17 month old suddenly won't go to sleep

[LizzySS]

Hello everyone. [Apologies for this lengthy post - the jist is, my baby won't give in to sleep!]

Over the past month my 17 month old daughter has steadily decided she's actually not that keen on going to bed.

Until she was about 10 month we rocked her to sleep (I know I know) but after a little bit of very gentle sleep training we managed to pretty much knock the rocking on the head. She used to sometimes fall asleep straight after her bottle of milk, or after being put in the cot and left for a minute or two, would then fall asleep after a quick cuddle.

But recently, no matter how tired she is (and I've tried my best to knacker her out as much as I can) she'll drink her milk, listen to her story (or the other way round) and then sit up and start saying "Mummy", "Daddy", "shoes", "purple" or some variation on this, occasionally accompanied with slapping me on the back or poking me in the eye. Fun.

Even on the days when she's a bit less vocal she still just lies there (either in my arms or in her cot) sucking her thumb but refusing to close her eyes. And then she starts bawling as soon as I leave the room.

I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through a sudden refusal to give in to sleep like this and if it could possibly be just a phase? (please please). She's recently started walking and her language has come on leaps and bounds in the last couple of weeks so I'm desperately hoping its some (temporary) developmental disruption rather than a more permanent issue that I need to deal with?

Her routine at the moment is roughly: Wakes at 6ish. 1-2hr nap around lunchtime, dinner at 5ish, bit of CBeebies about 6.15-6.30ish, bath, milk, story, bed.

We're running out of ideas and don't want to leave her to cry for more than about 5 minutes so if anyone has any other suggestions or has been through something similar then I'd love to hear from you.

Does your daughter actually sleep during nap time?

Hi Frankii

Yes, she's usually much better at nap time - quick story and a cuddle and then I put her down and off she goes. Recently she's been doing the 'awake-thing' sometimes, but if I leave her for a minute or two (usually crying) and then go in, it seems to kick-start the tiredness and she goes off to sleep after a cuddle.

At bedtime I do a similar thing but it's been taking at least an hour or so most nights before she stops the chatting/wakefullness. I know it sounds like she's possibly not tired at bedtime, but all the tired-signs are the same as they've always been while we're downstairs / in the bath and then its like she gets a shot of adrenalin!

• cut down afternoon nap, or she may just not need one at all now she has reached 17 month.
• keep with the settled routine at night do not deviate too much, apart from

after CBeebies some exercise, walking, running playing in the garden to get her good and tired. Then maybe move the rest of the routine back by half an hour to finish at 7 ish

• if you can, always tricky do not go back into the room if she starts to cry (no matter what professionals say that is always hard) stay near the door where she can't see you but just listen she may eventually settle.

Hi LizzySS,

I'd say, you possibly need to do something about the afternoon, it may be that your daughter is needing less sleep now. Its difficult to judge. Who decided when she wakes in the afternoon, does she wake herself or do you do it?

She wakes herself usually, although I wake her if the nap runs longer than 2 hours or if its after 3.30pm. I'm not sure she'd be able to make it all day (12 hours approx) without a nap in the middle and sometimes she's slept for only 40 mins-ish and has still been a nightmare to get down in the evening.

mine dropped his afternoon nap at this age and bedtime has been a dream ever since as he's truly ready for bed at 7! he was up at 6ish had a morning nap (say, 11-11.45 then wake , play lunch and straight through till bed then) and then he dropped the morning nap by 22m, he's 2.8 now and very rarely sleeps during the day (and if he does bedtime is often bumpy), I remember thinking he'll never go through the day without the later nap but after a couple of days it was completely normal... although more tiring for me without any breaks

Hi Lizzy, no advice but we are going through something similar with 17month old dd - last night she was awake until 11pm Her routine sounds similar to your dd's.
For months previously she has gone to bed at 7pm and self settled no problem, its just been the last couple of weeks she'll be tired up until we put her in the cot and she is jumping, talking and eventually crying.

I don't think I could do controlled crying, she is very stubborn and if we leave her to cry it just seems to wake her up more.

I'm thinking/hoping its a developmental thing too, she seems to be learning a lot more words atm and has just started running about When she is up in the evening she is very awake, running and talking.

Anyway just wanted to add my support, also there is no way we could drop her daytime nap yet, she's shattered by 11/12ish, if we go anywhere in the car she drops off straight away.

Hope things improve soon!

Thanks for your comments everyone.

Brightonbleach - I think it might be too tricky to drop the nap just yet as she's started waking up earlier (just to add to the joy!), this morning she was up at 5.30am and although normally I can encourage her back to sleep until 6-6.30ish today she was having none of it and has just fallen asleep in car at 11am. Until now its seemed the more she sleeps = the more she sleeps, although maybe that theory doesn't work any more!

Ponyo - thanks so much for your I-feel-your-pain message, I read it right in the middle of last night's bedtime-nightmare. I was finding it particularly tough yesterday (hormones) and even though its incredibly selfish it made me feel so much better that someone else was going through the same thing!!!

Even though I had a meltdown, (largely due to cat pushing her way into the room and mewing just as I thought I might be getting DD down, resulting in lots of "Flo-Flo"ing and pointing at the door - arrrgh) last night was actually one of the better/quicker ones.

I actually started the whole thing a bit earlier - more like 6ish - and took a bit longer; the theory being that she might actually be overtired when I start it at 6.30pm. So, 6ish bit of telly, actually in the bath by 6.20, story, milk and in the cot by 7. She did the whole wide-awake thing as normal, but less chatting. I left her for 5 minutes. (Previously I've only left her for one or two minutes but it didn't seem to make any difference whereas 5 seemed to kick-start tired-behaviour).The first couple of mins she was whingey, then 3 minutes of proper-crying, (but not screaming). Then I went it laid her down, stroked her hair and shushed her for a bit but she just repeatedly stood up so I left her for another 5mins (this is the point I read your message which I really needed), then went back in the room, laid her down, and she stayed but with her eyes open. Couldn't face leaving her again so stayed next to the cot and shushed every time she looked like she was about to get up. Eventually managed to sneak out (on the second attempt).

It may not sound like much of an improvement, but Tuesday night took 3x 5mins of crying and so we reduced it by 1 horrible session!

Please feel free to ignore this long-winded description, but I thought I'd write it down in case its at all useful.

We're going through this now with our 17m DD we're so knackered and she shares a room with DS (3.2yrs) so he is exhausted!! She had been so good. Have you had any improvement and if so any tips??