Advise needed, ran out of ideas.

[kellibabylove]

Since DD2 turned 3 her behavioiur has become progressively worse, she was toilet trained at 2.9 years she was completely dry then she started wetting herself everytime she went to the toilet, right in front of the toilet everytime, sometimes as much as 4 times a day! She finds it funny :/ (she only does it at home, never has an accident when were out or at nursery) she has also started being deliberately destructive to everything in the house. Her toys, throwing food, hurting people. Today she decided it would be fun to open the bottle of Vimpto and tip it all over the dining room! She also likes to run the tap and flood the bathroom, she finds this particually funny. She has numerous tantrums a day usually about nothing, we will be in a shop and she will just run off and scream, nothing can calm her tantrums usually causing her to be violent & destructive. She never used to be like this. The only things that happened around the time she changed were, she started nursery 15 hours a wk, moved from toddler bed to big bed on opposite side of the room, started swimming lessons & turned 3. I've tried sticker charts & naughty spot, ignoring her, praising her limited good moments, nothing works. Everyone outside of the immediate family think she's an angel, nursery say she is lovely, very quiet n a bit shy. She can control it coz she picks and chooses her moments. But for me from the moment she wakes to the moment she.goes to bed are just hell. I just don't understand, I don't know what to do anymore. Were going on holiday next week & I'm dreading it!

When parents say that kids know how to push their buttons they really mean it! That behaviour is specifically for you. She knows how she is expected to behave at nursery and she knows she is not in control. With you she is well aware that she is. You have seen it on a million super nanny programs, until she understands that you dictate her behaviour not her this will not stop. You say that you have tried everything, can you honestly hand on heart say that you have really stuck with it the way they have to on the telly programs or have they been half hearted attempts because frankly you are knackered and stressed out?

The other issue is around good behaviour. Do you conceed to much when she is good? Are you over effusive about the smallest thing? We send a lot of mixed messages to our kids when what they actually need is uniform behaviour and a set of rules that dont change dependent on mood/tiredness/who is visiting.

Check the basics are all there, good bedtime and morning routine, fixed mealtimes, etc. If they are all there then its back to naughty step, etc but none of it will work if the basic routines are not there for her (and you) to rely on.

It is flipping hard work having a particuarly 'adventurous' child, and I guess the only other hope I can give you is that a lot changes in a year or so's time when they go to school - promise x good luck!

Thanks for the advice, sorry for taking a while to update. Toughened up my approach during our holiday of all places, lol. I knew the behaviour was just for my benefit, still don't know what caused it. Perhaps the change of scenery while we were away helped? But anyway shes being a little angel again apart from the occasional screech when she she gets frustrated. She's just started the nursery attached to school and so far so good