7yo DD talking to us like dirt - its upsetting and frustrating and i dont know how to deal with it.

[Lucyellensmum99]

My DD is a lovely, loving and caring little girl - everyone tells me this, and of course they are right, she is.

But she has turned into a teenager over the past few months, she just gets grouchy and grumpy and does her best kevin and perry impression. Its all about tone of voice and attitude really. I feel helpless actually, we don't smack and i just feel that nothing is working. The problem is, when she talks to me like that (and to a lesser extent DP - he is lovely daddy who always lets her do what she likes and has more patience than mean mummy) i do tend to bite and snap back at her. I've tried telling her that she is upsetting mummy and daddy when she talks to us like that. She doesn't talk to other people that way, thankfully and obviously.

I am at my wits end with it, and to be honest the only thing stopping me from despairing, is that i regularly see similar behaviour from other children of similar ages.

Arguing back, talking in antagonistic manner, shouting at me, refusing to do things - sound familiar?

Does anyone have any strategies for dealing with this?

I never would have dreamed of talking to my parents this way, and i said this to my DP, would you have spoken to your parents like that - we both said no, we would have got a smack in the mouth and sent to bed! I am not saying i am even considering smacking my DD but i just don't feel i have any "tools" with which to discipline her. Taking away toys? doesn't care. Stopping her doing things she enjoys - i threaten this, but have never followed through, but i don't want to stop her having fun and also in a way i feel that is too harsh just or answering back.

So frustrated.

You've just answeered yourself! You're going to have to start following through with threats to stop doing something she really wants to do. Looks like she knows you're a soft touch and there won;t be any real punishment so she can carry on as she likes.

I'd give her two warnings then would take away something she wanted. I don't think it's too harsh! She has to learn there are unacceptable and acceptable ways to talk to you adn your dh. Try reading 1-2-3 Discipline - it has some great ideas.

You are not alone.
see here
DD is VERY difficult at the moment. Sri ping around, answering back, blatant rudeness. She has deuces me to tears this week be being ungrateful and, to my shame, I have responded with some mean words of my own.

I also never follow through on stopping her from going to meet friends because then I would never go and see my friends (their parents).

BUT we have found that going fit back to basics with positive parenting is helps a bit. Lots of praise for the smallest bit of kindness or politeness. She has even asked for a reward chart like her brothers (he is four and gets a bakugan for every ten stars- about once a fortnight- she has asked for the same for Zoobles) so I am lifting my chin, remembering that I am trying my best and hoping she grows of it.

I also think that she is simply desperate to e grown up. She has suddenly developed an interest in clothes, hair and even boys (!). I think she sees some of the older girls at school full of attitude and thinks that's what it is to be grown up. I am hoping that as she gets a bit more mature she will value kindness more!!

Oh yes, 1-2-3 Magic was recommended to us too. I bought it but haven't opened it yet!!

You could be describing our dd6. I am frequently in tears about her 'attitude'. I agree that carrying through threats, although it's really hard, has to be the only way to go :( she is never as bad with my dh as he is actually a lot stricter whereas I tend to cave in. It's awful though, especially when people just don't believe me! Her teachers last term thought she was the most wonderful little girl. one went so far as to say 'If they were all like her, our job would be a pleasure' . I guess the positive is that they feel comfortable enough and secure enought to 'test boundaries' it's a pain in the bum though

Thanks pied, you are right, its not what i wanted to hear though :) I will have difficulties persuading my DP as we already clash over discipline as he thinks im too harsh. He is Mr Anything for an easy life and i often just give up because i know he will "take her side" which is ridiculous because she is only 7 and im not against her but you know what i mean. Will have a look at that book.

ha! butthisismyname my DD was described as "a lovely softly spoken little girl who is a pleasure to teach" i wondered if the teacher had sent the wrong report home!!!!

When my 7 year old does this, I don't tell her she is upsetting me - I say she is rude, this behaviour is unacceptable and if she carries on something unpleasant will happen. And I mean it and she knows this and so far it's working as she will stop and say sorry.

I think it is perfectly normal for them to act up like this, it is part of growing up and testing your power etc but I don't think you are doing her any favours in the long term by not showing her the consequences of her actions. I take the view that I work hard to pay for the roof over her head, clothes on her back etc so if she wants to disrespect me she can do so when she has her own house and buys her own food. Until then, she is polite or faces consequences.

Never ever threaten anything that you are not willing to do.

You also need to know ( and exain to your dh) that you are not your dds friend. You are her parents and you need to start behaving that way.

She acts like this because you allow her to.

dd1 rolled her eyes at me earlier on today (1st time she's been caught!). She won't be doing it for a while (or at least wil make sure she's not caught!). We have confiscated ds, tv and computer time. For the most time she is brill but I can always tell when she's spent time with one friend in particular.

I do know it'll get bad again, but I won't tolerate it at her age (8) and neither should you