I really don't know what to do to improve DD1?s behaviour.
She will be turning 6 next month and has a younger sister who is 14 months old. For a short while after DD2 was born, DD1 became very naughty but we simply put that down to sibling rivalry issues and her getting used to not being an only child any longer and it eventually went away.
But recently her behaviour has deteriorated again to even worse than it was back then. She will point blank refuse to do most things you ask/tell her to do. She simply says "no, I'm not doing that" and when she is told off or made to do the things she has refused to do, she quickly changes to shouting and screaming about it.
She often just seems to get into a bad mood and there is nothing that you can do right. Simply asking her how her day at school was, for example will be met with either silence or a whiney moan and a grumpy instruction to "not talk to me".
Often when she has been told and told to do something, she'll just start shouting "stop looking at me" or "stop talking to me" repeatedly.
We have tried everything we can think of to nip this in the bud but are running out of options. A reward chart seemed to have no effect whatsoever. We have tried confiscating things from her when she is naughty or rewarding her with treats when she is good; again, no improvement. Over the last couple of weeks we have tried 'grounding' her so that she can't go out and play with her friends. Or banning her from watching TV. But they just result in her being even more grumpy than usual for the duration of the punishment and then quickly going back to normal when the ban/grounding is lifted.
I don't know if this could still be an issue with her younger sister being born (although it is over a year now so I would think she should be used to it). She had her naughty moments before DD2 was born and has always been quite mischievous but nothing on this scale. She is, if anything, over-affectionate with DD2. She's constantly cuddling and kissing her and picking her up (even though she's not supposed to do that and has been told not to 100 times). However, when I watch them playing together, DD1 is always taking toys off of DD2 and trying to make her do things she clearly doesn't want to do.
I try to do things on my own with DD1 and so does DH. But they often end unhappily, with DD1 crying about something or other. She seems to cry at the drop of a hat if she doesn't get her own way even though it does no good and we never give in to tears. My DM often takes her out as a treat but she has started to be so naughty for my DM that DM says she doesn't really want to do it anymore.
This is all so upsetting because when she is good she is so sweet. And she is very clever and articulate and funny when she's in a good mood. But when she's having a bad day, she never articulates what her problem is and just demonstrates it with acting out and being rude to us or crying.
Help?!!! Does anyone have any advice for me?