12 month old incessant whinging - help.

[BellaOfTheBalls]

I don't know what else to do. I'm writing this in tears feeling like the shittest mother ever.

DS2 is 12 months. He's a happy, sunny, charming, beautiful little boy. When we are out of the house. When we are in the house he cries. And cries. And cries. He cries if I pick him up and cries if I put him down. He's not hungry/hot/cold/thirsty/wet/dirty/tired/teething/bored. I can give him every toy we own and he will throw them at me and scream more. He is occasionally amused opening the kitchen drawers until he inevitably shuts his fingers in them & cries again. If I pick him up he screams, claws my face and pulls my hair then cries harder because I put him down.

He's always been a very clingy baby so for the first few months I was thought it was a phase but this is now just constant. Of course when other people are around he's delightful and think my DH thinks I'm laying it on thick.

Am I the only one?

its hard having that behaviour from your child. My DS has days like this (though thankfully not all the time!) and it's getting so much less frequent now he's getting older - he's 16 months. The biggest changes I found were getting into a daily routine, so mornings we always stay in and play, I have found he gets less bored if we play together rather than just giving him toys. He naps in his cot, then we have lunch and go out for the afternoon. Doesn't matter where, but always go out until its nearly tea time! Then once we are home, the time is taken up by him eating, getting ready for bed etc a bit of tv then sleep time. We don't have to stick to it as rigidly now he's a bit bigger, but to be honest it works well for us anyway :)

Poor you, that must be really tough. Rock mentions routine and I was wondering what the structure of your days are too.

Also, is he teething and have you discussed it with your HV?

I would also try baby signing as he may be frustrated. You don't have to sign up to expensive classes, some Childrens Centres run classes and most libraries have books on how to do it.

No you are not the only one. I could have written your post for 11 month old DS. I'm not sure I have anything useful to add beyond that as I feel like crap too and have no idea what to do about it. I'm going back to work full time in 4 weeks and frankly am counting the days, which makes me very very sad.

Our day goes:

Breakfast, play time with older DS1, dressed, out (nursery, group, shops, park etc), lunch. This is where it all falls apart. Sometimes he'll nap after lunch, sometimes not. Sometimes he'll sleep for 10 mins, sometimes an hour. He might play, he might not. Afternoon BF, then play/cry till dinner at 5pm. Then daddy home, bath, wind down, BF in room & bed. His routine has unfortunately been influenced by DS1 but it is the pattern we have fallen into. Nursery always comment on what a good day he has had, always goes down for naps easily, always happy & cheerful.

Def not teething. Hes cut 2 in the past fortnight and can see no more coming through. Yesterday I treated as if it was teething (gel, powders, calpol) and no difference. Would speak to HV's who are pretty good if only I could bloody pin one down long enough to speak to me. Clinic is run by support workers who are fairly useless and am being endlessly fobbed off about his 8-10 month check.

Sorry to hear that you aren't getting the support you need from your HVs. Your day sounds fairly typical of a 12 month old's to me, but perhaps he needs a longer nap in the day? Where does he nap? If you are having trouble getting him to nap have you read The No Cry Nap Solution?

Napping is a definite issue but he's so erratic. Sometimes it'll take me over an hour to get him to nod off then he's awake again 10 mins later, still tired and still crying.

I did NCSS with DS1. Perhaps it was just me but I found it lots of lovely flowery words about how I was doing the right thing not letting him cry but no actual practical help. Like I say sure it's just me!

Ok, if you don't fancy the NCNS there are some tips here that might help

Strange reading your post as just 30 minutes ago I was telling friends the same thing about my 11 mobth dd. I think she just doesn't like being at home. She is fine in the garden, at other peoples house... most places other than at home where she just whines constantly. I think it's boredom. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Just make the most of the summer when u can get out and hopefully by the time the bad (or worse!) weather hits they will be out of this phase.

Thanks all. After an absolute shocker of a day yesterday I kept a really close eye on him today. Think there's a definite sleep factor; he woke for the day at 5.30am having been up 2/3 times in the night so was exhausted & screaming by 8.30. Out of the house, all fine, happy, charming. Got home; started screaming before I'd even taken my cost off. BF'ed to sleep and he slept for well over an hour. Had a bigger lunch than normal, absolute angel all round the supermarket, mini nap on the way home and didn't get whingy again until just before dinner.

So thank you all for focusing me on actually being proactive rather than just putting up with it. I do think there's boredom & frustration in there as well. He definitely gets bored fast, is very determined & very stubborn, in complete contrast to (fairly) easy going DS1.

Sorry turned into an essay! So glad I'm not alone & thank you for helping me out.