Another thread/help needed re DDs poor behaviour (6yrs old, just)

[PavlovtheCat]

Sorry if you read my other one which in reality was highlighting bad behaviour really, just my frustration with her clumsiness.

Even now it is not bad behaviour in that she is being mean, or rude, or angry. She is just refusing to listen, to follow boundaries and feels like she is able to do as she pleases, smiles and says 'how cute am i? and thinks it makes it ok.

background. a few late nights, she is simply refusing to go to sleep despite having a good bedtime routine (broken a couple of times). DH is in america since middle of the week and she misses him. However, this is not new behaviour, there is just more of it, and I am finding it harder to manage completely on my own i guess.

Did not go to sleep last night until 9:15pm in the end, at the threat of if she did not go to sleep we would not be able to go to see my good friend/children's godmother and her son who both my children adore, today. She went to sleep.

Tomorrow we are going on a picnic with her dance class, and yesterday in sainsburys I bought some mini sausages (and other stuff) for the picnic. I also bought her a pleated skirt aged 6. She is in between 5-6 size so not sure if it fitted/no changing rooms avail to try on, and a pack of polo shirts.

This morning, the children got up before me, after being in my bed with me since aroun 5am, went to DDs bedroom and watched a video, which I was ok with. They were playing nicely. DD came up with a polo shirt, and her pleated skirt on. I said they look lovely, the skirt looks too big, you have not taken the tag off it have you (she has a tendancy to snap them off immediately, and has been told many times to wait until i know it fits before doing this, if for example DH buys her a treat not not tried on first). She has snapped the tags off. I have told her to find the tags. She has taken the skirt off, told to put it back where she got it, on the hallway dresser with the other stuff.

I have got up, and asked her where the skirt and tag is, she cannot find either in her complete pit of a bedroom. I opened the fridge to get milk for coffee to find a pack of sausages missing (i bought two packs). I ask her where they are, she has had a 'picnic' with DS and the bears and eaten most of the pack, in her bedroom. She knows not to go into the kitchen (door is shut at night) without me and only allowed in there to eat food or get a drink when I am up (another thread about her and DH mess and my inability to cope meant i made some places out of bounds officially by shutting doors).

I am so cross. Yes I know these are not the crimes of the century and in the grand scheme of things she is not poorly behaved, but this type of behaviour is increasing, is quite new (few months) and to be honest I have no idea how to address it.

Step/time out does not work anymore (not sure if ever did really). tried reward charts for encouraging certain behaviour, only works for the behaviours/actions she finds easy to change - cleaning teeth, even worked for going to bed (will bring it back in) but not for other things like tidying room.

So I have told her that because she has lost her skirt and the tag and because she went into the kitchen and took picnic food without asking we are now not going to her godmothers house. Before the sanction she was 'i am very sorry' (she always is afterwards and seems genuine) but after the sanction, her reaction was initially to scream and shout and shut her bedroom door telling me and DS we can't go in. Now she is calm again and does not seem bothered. I think this is mostly because she thinks I will change my mind.

What should I do? what might I be doing wrong? should I cancel the trip like I have said? I feel there needs to be some bigger sanction for this continued ignoring, but, I was really looking forward to seeing my friend, and it is not fair on DS (altough 2.5 so wont be bothered either way) and it now means I am stuck at home with them. I was going to tidy DDs bedroom with her.

Or. Should I cancel the picnic instead? But she has been really looking forward to that and I am not sure that it is seriouness enough to warrant that, but then think, maybe it is.

toddler years were sooo simple compared to this!

shopiing re laying in bed while they are up to mischief. I get up with the lark normally! DS is a normal 5-6am starter, DH does not do early starts very often, so i am always up. they are never up normally on their own. And once or twice, DD has got up without disturbing us and put her video player on (she had 5 videos she can watch in her room) for both of them. But. I am exhausted and worn out and they were behaving so very well (it seemed) so I enjoyed the quiet time in bed.

Maybe that is the problem. maybe they took advantage of me being in bed as this is not normal for me to do. Guess I won't be doing that again

italiangreyhound thanks for those links and your suggestions/experience. I will go take a look at those books.

and yes the kids did have access to the paints as we had it all out to make DH a goodbye card. Unfortunately, DH did not put the art box away before he left (which lives in a high cupboard). And I can't lift heavy things up high due to having a slipped lumbar disc and other bulging discs that can tear any time. The box was in the kitchen as the children are not meant to be in there without me (and normally abide by that rule). However, as I know this needs to be done, I have just got on and moved it now. When DH is not here my back issue has to just be ignored.

DD is being good as gold today. DS on the other hand...

Pavlov Sorry to hear about your bad back. I really hope you will not strain it lifting things high. It might be worth converting one cupboard with a lock or child lock to house paints or craft (glue and other lethal items!).

Our kitchen stores all kinds of stuff we rarely use and would not miss and then would not need to put stuff up high. It is not a criticism, as we also put paints up high BUT I have noticed DD tries to stand on chairs to get stuff (which is what I need to do!) so if we had issues with paints etc in future would definitly consider converting a low down cupboard.

My DH goes away for 2-3 weeks in August every year and my 8 yr old's behaviour always goes downhill. It's like she is testing the boundaries with me and i have to get a bit stricter and lay down the law. Could she be doing this?

mrsmusic yes, I think there is definitely an element of this. Absolutely. But, while she needs to understand that is not acceptable, but, as you say, getting stricter, I also don't want this time to be the time we get to spend two weeks a year every year and mummy turns in to mean mummy. I want her to look forward to spending time with me, not dreading it as I get harsher (to combat her bad behaviour obviously!). Its a fine balance isn't it?

I have given her lots more time today. Including, after the park, tea, we have just had chcolate popcorn and watching snow white. DS fell asleep and is now in bed (i hope for good) and me and DD have snuggled together. it has been lovely and she has been good, she has tested a bit and I have made efforts to a) not let her or DS be in a room on their own for more than a minute and b) nip any bad behaviour in the bud before it escalates c) laugh more than I have done recently d) give both of them lots of praise, and positivity.

Hope it lasts, for me and them

italiangreyhound yes that is a good idea. Bad only been a real big issue since xmas and only just starting to realise it is going to be long term, so things like this are going to have to happen. Just starting to have to change the way I do things and having things up high and inaccessible for me is a bit problem (tool box, DH had to know he had something arty being done for him as I had to ask him to get the box down, bowls/glasses etc). We are going to have to think more about how/where we put these things as our storage is mostly high up!

You sound like a lovely mum. Yes to giving her more one to one time with you, this I think is what my daughter craves, (away from her annoying younger brother!)

Yes, agree with mrsmusic2, Pavlov you sound like a lovely mum - that chocolate pop corn sounds yummy! Me and DD also have dvd afternoons and she turns the living room into a cinema, our fellow viewers being her teddies! Enjoy these fun times.