Bizarrely wakeful baby, dangerously tired mum - I badly need suggestions

[Kenobi]

I need some help or encouragement, because I am so tired it's actually affecting my health - my skin is terrible, my back hurts and I'm not losing my post-birth weight. Plus if I don't sort this out soon I'm going to sleep-drive into a wall or something equally dangerous.

19 week old DD2 is a darling - a genuinely sweet, laidback baby. At 6-8 weeks she started sleeping from 7pm-2am and I thought I had it cracked. However, that period remains the best she has ever slept.

I don't feed, rock or comfort her to sleep at night. She has her milk, a burp then I put her down and leave the room and she normally self-settles within 5-7 mins.

She now goes down at 7pm then wakes at 10, 11-12, 2-3am, 5ish and then gets up for the day between 7-8.30am. She isn't a great day sleeper either - until recently she was only sleeping for 40 mins at a time, but since she turned 4 months she is starting to stitch together her sleep cycles and going 1 hr 20.

We are co sleeping because the idea of trekking back and forth between another room when I'm this tired is anathema, but other than that I'm pretty consistent - I leave her to cry for 5-10 mins, then I tend to feed her (too tired to do otherwise!) she takes about 5 mins from each breast. I tried rocking and not feeding but while she enjoyed it very much she didn't go to sleep! Sometimes she doesn't want feeding, she just lies there having a cheerful little party in the dark.

My mum I think thought I was exaggerating, but she took her last night. I did a dream feed at 10.30 (she took 6oz). DD then woke at 3am and did not go back to sleep, she was chatting and cooing for an hour and a half before she got fed up. Eventually mum cracked at 5am and brought her to me. She took a full breast feed and then... stayed awake for another HOUR, just chatting and waving her arms and legs around. (I lay there trying not to cry, knowing DD1 would be up at 6.30...)

Until recently DD was only taking 3oz at a time during feeds (I bottle during the day and bf at night) so I gave her a pass as I thought she was probably hungry at night, but she is taking 6oz bottles every 3.5 hours during the day now. She is a big, bonny baby, 8kg at 19 weeks. No baby that size needs to feed every 2.5-3 hours at night, surely, SURELY?!

DD is a very fussy feeder, she takes in a lot of air, and I find it very hard to get burps out of her - wind gets trapped for hours, which may be a big part of the problem.

Might early weaning help? Not wild about CIO as I feel she's too young.

I really need some suggestions as I also have a very clingy 2.7 year old DD1 who deserves better than an exhausted, irritable mother.

jenner I did that when she was smaller but worried that I was feeding her when she was only mithering rather than really waking up. It seems to make no difference either way, though of course I certainly wake up for less time!

Painting my DD1 was like that. thank you for reminding me. Doesn't seem to make a difference with DD2, though once she settles in her new room will look at whether it has had an effect.

We appear to have twin babies! How long does your DS take to feed? DD takes up to 45 mins, grr...

angel, jilted would it still be 4 month regression if it's been going on since birth? There's nothing to regress from

Will check out those links.

DD was awake from 4am-6.30am so slightly better... I think tonight will be worse (just because babies always seem to be two steps forward and one back) but only offering her water between 12-5 does seem to be possible - she was tired but not distressed.

Thank you again everybody who replied. MN's hive mind is brilliant as ever.

xx

'Regression' is a misleading term. 'Developmental leap during which your child will find it difficult to go to / stay asleep, irrespective of what previous patterns were' would be a better description.

You have to remember that they're all different though - what helps one child isn't what will help another, so it's worth experimenting. For example, my DS has always woken far more often when not co-sleeping.

It's not recommended that bf babies under 6 months should be given water as it can have a negative effect on their health. There's info on Kellymom.

It's also worth being aware that not every mother's supply would survive bf'ing only twice a day from such a young age.

You can read more about the sleep regression here and here.

Yup - my ds was doing this until very recently - cooing, playing at night, waking as often as you describe... he's my 3rd and worst for sleep, so I have 2 older ones to entertain too. He's in our room - we're having building work done, so no choice.
He definitely had a sleep regression, though, like you, it wasn't much of a regression as he'd always been awful. He's also big - 10lbs at birth, but that doesn't help.
But - over the last couple of weeks he's started to get better - now doing 7pm-1am-4/5am-7.30am He's still quite chatty at 5am, but I put him in his cot and ignore him. Tbh, I'm so fucking knackered I usually fall asleep before he does. He's now 24 weeks.
It's a grind - and I feel your pain - but keep going. Dark room, no chatting etc etc. The way I look at it is that this phase is such a very, very short time in the grand scheme of things.

Hi all,

My nights in the last few days:
night 3: woke at 3am, cooed until 3.30, then started to cry. I rocked her until 4am, then fed her as it was clear she was properly hungry.
night 4: woke at 2.30, cooed for 30 mins, went back to sleep by herself.
night 5 (last night): very unsettled in the early evening, dream feed at 11pm, slept til 5.30!

I feel amazing today. I know it might go backwards to several wakes again but the hope that she might accept going from 11-4/5am really helps. I don't expect anything more from her. She is also concentrating a bit harder on food during the day, she took 7oz at lunch yesterday.

angel I tried her with water before I saw your post/link (night 3), but she was so horrified I haven't tried again since, so she clearly knows what's best!

Also I think you are right - my milk supply might be running very low as I got my period this am, so may be the end of breastfeeding for me

thank you again everyone

phlossie out of curiosity, have you started weaning yet?

Yes - I started at around 21 weeks. But I'd try hungry baby milk first - my ds was grabbing food etc - I didn't start weaning for sleep - there's hardly any calories in a bit of pear anyway. Also, fwiw, he was up chatting from 5-6.40am today anyway! Old habits and all that....

Glad you're getting some better sleep!