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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3.5 yo stealing food

52 replies

Flojo1979 · 30/07/2012 22:49

My dd usually goes to nursery 5 days a wk but since its summer hols and I'm off work, its been reduced to 2 days.
A few days ago we baked biscuits together, and they were cooling on the rack, I let her have one after tea, I went to run her a bath and came downstairs to find she'd eaten them all. She blamed her brother and threw an almighty tantrum. I told her what she'd done wrong and not to do it again etc.
The next day after lunch I gave her a yogurt and went upstairs to chat to ds and she'd been in the fridge and eaten 7 yogurts. Today she ate most of the fruit bowl. And later was caught eating cheerios straight from the box.
She can't be hungry she has plenty of food.
And when I sit her on the naughty step or shout at her she doesn't seem to care then does it again.
Any ideas how to tackle her?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Meglet · 31/07/2012 00:06

Half an hour of cbeebies, you're doing better than me. Usually it's on from 8am to 7pm in this house.

Single parent too, so my kids have to cope on their own while I try to keep on top of things and not crack under the pressure! I spent an entire day in the loft the other month when it was leaking and I had to clear it out, I only responded to major hollering and to feed them.

How would a child climb out a window or run out the door anyway, mine are always locked. Chemicals out of reach, oven always turned off etc.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:06

I take them to the park, we did local activities, ds is at one every day this wk, dd not so much her age in school hols but she has nursery twice a wk and there's a family day at local park on Wednesday and like I said we baked biscuits together on Sunday. We do lots. She's on the go from 5am every day.
I need to get showered and dressed etc.
I used to be able to get up an hr before her and sort myself out first but now its at 5am I can't get up at 4am and tbh if I didn't have time out in the morning to shower etc before I start the day I think I'd go crazy pretty quickly.

OP posts:

msrantsalot · 31/07/2012 00:09

firstly get the doc to rule out prader-willi syndrome then put a lock on your kitchen. I have one on mine for the same reason, DD will empty the fridge, hide the evidence (such as wrappers) down the back of the bookcase. SHe is steadily putting on weight and is wearing an age 13 but she is only 8. I can only offer support and hope you get it in check.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:10

Thanx meglet, nice to know someone doesn't think I'm a complete idiot!
I was hoping for advice on how to deal with dd behaviour rather than told I need to get out with them more. We r never in, that's the trouble, she's not had enough discipline and boundaries at home cos we r usually on to go all the time. Now its the hols we r all happy to spend a bit more time at home relaxing in front of telly.

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MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:11

Of course you need time to shower. Your day does sound long!

At this stage then, just keep less food in the house and hide away what food you do have. She won't be like this for ever.

I do think that your DC at 7 and 3.5 are close enough in age to be treated as a team and not to need to be kept apart so much. Can you find anything that they enjoy doing together? That might make things a lot easier for you.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:12

I think i'll def check the door tomorrow and see where I can fit a lock. I can't really 'hide' the food, she opens the cupboards and fridge and i think she'll soon suss how to open toddler cupboard locks.

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MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:16

Have less food in the house? Buy little and often?

Have a fridge locked away in the garage? A cool box in the car?

I don't think you are an idiot at all, by the way. I think you just have to find a way to get through the next few weeks.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:16

Sometimes they will play for about half an hr and I put kettle on and think wow.
But usually no sooner have I thought it that ds is says "muuuuuum dd has done this" etc more often than now jumped on him, pulled his hair, bitten him or anything else she can do to get him to give her his toy or get attention, hence why I don't leave them alone often.
If ds sits next to me, she kicks off and wriggles inbetween us. Despite having 1-1 time with my every wkend and bedtime.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:17

Sorry for typos, getting late!

OP posts:

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 00:21

Basically she's like any other 3 yo dd I reckon, demands constant attention and I'm always trying to find novel ways to get her to play more independently, usually unsuccessfully!
And ds is so sweet and meek in comparison and usually ends up hen pecked. So I try to give him 1-1 time when dd goes to bed.

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BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 31/07/2012 00:21

I have a 7yo (sorry!) who started at about the same age, now his little sister copies him at 3.5.

The two things that have made the biggest difference are firstly changing the term 'stealing' (which we did) to 'Taking without asking'. This seemed to make it seem less criminal behaviour and more like an undesirable behaviour. We agreed with DS that if he asked more, we would say yes more.

Secondly we just don't keep stuff in the house. I am well aware of the amount of contraband that can be scoffed in seconds - I think it's ridiculous that you are being accused of neglecting your children. DS has taken to eating icing sugar and cake sprinkles in the past, when there were no other sugary treats available.

