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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Won't let me do anything, insists I play with her all the time.

12 replies

IsobelEliza · 01/08/2012 21:57

My DD is 6 and is driving me mad with her demanding behaviour. She insists I am with her all the time. I end up having to put the TV on if I want to do anything. She won't play in the garden by herself. I often use delaying tactics to try to discourage her and hope that she will get bored waiting for me and go and play whatever game or toy by herself but it seldom happens. She occasionally gets involved in a game and plays by herself but it is so seldom I'm just unable to keep the house tidy, do washing etc without DH taking her out of the house. Does anyone one else have this problem? Any suggestions how to deal with it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RaisinDEritrea · 01/08/2012 23:16

What happens if you do the washing or whatever anyway?

Do you/DH or both initiate play/games?

Dominodonkey · 02/08/2012 02:04

Teach her to read?

TanteRogge · 02/08/2012 02:13

get her to help with the washing/cleaning etc.
my two used to love washing up, dusting, mopping the floor, hanging out the washing...

sigh, those were the days, they are teens now and won't lift a finger unless nagged constantly

omfgkillmenow · 02/08/2012 02:26

get a child minder for a few hours, or have another baby! Invite a friend round to play. Get hama beads and set her at a take of making a design. Get her a hamster. get a reward chart and tick it off when she help you with the chores. get her a pretend ironing board so she and you can "iron" together. get her www.argos.co.uk/static/Search/searchTerms/CLAENING+TOYS.htm so she can "help" you

DontEatTheVolesKids · 02/08/2012 04:32

Can you involve her in the chores you need doing?

sommewhereelse · 02/08/2012 05:18

DD loves to play with me and is always asking for more. I find it works best to put her play first even if that means leaving the table not cleared after a meal, and then after 20 mins or so explain that I need to do xyz and that she can join in with me or carry on alone or ask her brother to play with her. She used to always be upset and sometimes get in a rage, hold onto my leg so I coudn't walk away, but now she understands that she is the priority but the other stuff has to be done and she accepts this.
She also now accepts that if the washing machine stops during her game, I must go and hang it out quickly because that means the laundry doesn't need ironing and I have more free time.

Tee2072 · 02/08/2012 07:00

Tell her 'Not right now, I have to do XYZ. Go play by yourself' and then go do your chore.

Sounds like she runs your house.

rrreow · 02/08/2012 14:12

Can you try and teach her patience with an egg timer? There are some good examples of 'patience stretching' in a book called The Happiest Toddler on the Block. The main gist is saying something like "I need to do something for 5 minutes, then when the timer goes we will play for 5 minutes" (and then you play properly with full attention). Or stuff like "I am doing laundry right now, we can either play for 5 minutes now or instead if you can wait until I am done, we can play for a whole 15 minutes". Stuff like that.

Hoping that she'll get bored waiting for you won't work: your time and undivided attention is probably the most important thing in the world to her. So try and manage it and her so she will get more out of the time you spend together and will feel 'fueled' enough to let you get on with the stuff you have to do at other times.

Original poster

IsobelEliza · 02/08/2012 21:51

Thank you for all those comments and thoughts. All useful. I will try to give her the attention and set up her play first, use a timer to try to extend her waiting/ patience. Also try to get her involved with chores more. Used to do this more when she was younger. Maybe make sure who is in charge too. I also think she's more clingy like this when she's not slept enough.

OP posts:

peppajay · 02/08/2012 22:08

Both my children are like this constantly demanding my attention, and I put it down to the fact that I have always put them and not the chores first. Ever since they were babies I have done loads with them which has backfired a bit as they expect to be totally entertained by me at all times and don't know how to play without adult interaction. If I ever had another child I would definitely do less with them so they learnt to entertain themselves more. I have a friend whose daughter is the other extreme she has brought her up to be very self sufficient and has never once played with her child but she has a perfect house and a child who never bothers her as she plays in her room or in the garden alone all day as she has never known anything else.

ellesabe · 03/08/2012 22:20

I have a friend whose daughter is the other extreme she has brought her up to be very self sufficient and has never once played with her child but she has a perfect house and a child who never bothers her as she plays in her room or in the garden alone all day as she has never known anything else.

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 03/08/2012 23:47

Try playing with her in a hands off way. For example organise a treasure hunt so you read the clue and help her work it out and then she goes off to find the next clue; hide 5 things in the playroom/garden/living room and then she has to find them; do a crossword with her, she can read the clues and write the answers leaving your hands free to do something else; give her a digital camera and get her to take a photo of something starting with each letter through the alphabet.

Start games and then withdraw for longer and longer periods.

Just tell her 'No, now it's time for you to play by yourself, while I do X'. Giving her a set time, maybe 30mins and a timer/clock might help and also doing it at the same time each day e.g. after lunch is quiet play time where she plays by herself for 30 mins.

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