.

I know it's because he's too 'busy' to go and if he's with me I have to force him to go when I can tell he's desperate. If he's with anyone else or at pre school he's holding on so long his pants are very wet.

I've just told him to go now and he said 'If I sit down the wee won't come'

What can I do cause it's driving me nuts and I can't help but get cross with him cause I know he knows better.

star chart? telling him he'll have to wear nappies to school?

TRied star chart and tried sweets etc as a reward for dry pants. Not worked.

sorry cant help but just sympathise. My DS still does this and he is 9 . I have tried EVERYTHING. I have just given up and just keep muttering 'he wont be doing it when he is 15, he wont be doing it when hes 15!"

have you been to the GP to rule anything physical out?

Hi Northerner, like poppies I can't really offer any help, only loads of sympathy.

My ds(5.5) has been exactly the same for the last 8 months and unfortunately nothing I've tried has helped ( star charts, telling off, ignoring etc). In the beginning I got him checked for a urinary infection, which, as starlover suggests is probably a good starting point.

I read somewhere ( I think on the ERIC website) that when a child constantly ignores the need to go for a wee their body can stop sending the signals and their bladder starts to 'overflow', hence the wet pants without a 'full accident'.

Anyway, I have just about reached the end of my tether with the never ending laundry, bathing, family pressure and worry about him being teased and have decided that I need some professional help or advice.

I'm sorry, if I have hijacked this for a bit of a selfish moan! I wish you the best of luck and hope that some of the strategies suggested by others work for your DS.

Have you tried standing up peeing? My ds would not pee at all sitting down but when daddy did some demonsrations (!!!) he was into it all of sudden and it made a huge difference.
We still have problems with the solids at 4.2 - I did't think that it was a 'boy' thing but am convinced now as dd1 was dry at 2.6 and dd2 is already dry by day at 2.3 - but he was 3 and a half easily before dry.
Try putting toilet paper int he loo and encourage him to aim for it, or we also used a ping pong ball!!
HTH

Northerner, me too....although I think in ds1's its not just a case of holding on too long, in fact he finds it hard to hold on for any length of time at all, and seems to be going pretty much every hour...
Sorry not much help just to let you know you are not alone. ds1 is 4.3 and used to be much much better than this.
QueenofFaff, let us know if you find any good help or advice! I am also thinking I need some outside support for this - just ordered a load of literature from ERIC - and will go and see if we have a local service for this.

Hi northerner my lad will be 4 in june and he was doing the same, scared of missing something, like you i was getting cross had tryed star charts, nothing worked one day i had it so i put a nappy on him he HATED IT but it worked. Hope you find something that works for you, just try the nappy you never know. GOOD LUCK

Sounds just like my ds aged 4.4.
hE NOW SAYS TO ME I'LL JUST KEEP THEM ON!!!!

Not got anwsers i'm afraid but i totally understand the frustartion thing. I can see him dancing about OBVIOUSLY needing to pee but yet when i say Go to the toilet, he says I don't need!!!!

Ds is also "too busy" to go and terrified he will miss something by going but he does know better.

Have threatened the nappy/pull ups thing but maybe should just go through with it too!!! Sometimes mums have to be baddies

Thats what i did, he was comeing out of nursary with wet pants on and not bothered in the least, but when i put the nappy on he sobed but i wouldn't take it off now all i have to say is "wet your pants and your be in a nappy again" just seems to click, or maybe i'm just not a very nice mummy.

OK, might try the nappy thing then.

Hadn't thought about going to GP. Don't think there is a medical problem, imo he is too engrossed in the here and now to go to the toilet.

He starts school in September, really hope he's not doing it by then.

Thanks for your comments guys.

Hi Northerner. This is quite a common one. The usual approach with this sort of thing is a variation on the reward ideas people have mentioned here.

Tell him he will be rewarded with a Smartie (or equivalent) every time he asks to go to the loo. Make it clear that he has to say "I want to go to the loo mummy" and give him the sweet whether or not he actually produces anything in the toilet when he tries (the reward must be for ASKING to go). Put the sweets in the bathroom in a clean jar, so he can see them. If you've got other kids, get them to ask in front of him and let him see them get their sweet for asking and watch them go to the toilet.

At first, he probably won't pee much (if at all). But he should start to go after a couple of days.

Good luck!

Thanks Fluppy - I really like that idea. Will try that as of today.

That could work actually - he will do anything for a sweetie!

From experience this happens when they're poorly or coming down with something....bed wetting too.