Dd is constantly ripping things. How can I get through to her?

[Indith]

Anything she gets her hands on. I've just done in intricate jigsaw puzzle with superglue to put the wallpaper next to her bed back together. I've trimmed down ds's huge poster of the UK to remove all the little boxes of info round the edge because dd had ripped most of it off. Thankfully just the map part was ok and fits into a frame so she can;t do more damage. Any paper she can get she rips. All her craft she does now when she asks to get stuff out involves covering paper with stickers, ripping it into shreds and putting it back together which is fine but then it extends to the label on B&SIL's souveniers when we were at their house, the posters, the wallpaper, books, boxes, puzzle pieces. Today she was found biting chunks out of the foam american football sent as a present when ds2 was born.

She is 3, she just doesn't get that you don't break stuff. How do I get through to her? Or will it just pass? I don't remember ds1 having a phase like this. He got a little experimental when he was 4 or so but he stopped after breaking a couple of toys. I am bloody close to taking a pair of scissors to her beloved lions to sho her how it makes people feel when you break their stuff. Obviously i won't ever do that. I don't mind breaking stuff by accident or even the odd "what happens if I bend it this way" but the constant mindless shredding of stuff is making me see red.

Keep it it of her way. Supervise her to the extent that she isn't allowed it of the room without you. Make her life really restricted, and every time she complains, explain that because she has breaking people's things, she doesn't get to play without an adult in the room now.

Except I can't sit in her bedroom all night. I sometimes have to do things with ds1, I have to put ds2 down for naps and feed him, cook dinner that sort of thing. We have a pretty small house and 99% of the time she is in the same room. The poster thing happened in the 30 seconds she got to the bedroom before I did one bedtime because ds1 needed help with something.

Take it away ..... Put some high shelves up and put rippable things on the high shelves.

I had one of these children, and to an extent still do. If they aren't 'getting' that they mustn't do it, you have to make it impossible for them to do it.

A play pen? Dd is almost 3 and when she's being dreadful we stick her in that. We have to tie the door shut now because she can open it!

Does she have a beloved collection of something (I am currently eying my DS's tin of Hot Wheels cars).

If so, you could remove one of the beloved items every time she rips something on purpose. Put it somewhere that she can see it but can't get to it so it is a constant reminder of what she is not supposed to do?

DS is younger at 2.5, but it often helps if I make up stories (using his toys) about a flopsy bunny doing x, and then realising that doing x is Not A Good Idea and stopping doing it. My DS loves his flopsy bunnies though! And you do have to be prepared to repeat the story/game until your head is ready to explode!

Agreeing with colditz. Take it down. No posters or books in her bedroom and limit her access to just a few rippable items at a time. If she tears it, take it away. Throw it away, even.

I know I know, take it all away until she is old enough not to do it. It is just unfair on her big brother though, they share a room and his stuff has to be where he can reach it, he needs to be able to get a book or find his ball to go play in the garden without having to ask me for everything. He needs to be able to reach the loo roll to wipe his own bottom so I can't put that out of the way (I do watch dd like a hawk though for signs she might be going to do a poo otherwise the entire loo roll ends up down the loo).

re taking stuff that matters to her away not really. She doesn't really care. She is very, very difficult to parent and I've always had to go about things differently from how I parent ds1. Put her on the bottom step she used to sing and giggle. Now she sulks because she knows she should be cross. Telling her I was cross or upset results in being told "no you are not mummy". Take stuff away and she plays with something else. Of course we try to limit rippable things and important stuff isn't in reach anyway else it will get chewed by the baby or scribbled on but lik I said, ds1 needs to be able to reach his own things.

Can you focus the ripping?

So have a box of old newspapers/bank statements/pizza menus which she can rip as much as she likes, everything else is off limits?