DD has broken one of my plants. Again. How should I deal with it?

[PavlovtheCat]

DD aged 6 always breaks things. always. She plays with ornaments, picks things up that are not hers and is pretty clumsy so inevitably she breaks the things she has. We have recently put our coffee table back (well its a trunk) and I put a plant on it a couple of months ago. She picked it up, dropped it, smashed the plant to bits (money tree). other small plants have all been removed from her reach because she has done this to many, including my Aloe Vera plant.

She had recently become better. and two days ago I put my Aloe Vera plantToday, she wanted to 'help' by vacuuming the front room. I was on the phone in the kitchen and DS (2) came in to tell me she had broken a plant! I went in to find her desperately trying to clear up a HUGE mess of wet mud and broken plant. She caught it with the vacuum hose and knocked it off.

I just despair. It is my fault for putting in back on the coffee table and thinking I might actually be able to have some nice things on display. She is 6, DS is nowhere near as bad as she ever was or still is at distroying things.

Thing is, it is not ever intentional. She does not go out of her way to break things, she is just very careles and does no think, or ask before going head on in what she wants to do.

I am meant to be going out this morning to take them to a little adventure playground which they are excited about. Due to pick up a friend on route. It is going to take an age to clear as it is wet mud so I have told her to go to her room while I calm down and think about whether we can now go out.

Am I mean to not take her out now? on the one hand she was trying to help, but on the other she is simply not listening when I tell her not to hoover, to be careful with my things and I am sick of my plants dying, ornaments being broken.

How should I handle it? DH is in america so I cant ask him for support/guidance/views.

ok, so it is sorted. She was in her bedroom wailing for daddy.

I am fed up of being mean mummy (she has not said so, but i always seem to tell her off these days) so, I have called her up. I explained that I did not send her to her room as a punishment but that I was upset and needed to think about what had happened. I told her I understand she was only trying to help me clean up and did not mean to hurt my plant. I told her I am still sad that my plant is broken but that she has said sorry and it is all ok now. I also asked her not to try to hide things when she does something wrong, but to tell me the truth straight away in future. I will still be sad but the truth straight away is better.

We are still going to the adventure playground and I have said sod the mess, i am leaving it and will clear it later. There are bigger issues in the world than mud.

Glad you came to that conclusion Pavlov.. A plant broken in accident just doesn't warrant a major fuss.

honestly?

I would not have plants or ornaments at knock-over height at home - windowsill/shelf yes, coffee table, no

and good for you, life IS too short to fret about mud, enjoy day out !

I'm glad you came to this conclusion too. She can't help being clumsy and she's still not able to pre-think (ok that might not be a word) what she does or react quickly enough to a situation. (Oh look that vaccum cleaner is about to knock the plant off, should I stop it, oh no too late)

It is annoying, but I think you do have to work around the abilities of your kids, and so yes I think you were just a bit too optimistic about her ability to avoid the plant on the coffee table.

DH insists on having a cactus (actually a cluster of them in a large pot) in the conservatory. Which is also the playroom. This irks me quite a lot (being polite there) but he says they just have to avoid it. They do. I have no idea how, since my youngest is 2. But I'm guess we are just lucky that they arent too clumsy. (wilfully destructive, but not clumsy!)

Have you had her eyesight tested? Could be the cause of the clumsiness.

I have to say you're braver than me - we have no plants at all at child height as I just couldn't trust either DD1 who's also 6 or 18m DD2 from dropping /eating/whatever them -accidentally or otherwise. I really dread anyone giving me flowers (doesn't happen very often) as I just don't have anywhere that isn't within little fingers' reach to display them (now that DD2 is developing mountain goat tendencies even the kitchen table is out).

jenji yes, her eyesight is fine. so no excuse there!

My anger rose because she told me initially she did not know what happened, and I was like 'it is in the middle of the table, and it somehow fell of the middle of the table onto the middle of the floor, what were you doing to help it get there?' it was only on taking a moment out and asking her to come back when she had a proper answer that i got it out of her! by which time i was already wound up! hence the time out (for me ). we went on to have a lovely day. And the mess is still there. i will sort it when the kids are in bed. we are watching Tarzan in bed .

yes, i have not removed all child height plants. there is just very little space to put it that is not their height.

Anyone know what I can do with Aloe Vera goo?

Dyspraxia is another thing to check for, which can cause clumsiness.

How would I know if she has dyspraxia? what are the signs? she does have an incredible ability to break pretty much everything she touches! clumsy, careless, but also largely disinterested in 'things' enough to not actually get that bothered by it for long. I remember her bedroom being so so horrendously untidy with broken toys as she tripped over them. I gave her 30 mins to remove her favourite belongings, then went in with bags/boxes and removed the Whole Lot from the floor. She initially did a half hearted 'no please no' then helped me, then as her quite large room became clear, she danced around with arms wide singing 'my room! it is lovely! i can daaaaance!' and that was the end of her tears for the toys that were archived.

Isn't more likely an age thing?

it could be, just thought it worth saying. I think it's quite common but not always picked up on.

Dyspraxia causes problems with hand-eye co-ordination and spatial awareness symptoms list: www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/services/gu_symptoms.php Awww she sounds adorable :)

I was a clumsy child, always getting told off for breaking things. I just wasn't materialistic to realise that it mattered, I'm still the same now. I do remember being heartbroken about being told off for doing things like that when I was trying so hard to help though. I'm going to try not to make my daughter feel the way I felt, I want her to understand when she's wrong but not feel upset like I did.

