How do I manage a nearly 4 yo and a nearly 1 yo?

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How???????????

DS will be 4 next month, misses out on going to school this year by a week (and he is so ready). Very high octane little boy. He goes to nursery 3 days a week. He is not great at "sitting still at home" activities apart from watching TV and I really don't want him doing a lot of that.

DD is 10 months. She was quite happy to potter along in her pushchair with whatever we are doing until recently and sleep as required/as normal. But now she wants out, and up, and has begun to realise that there is more to life than watching her DB's swimming lesson etc. She is desperate to walk too.

We did go to an "Under 5s" music group for a while, which was great, but DS was the only "over 2.5" and the class was a good three quarters babies. He got really bored and disruptive, but equally is not quite old enough to sit quietly and do some colouring while DD joins in.

I'd taken him indoor climbing once or twice, but now DD wants to crawl off, I am not happy about taking her and risking her crawling off and getting in way of other climbers while I am concentrating on DS.

Story time at the local library was a good joint activity, but that's been stopped now.

Swimming would be excellent, but I have asked several pools (we live on the boundary of three boroughs) - and no one will let me take them both alone (fair enough).

When I go back to work, I will be working 3 days a week (the days DS is at nursery), so I have two days a week to try and entertain them both. I really don't want to spend all this time (or any!) at soft play.

Help!

children's centre? if you have any nearby with just general stay and play rather than activities like music group etc, then that is good for all ages. I know some of them restrict certain sessions to certain ages which is really annoying when you have more than one (i have similar to you, a 4 yrs, 1 yr and a 2 yr old too) but ones which are open to all 0-5 should be fine although your ds is likely to be the oldest one wherever you go really because of him being only just a week outside of school age, but still should be okay?

otherwise, what about the park - if weather is okay you can let your dd crawl around on some of the equipment so both will be entertained with that

Rather than sitting still at home activities, how about moving about at home activities while DD just crawls about investigating? Dancing or trying to balance on a plank on the floor. We used to try to throw bean bags or foam balls or paper planes into a clean waste paper basket.

We have a small part time children's centre - on the days I am not at work the stay and play is for under 2s only. We have been going to a church run toddler group, but DS is also really too grown up for this too now. I am secretly wishing the time away until he goes to school, so that DD can go to stuff like that while she is still baby enough, I am finding it so frustrating finding anything that both can do and will enjoy. We are rural - nearest park is tenish miles away, village playground is horrid. We are members of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, which is great for running around and v expensive cake.

I'm surprised about the swimming thing. I took my twins swimming by myself from age 2 and many friends took their's when they were younger. I would challenge this if you have the time and energy. Although swimming not necessarily the easiest activity unless your pool is really shallow.

Can you cycle near you? Maybe get your son a balance bike and put your DD in a trailer? She might enjoy this more than the buggy.

Also at 4 your son will be old enough to do some activities e.g. gymnastics where he part of a group led by a teacher. You may still have to stay and watch at this age, but at least your full attention can be on the baby as the teacher will be responsible for your DS.

Schmee - the swimming thing is widespread - and has been for a year or so. Insurance has changed. DS has graduated from balance bike to proper bike, I am working on him to get up to longish distances so we caan do exactly what you've said, although with baby seat rather than trailer.

DS did do ballet for a bit, but went off it when he realised he was the only boy in the class.

The problem I am really having is finding ANYTHING that is on when I won't be at work, and is accessible to us rural folk. Gymnastics, Soccatots etc all about -on work days! Can't change work days as I job share.

What has happened to swimming insurance? I take my one year old and four year old swimming together regularly, rule is 2 dc per adult. Apart from that we do the park, museums, soft play, cooking, computer games (poisson rouge is great and free), books, drawing, going to sainsburys (as entertainment with minimal shopping list, just to look and talk about things we see), playing dens, dancing to music, can't think what else but the time does go. Ds was 4 last month but we are delaying school and maybe not going at all so sort of the opposite to you!

Well, I have spoken to council pools in Wakefield, Barnsley, Huddersfield, Somerset and Dorset and all have told me I can't bring 2 x under 8 with only 1 adult.

That's crazy. Does that mean I have to rope in an extra adult to go swimming even if my husband is there? I have 3 DC under 6.

Yep. 1:1 until they are 8. It might have been a bit younger, but no enough to make a difference to me. I believe it may be different if there is a seperate baby pool. My DH can't swim either....

Each pool is different but its generally 1:1 under the age of 4 & 2:1 between the ages of 4-8.

More information can be found here:

www.swimming.org/parents/child-pool-admissions-policies-faqs/

Have you got any friends with children around the same age?

If so, how about one of you taking the toddlers to an activity, whilst the other supervises the babies.

Bikerunski - is Dewsbury too far out for you? I used to take two under two and then 4 and 3 year olds together. I might not have been in the last year so not sure if it's changed. Or is private gym membership witha pool out of the question. Withing the last year I took three under 5s to a hotel gym pool with no questions asked (waterton park, which I suspect from the councils you have spoken to will be too far away).

Definitely check out parks with a wide range of age stuff. Puddle jumping if you're all suited and booted, witht the pushchair in tow for when tiredness hits.

Hepworth art gallery quite good. Good play park with some younger stuff, good cafe, big galleries so kids can walk around without too much chaos, lots of activities put on.

eureka! Nearly forgot. Spent HOURS there when I had a two year old and one year old. All child safe, they can touch everything, no need to stop four year old from bombing about too much, some nice areas for tinies.

Will be back if I think of anymore West Yorks-ish activities.

O wow - Robino thanks - Dewsbury's fine. we are about half an hour away. But I spoke to Kirklees Active Leisure and they told me what I said above, but will try Waterton Park, that's easy for us to get to too.

Now - the Hepworth. My friend with similar age kids said there is NO WAY she would take her 3 yo DS to the Hepworth, so we havn't been.

We have Eureka membership! And Magna! And YSP! Actually, maybe we do have enough to do.... I guess I have had a pretty nicely structured life of toddler groups/Surestart/Water babies etc with just one DC for a while, which I now can't sustain with two (and activities that DS is growing out of) and just need to rethink a bit.

I have an 18 month gap and that short period where the youngest is wanting to join in but not really able is definitely the hardest!! I think it got easy again when she reached about 18 months?

My rule was to tire them out in the morning which had the knock on effect of making the afternoons calm and bedtime easy. Lots of walks and trips to farms etc. We bought those colourful plastic windmills on wooden sticks for windy days. My youngest could happily hold these in her pushchair and my eldest could run about like a mad thing with them. Play dates are also brilliant, especially since you usually alternate between houses so the children get to play with different toys too.

Can't believe the swimming is now a no no, i have three aged 5 and under. We wouldn,t be able to ever swim.

I would give the Hepworth a go. If you go on a nice day then you can have a quick inspect of the galleries. Go past the play area first, then bribe - we go there after you've behaved nicely. There aren't too many galleries and it can be whizzed round if disaster is looming, perhaps not the most edifying visit for a grown up but adds an extra 30 mins onto a park trip!

Batley? Wilton park with the bagshaw museum at the top. Small museum but child friendly, usually put lots of activities on in the holidays - there's also an occasionally open not very brilliant butterfly house there. It's up a very big hill if you park at the bottom so would wear 4 year old out. Good multi age play area and duck pond too.

Ikea during term time first thing in the morning when it's quiet. 4 year old could go to the crèche for a while, you could give 1 year old a bit of a walk, then cafe afterwards.

I'll stop now because it's really making me miss home! And you're probably sick of hearing my "now what the hell do we do?" activities.