my Ds is affectionate and warm but not into hugs is yours

[Iwantgold]

I got thinking about this from another thread. the op was bothered her child didn't cling onto her when carried arund. it made me wonder whether i should be bothered.

My DS is affectionate, will kiss when asked will properly hold on when carried put up his arms to be carried and will jump all over me but won't hug. He doesn't understand what it is, I don't think. And he won't kiss me really without being asked.

Is this usual? DS is 18 months.

Normal, dd1 was like this, dd2 very huggy, very different but both normal. Dd1 now 4 and also very huggy. She is quite sensitive and all the extra touching could tip her over the edge when she was tired - too much input (does that make sense?). She's fine now. Getting a bit heavy for carrying around though!

My dd is 3 and hates being hugged or kissed she always have. She screams
" I hate kisses" if you try and kiss her. She will kiss me on her terms only

ds1 (3) wants cuddles but only on his own terms "not now mummy, at bedtime" etc. He is very expressive with his affections but it doesn't manifest in hugs or kisses. Instead, he races around showing off to whoever arrives at the house whom he likes, or constantly asks them to play with him. With dh and I, requests for closeness like reading stories, sticking or even just sitting watching tv with him and chatting seems to fulfill his need for affection. Conversely, if he doesn't like someone, he will be very vociferous in letting them know

dd2 (10 months) is already flooring me by how cuddly she is - after ds1 I just didn't expect it, not from a baby so young anyway. Dd2 is very tactile with everything so I suppose it must be a feature of her personality. It does melt my heart when she sidles up to me when I'm sitting on the sofa and puts her head on my lap with a knowing smile and strokes my leg. If I'm sitting on the floor, she sometimes launches herself at me and snuggles into my chest. She absolutely loves my next door neighbour who sometimes looks after them both, and after not seeing her for a week, she virtually jumped out of my arms in to hers and starting nestling and cooing in my next door neighbour's arms.

Bizarrely, though, ds1, by dd2's age, had a definite preference for a particular soft toy which has persisted to the point where he cannot sleep without said toy- whereas, dd2 does love playing with soft toys if they are around, but she has shown no signs of becoming attached to any of them.

I Don't have Any other concerns about my Ds - he meets all his milestones etc, engages well

I suppose I was concerned as it was said to be an ASD flag but I assume there has to be other problem as well?

I'm no expert, but I think that toddlers and children do a lot of 'odd' things, and lots may tick off one or two traits on an asd list (eg insistence on a particular routine etc). But it's only when there are a few traits taken together, and/or persisting beyond the normal stage where they are grown out of, that it is a cause for concern. That's my understanding anyway!

I found both my DS's went off cuddles at around 12 months and were more interested in exploring and get into stuff.
I found they both came back to me all cuddly again at around 2-2.5

DS1 was like this, but at 5 is very huggy now. If this is the only red flag, I wouldn't be concerned. He also didn't like stuffed toys, and only started liking/hugging them when he was around 4 yrs. Now he takes a whole gang of them to bed!

I wouldn't say mine is big on kissing without being asked - but I figured that was normal for boys of his age (20 months). He LOVES his teddy, however, and has to have it to sleep, and I often see him hugging that. Very sweet.

Not sure if this is in any way relevant to others, but my DS wasn't at all interested in cuddles. And then at 19 months or so he learnt the word 'cuddle' and suddenly wanted cuddles all the time! He's been significantly more cuddly ever since, although still less so than others I know.