Pavlov just replied to you on your other thread. I wouldn't stop a day out for a broken pot plant. Kids do do funny things. We planted carrot seeds last year and I think DD (then 6) pulled them all out before they matured which annoyed me - but looking bad she probably had no idea how long they took to grow! Kids do sometimes seem accident prone or do funny things and some are more clumsy than others. My nephew is almost a teenager and constantly falls over!

lynniep your mention of cactuses/cacti?? made me wince. I once remember a friend's two year old touching one of those furry cactuses and getting lots of tiny hair like spines in her finger. Having said that DD's grandpa loves cactuses and has them around, and DD, having seen the toddler get stuck with the cactususes, knows to give them a wide berth!

commutinghell i think that is exactly it. She is just not interested enough in material things. They mean very little to her.

I don't think she has dyspraxia. It seems I have more of the 'symptoms' than she does

ok, i was reading 3-5yrs old. Just read 'by age 7' on your list. and she has a lot of the symptoms there. But, as she developed from birth, she did not have many of the symptoms present at the younger ages - she walked 2 wks before her 2nd birthday, crawling first, high levels of communication/meets milestones quickly, good social skills, not highly prone to temper tantrums (not even now really, but does get distressed easily).

But, aged 7. much of the list applies...

Difficulties in adapting to a structured school routine - no. She gets on well at school and is ok with the structure, but only just completed yr 1.
Difficulties in Physical Education lessons - has good reports from PE, loves running and high energy exercises, but is clumsy in her actions and does not have good coordination.
Slow at dressing. Unable to tie shoe laces - can't tie shoe laces. Gets dressed ok, but very slow!
Barely legible handwriting - her writing is appaling! but she is 6. I guessed it would be at this age.
Immature drawing and copying skills - drawing is ok i think.
Limited concentration and poor listening skills - very bad concentration - menioned a lot at school in parents evenings and in her school reports. Had to ask them if they were concerned, they said it is quite common at her age. listening - she switches off quickly. I noticed that when she had her 1:1 swimming lessson on friday.
Literal use of language - yes!
Inability to remember more than two or three instructions at once - yes!
Slow completion of class work - yes, because she gets easily distracted and has poor concentration
Continued high levels of motor activity - yes! including constant leg swinging, she does not keep still for a second.
Hand flapping or clapping when excited - yes!
Tendency to become easily distressed and emotional - yes! more so recently
Problems with co-ordinating a knife and fork - she is ok with this, taken some time
Inability to form relationships with other children - she has lots of friends at school but seems quite aloof wrt making friends, enjoys friends but not too bothered about having only one or two close ones, enjoys playing with lots of children.
Sleeping difficulties, including wakefulness at night and nightmares - yes. This is a big issue. She has always woken quite early, had night terrors for a while. Has nightmares quite a lot, has wakeful periods.
Reporting of physical symptoms, such as migraine, headaches, feeling sick - she often complains of her tummy hurting/feeling sick. Sometimes gets a headache and complains of her throat hurting.

But, still it could be an age thing...?

No idea if your DD is dyspraxic but can I just say I think after your initial (understandable) annoyance at what she'd done you handled the situation very well. I don't really agree with time outs (haven't found an alternative yet, DS is only 18 months) but I think sometimes it is us parents that need a few minutes to calm down and rationalise the situation and to put things into perspective. I think that explaining this to her and continuing as normal was the best thing to do. She didn't need punishing IMO because what she did wasn't intentional. I was very impressed to see how you handled things, so without meaning to sound patronising; well done!

Another thing to remember Pavlov is that everyone (including D.C.s) have different attitudes to "things' . You did handle the situation well but IMO your use of the word 'my' told volumes about yr. attitude to material things after all you do share your home with yr D.C.s Maybe you invest a little too many emotions in things. IMO yr. DD's self esteem is more important than a broken plant

weeeellll...the plant was 'bought' by DD for me as my mothers day present! so. i guess that there is emotion in it (most of my plants are bought for me by DD for birthdays, christmas, mothers day, 'love you' days, so, that makes them mine in her eyes too right? as she bought them for me?)

So, I put emotions in material things that have meaning yes. And while DD might not have the same values, it is not inappropriate to expect her to learn some respect for others values. After all, as you rightly pointed out, we all live here together.

Yes but she's 6 They forget and as you said she has bad co ordination.

What impresses me is that Pavolv's DD was trying to help. I fear we have experienced (suffered??) similar help and can only admire and agree with Pavlov's restraint and decision not to punish. We had a similar incident when DS1 tried to make tea to bring to us in bed on Saturday morning (at about 6 a.m.) in a pot we had just bought in as part of what had been an expensive tea service but we got in a sale. It toppled from the too big tray as he climbed the stairs and "All the King's Horses ....". I must admit that fortunately the early hour and having been up with other DC in the night blunted what might otherwise have been an OTT reaction. We waited till later to say that kind thoughts and intentions were lovely but that until he was a bit bigger he should just do surprises either for Mummy or for Daddy and ask the other one first if he could do the surprise. That seemed to work because he quite liked the conspiracy element doing with one parent for the other. (Fortunately the tea, having been "made" with cold water did not stain the stair carpet.)

Aloe vera are self healing plants. Shove it back in the pot and it will seal it's own wound and continue to grow.
If you look round the base, they grow new plants. Perhaps you could pot up a new one with your dd.

laudenum how long til the new plants grow? it is a pretty new plant so no new plants right now? how do i re-pot them, same as money trees? do i need to root them first or just stick it into soil? It seems ok, if not a bit broken as lots of stems are snapped! it will survive.

You can dry it out for a day or two or repot straight away. they are extremely tough plants and take about a week to completely seal their wounds but often faster than that.
My aloe veras have been knocked over, cut for use, neglected, overwatered and still survived.

Just put it back in the soil, a little water and a small support stick to establish it. Aloe will be fine.