Tantrums! How do I calm a blind rage...

[Titchyboomboom]

DD is 20 months old and throws the most phenomenal tantrums which seem to come from nowhere... mostly tiredness / frustration I think, not generally over being reprimanded etc

I have no idea how to handle them as they are at home, in public, round relatives. She goes into a blind rage and kicks, hits herself in the head, scratches and pinches me if I go near her... and as you can imagine I get lots of helpful advice and disapproving looks from onlookers / relatives / DH occassionally when I let her get on with it at e.g. mother in laws or on Saturday at Newmarket races :-/

Help! Any tips greatly appreciated

I feel your pain

When ds1 did this, I bent down, held him firmly at the shoulders, and said 'I love you ds but I am not listening to this. When you have calmed down come for a cuddle'

Followed by me walking away, out the room if possible. And if he followed I would go into another room, it's just doesn't have the same effect if you're pegging out washing instead of paying attention to them,

They quickly learn there's nothing to gain from it.

Once ds had calmed we had a cuddle and at that age i just asked if he wanted a drink or to do a jigsaw together or something. Just to distract him from what happened and move on.

Out and about I would mostly ignore, but when it was horrific (3 years old is the worst), quite a few occasions I just left my shipping trolley etc and went back tithe car. Not worth the hassle.

Toddler taming by dr green is a great book for advice and tips.

Thanks both, and thanks for the book recommendation. I also abandoned a shopping trolley the other day too!

New mantra... ignore, ignore, ignore... :)

So hard when at in laws, especially as DH doesn't back me up and picks her up. We were out the other day and I had been left with mother and sister in law and DD went into one as I would not let her run off, so I ignored as best I could, then DH comes up and says 'What's up?' I said that she was having a tantrum and he said 'Do you want to go to the swings' She obviously nodded furiously and was picked up. I said to him, I could have done that to cheer her up and he asked why I hadn't instead of letting her cry in presence of mother in law!!! Grrrr

Dd has been having a massive tantrum for the past hour and a half. I don't know what to do. She normally goes to bed nicely at 7pm but tonight is just screaming and screaming. She's obviously overtired now and completely hysterical. I've tried to reason with her, tried telling her we are not going to listen to this and will come back when she's calmed down for a night night cuddle. But when we do go back in and give her a cuddle for calming down, she then starts up again as soon as she's put back in the cot. She's 2 and 2 months and we haven't had to deal with tantrums before, she's always been really easy at bedtime. This is horrible. Sorry to gatecrash thread but HELP!

My sympathy.

Have you ruled out teething? My little one (now 2 yrs 4 mths) has had real trouble over those back molars over the last couple of months - thankfully all through now - it's been the worst teething of all.

Otherwise, I personally would get her up again for 15 mins, sit and read a story or even watch a bit of telly with her until she calms down, drink of water, then back to bed. I do realise that a lot of people wouldn't do this, but I don't think you'll ruin your bedtime routine if you step outside it in emergencies!!

Good luck!

Thanks. DH tried the telly thing but it just poured fuel on the flames and when he tried to put her to bed again she went nuts. Back molars - could be. I hadn't thought of that.

She's asleep now, but I hope this isn't the start of things to come!

It's a difficult challenge that's for sure. I tend to go on the basis that prevention is better than cure so try to avoid situations that might result in your LO having a full blown tantrum - such as trying (as much as possible) not letting her get too tired. That's not always possible of course, in which case i would just suggest trying to calm her as you would do if she'd hurt herself and when that fails ensure she's in a safe place and just leave her to it until it's out of her system. It's awful to watch/ listen to, but sometimes they just want to be left alone to wallow in whatever it is that's sent them into overload. DS has a lot of curable tantrums, but these volcanic ones i now know to stand well clear of! A friend of mine puts her DD in her bed with her teddies where no harm can come to her until it wears off - no reprimand, just as gentle 'mummy's right here, i'll come and get you when you've calmed down' so it's not seen as a punishment.

Funny you should say that, I tried the bed thing the other day and it worked. I said 'Call me when you would like a cuddle' and after a while when I popped in, she put her arms up and cuddled me. Ignoring is the best, prevention is ideal although sometimes they come from nowhere so no clue what they are about! On a day out yesterday she started one and DH managed to calm her by talking relentlessly about what he could see and distracted her into wanting to cuddle and join in.

I don't mind ignoring her and letting her get on with it when they are volcanic, finding it easier as I know she eventually gets it out of her system and turns back into her normal self!

you have my sympathy - it can be bewildering to know what to do to help a tantrumming toddler. lots of people say to ignore tantrums, but there are other ways.

interesting reading at www.handinhandparenting.org/articles which is basically a bunch of different articles united by the same philosophy, that you should do whatever you can to help your child feel connected to you. you don't have to get 'involved' with a tantrum, or even try to fix it. but you stay, and listen and BE there until the tantrum is over.

it's hard, very hard in public, but i would rather do this for my kids than ignore them. i listen to their feelings and then we get on with our day.

it's why my brain hurts so very much of the time. i hope you find something that works for you