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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

12 week old DD-when to start control crying?

15 replies

Jammofifi · 04/08/2012 06:49

Hi, this is my first post so bear with me!! I have two kids, DS 2.7 months and a new baby girl, my son was a great baby, slept really well with a dummy, settled himself from really early on and slept through at 4 months. My DD....another story, I have to physically rock her in my arms to sleep, or the car/buggy, she fights sleep every step of the way, I've managed to get her into a good routine in the day as her lack of sleep was making her an absolute nightmare on an evening, but she still fights going to sleep at night ( sleeps great once she's off ). I feel like its maybe too early to just leave her to cry herself to sleep but I'm also conscious that she needs to learn how to self soothe and how to get herself to sleep, she won't take a dummy, I suspect she will be a muslin/ soft toy sucker once she is older but as for now, I'm the only comfort she will take, nobody else! Help! Any ideas?

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SpottyTeacakes · 04/08/2012 06:53

No ideas I'm afraid but definitely too young for CC/CIO. If once she's gone she's fine can't you just persevere for a few more months? She's still very tiny.

Sirzy · 04/08/2012 06:54

Personally I would just carry on enjoying cuddles while you rock her off to sleep if that is what she needs. Ds was the same but as he got older he learnt to self settle on his own.

Original poster

Jammofifi · 04/08/2012 07:14

That's kind of what I'm thinking, my only problem is I've had a caesarean and my back and tummy are killing me walking her around! It wouldn't be so bad if my husband could settle her, or anyone for that matter! She's so lovely when she's awake and not overtired, I'm starting to absolutely dread my evenings pacing up and down and feel awful for my son as it seems like every time he asks me to do something I've got her attached to me and can't put her down ( screamsville!) : /

OP posts:

bonzo77 · 04/08/2012 07:17

If you are going to do it the advice is not before 6 months. There are other things you can try in the mean time.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 04/08/2012 07:18

Sounds like DS at that age.

Dont get me wrong i did cc with him but when he was older. 12 weeks is too young.

Colic?

Original poster

Jammofifi · 04/08/2012 07:23

She did have colic but seems to be through the worst of that now she's hit 3 months, I will repeat my mantra 'it's just a phase, it's just a phase ' and get on with it! Thanks for the advice everyone!

OP posts:

Sirzy · 04/08/2012 07:23

Have you tried lying her in her Moses basket and gently rubbing her tummy until she settles?

nextphase · 04/08/2012 07:26

Far too young for CC.

It sounds like the problem is actually the walking around. Could you try to move to a sitting (rocking?) in a chair, and a shh-pat or singing rather than pacing? Would that help make things easier?

To help with spending time with your son, my advice would be get a sling! I had a moby style soft wrap (or google victoriaslinglady for a cheep (inferior imho) version). It was a life saver, as I could have DS2 attached to me, so he was settled, but I also had my hands free to help DS1 do things like jigsaws, stickers, drawing, stories, or round the park. It also spread the weight, so may put less strain on your c-sec scar? Disclaimer, I didn't have a section, but a friend I know who did have a section also used a soft wrap.

It will get better, but I'd say you were very lucky in your son's sleeping habits!

changeforthebetter · 04/08/2012 07:38

Baby massage? Our local centre ran free classes a while back.

Sorry it is so hard - you must be incredibly tired. She is much too young for CC though.

AngelDog · 04/08/2012 09:41

The recommendation is not before 6 months as it can cause some children not to wake up (or parents not to feed them) when they actually need feeding - which can cause health problems. Others recommend 12 months for CC becuase they argue that many children need night feeds till then.

It is shattering, isn't it? Being unable to 'self-soothe' is totally normal at that age though.

Overtiredness could be a problem - ie being awake for too long between sleeps. Some children have more problems with it than others. My DS was awful. At that age most children can't cope with being awake for more than 1.5-2 hours at a time - if they're up for longer, they start fighting sleep. From about 3 months most children have 3 naps a day (if they sleep for longish periods each time), but will need more if they only have short naps (ie 30-40 mins long).

Sleep does also generally settle down around 3-4 months. DS would only nap in the sling at that age, and couldn't sleep at night unless he had woken from his last nap immediately beforehand. It was much better by 4 months though - I could then rock or feed him to sleep, and he could go to bed without having had the nap just before.

We have Ikea Poang chairs which bounce/rock a bit, and I used to rock DS by holding him on my lap or shoulder and bouncing. I was still doing it occasionally if he was overtired when he was 18 months and weighed 25lbs+, so you might find a sitting down alternative less difficult.

brettgirl2 · 04/08/2012 10:05

I think you're lucky at least yours goes off when cuddled. With dd2 at that age I had to put her in her cot for 10 minutes to scream then go back and settle her it was horrible. If I cuddled her she just thrashed around and screamed louder (and never stopped). As someone else said cant you use a chair, maybe a rocking chair instead?

AngelDog · 04/08/2012 11:05

Yes, it used to take me 30 mins to 2 hours to get DS to sleep at that age. I remember thinking that if by 12 months he'd go to sleep with only 15-20 mins of rocking, I would be the happiest mother alive. It did get better much sooner though!

Iggly · 04/08/2012 13:44

Alas it sounds like your first baby was very easy going so a bit of a shock this time around. My DD got easier to settle around 4-5 months - so I could feed then put down asleep. I've hardly rocked her since she was 3-4 months (she's 8 months now).

I had forgotten just how needy newborns and little babies are but it will get easier very soon for you, hang on in there. Can you get out for naps so she sleeps while you play with your DS in the park for example?

NoComet · 04/08/2012 14:11

Never!

Tried CC with DD1, but any attempt to sooth her and then leave just made her cry more.

BF DD2 to sleep for 18 months, never a problem. Co slept bits of the night and she'd go back to her cot quite happily.

DH could take her asleep when tiny and she'd settle herself when older.

12 weeks is way, way too small.

naturalbaby · 04/08/2012 15:22

at this age she's crying because she needs something or is feeling pain/cold/unsettled. It's really tough - I had a baby who would only sleep in my arms, but if you don't give her what she wants and needs then it'll be harder to settle her.
I used the GF routine for ds3 and it was a life saver. It was just what he needed, he was a very happy and settled sleeper and there was no crying to sleep (unless he was overtired and frustrated that I was late on his routine!).

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