2 yr old's screaming

[minx2]

I feel a bit odd writing this as I feel it is something we should be able to work this out, but then it is a situation that you are so close to that you can?t see the wood for the trees.
We have two boys, 5 and the youngest has just turned 2. The youngest seems to have a real anger/ temper problem. This is just part of his temperament as he has had quite a temper since he was a tiny baby. He screams a lot at a pitch that is just deafening ( I know we are his parents and meant to hear the cry more, but even others wince at the pitch). His brother is pretty placid and the younger one bites, kicks, hits out at him, so we are constantly splitting them. His childminder reports that he has bitten there too , (he goes 1 day a week so he can be around other toddlers & attends plenty of playgroups & parks). We have tried a variety of discipline methods (and consistently) but nothing seems to be working ?yet. He just seems to be more unhappy/ moany than happy but when he is laughing and happy, he is such fun.
I really feel like my partner and I?s relationship is suffering as we are constantly battling with him or trying to stop the deafening screeches. We don?t have family that live nearby, friends have not warmed to the youngest so forging relationships with others isn?t really happening either. When we invite people around, it is just quite stressy as he is highly likely to be screaming. He is very attached to me so much so that I can?t leave a room at times. I know it will become easier, especially when he can vocalise his thoughts, but until then has anybody been in a similar situation with their child?

Hi minx2, I am afraid i don't have a full answer, but i do have a toddler (18months) who loves (?) to scream. A lot. And is frustrated. A lot. He, too, has been like this like a tiny baby, although he does have phases of being a happy chappy.... until the next thing he can get frustrated with comes along. I read (a little) about empathetic parenting (I am not too keen on the name as it indicates that people who do things differently are not empathetic, which I don't think is fair / true). Anyway, the bit I am taking out of it is to help him to express his feelings, give names to them (although he does not talk yet) and replay his feelings to him, so that he learns to handle it better when the big emotions (about frustration etc) come along.... So far, I am having good results in situations where he fell/hurt himself but is more crying because of the surprise / indignity - I basically tell him that I saw what happened and that it looked like a big shock/annoying thing etc...he calms down quite quickly when i do that as opposed to when people tell him "never mind" or try to distract him. Here is a link (I have not read all of the site - www.pal.ua.edu/discipline/empathy.php) Am still battlling on the other fronts - hope things improve for you soon!
mx

I'm afraid I can't really offer much advice about your LO but wondered if perhaps you have tried some sign language to aid his communication?

If his lack of communication could be at the heart of his frustration, signing could help him make some decisions or help him understand what is happening around him. For instance, if he knows the sign for drink he could ask for what he wants rather than your trial and error to solve his screaming. I use signs to tell LOs what we are about to do - go in the car, out in the buggy, have lunch. Quite often they understand physical rather than verbal.

I am a CM and a lot of the LOs I look after have gone through a phase where they scream a very high pitch, ear splitting screech but they grow out of it - eventually. All I do is say quietly 'no thankyou' and hope they get the message (and then shake my head, yet again, to try and get rid of the ringing).

Maybe positive reinforcement rather than discipline would help (sorry to sound all airy fairy!)