But now I will say to the DC, if you do X or behave in Y way, we will walk to the bakers and you can pick out a cake, rather than constantly try to guard goodies. The only foodstuffs in my house are (savoury) ingredients. Any Snacky foods are purchased for a specific purpose.

Sorry if this sounds negative, DS is improving, but I need to face the fact he cannot control himself around food, so it has become my job.

MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:26

Yep, tis late!

Do you have a shop close by? Can you make an outing to buy food for the day - on the days that you are at home with the DCs, that is? Would that give DD a feeling of choice and control? Obviously as well it would limit how much food there was at home between shopping trips.

My teenagers would eat their weight in biscuits and fizzy drinks if I had them in the house. I therefore just don't have them in the house.

MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:28

X post with bitter.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 31/07/2012 00:29

MrsBrane - does that mean I have another decade of this?

MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:29

Fraid so! :o

MrsBranestawmingtovictory · 31/07/2012 00:30

You will get so clever at outwitting them though! And they will learn to bake cakes along the way.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 31/07/2012 00:34

Ah, I could cook a 3 course meal at 9, and DH loves his food - it was probably inevitable.

MacMac123 · 31/07/2012 07:00

Agree with bitter.
Am amazed you are not getting more cross with all these people saying horrible things about you neglecting your children!
I have a 3.8 yo and I leave him in front of tv whilst I shower/do housework etc. our house is small and I check on him but you need to get on with things.

Btw, we rarely have sweets/snacks in the house at all, my DH won't even have sugar in the house as he is a health freak ( and also he would eat it all himself if that sort if thing was around and hes terrified of getting fat)
Anyway, a visitor gave us some miniature cakes which we ate but there were a few left over in their wrapping. Next morning DS came down ahead of us. He would never (as far as I knew!) go into the kitchen where said cakes were tucked into a corner, just living room.

I came down 10 mins later and he'd been into the kitchen, spotted the cake, eaten them and announced proudly 'I found your cakes mummy and I ate then'. So he knew it was 'wrong' but had done it anyway AND was smirking about it' they just have no control!

libelulle · 31/07/2012 08:17

So pleased some people have at last taken task with some of the rubbish on this thread - image of trainee social workers on speed comes to mind - you've been very patient! Re the food, I thnk her age is on your side, I know they are wiley at 3 but a lock on the cupboards and fridge as others have suggested ought to solve the immediate issue. On the other hand, eating that much does sound on the outer edges of expected behaviour to me, so it might well be worth digging deeper to work out what is motivating her, whether a medical issue, a call for attention or any other of the suggestions you've already got. Good luck.

rhetorician · 31/07/2012 20:33

I haven't any advice, but I think you are being very hard on the OP; I think I'd be of the keeping the food out of reach/not having it in the house school of thought. I agree that eating this much seems a bit strange in a child so young - my dd is the same age and will eat cake/choc/biscuits etc if given a hint of a chance, but even with these will not eat that many of them. Mind you, she isn't the best eater in the world....I sometimes leave her without direct supervision for 20 minutes or so - rarely more, but there are 2 adults here a good deal of the time, so it's relatively easy to get showered, do a bit of cleaning etc which it certainly wouldn't be if I were a single parent.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 23:33

Hi, thank-you so much for all the support and advice. It's nice to know I'm not completely alone on this!
I don't tend to have sugary snacky stuff in else I eat it all in the evenings just yogurts, fruit bowl etc tho she has been known to take bites out of a loaf of bread or eat cheerios straight from the box, but they were isolated incidents over past yr or so.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 31/07/2012 23:38

Had a hellish day. Reduced dd from 5 days (some half days) a wk to 2 days in nursery whilst i'm not working summer hols and she's been a nightmare!
Decides she wants random things and doesn't like the word no! Didnt want to go to nursery, didn't want to go to bed, wanted her bedroom light on. Kicks and screams, for about an hr for each one. Think the change in routine has unsettled her.

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wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/08/2012 00:06

There are a lot of "perfect parents" on MN who are able to devote every waking minute to their darlings. Thats great for them isnt it!!

Ignore them. You sound like a great mum. 3.5 is a nightmare age. Im living it right now and my DD has done similar things to yours wrt food.

She sneaked a carrot cake into her room while I was mopping the living room floor a few months ago. She only managed to eat a bit before I found her, but I know had I not checked she would have had the whole thing. There have been other occassions but that was the most devious.

We now make sure she cannot reach anything, I have upped her food intake and we had a calm chat about it being ok to ask and if she was hungry she could have something.

She still scavenges when she gets back from her dads, food is never far from her mind. But I put it down to her being really active and also a little bit worried about becoming a big sister soon.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 01/08/2012 08:10

Ah congrats wanna how soon?

OP posts:

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/08/2012 10:54

Thanks, end of october so not imminent but time is flying.

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