DS 4mth crying fits, am I doing it wrong?

[daisydee43]

Hi

I know im not alone but for an hour or 2 most days she cries non stop (normally between 6-9). She has probably got a bit of teething pain but I give her stuff for pain. She settles when I take her out in the pram but cries when we get back in, it seems to start when we are not showing her attention, ie when cooking, have friends round.

Really worried that I'm teaching her bad habits already, don't want her to be like this later on, don't want to never be able to do anything in the evening. Also she doesn't sleep well at night and I'm so drained now.

Is there a better way to get her into good habits - try put her to bed at 9pm with monitor on and she has her bath in mornings but this is the only routine as on mat leave atm.

Any help is much appreciated, mother in need

Thank you

Sorry, meant to put DD in the title not DS

I think most babies are tetchiest towards the end of the day and definitely will be if they've been up for more than 2 hours straight. 9pm sounds late to me....we put our DD (6mo) down at around 7.30pm. Could you try and make her bedtime a bit earlier?

Hi

Yes I could try an earlier bedtime - do you wait until dd puts herself to sleep or put her in cot awake? Do you have any bedtime routines to get her off to sleep? Does this mean she wakes up crazy early?

Thank you

I wouldn't worry about the time of bed if it suits you as long as she has plenty of sleep ie doesn't wake up at 7:30am. You need to do what suits you as a family. Does she get a good afternoon nap? What times is she taking her milk?

Will she sit in a high chair propped up in the kitchen whilst you are making dinner/ bouncy chair in bathroom etc? At this age they just need to know you are there and they love being a part of everything you do. Hearing your voice and being able to smell you are all a part of that. Will she go to your friends for cuddles when they are round? I wasn't sure if you meant evening or day when you talked about having friends over

As for night sleep, where does she sleep, Moses basket/cot/your bed? How often does she feed? What dies she sleep in ie sleeping bag/sheet/blanket etc? Dies she have a dummy, comfort blanket or toy that she loves?

Sorry for the hundreds of questions x

Hi helibee

She doesn't have a set afternoon nap, has 30 min cat naps

She has milk every 3-4 hrs on demand

She likes her bouncy chair but worried about kitchen being too hot for her as not big enough, would rather her calm herself
down on her own

Going to see friends - don't do very often but meant around 5-8pm going out for meal etc

She sleeps in a cot in our room

She likes a dummy but when it falls out she wakes herself up

She sleeps in a thin blanket or sheet, she has a sleeping bag for when it's a bit cooler

would rather her calm herself down on her own

She will be able to do this eventually, but it's not automatic. She'll need lots of reassurance & closeness to build up the confidence to know she can self settle. 4 months is a bit too young in my opinion to try and 'teach' that as she'll just be confused. From about 6 months you might try and do that (e.g. getting her to go to sleep in a cot while you're next to her to reassure her, rather than holding/rocking her to sleep).

It's really hard during those months where they can't really do much themselves and just need 24/7 holding/attention, but it does get better gradually!!

fwiw up until about 8m our DS would go to sleep when we went to sleep (11pm-ish) and would sleep until 11am (not uninterrupted mind you..). Just do what works for you as long as your DD gets enough sleep overall.

My eldest went to bed with us until he was 3 and slept till 12:30-1pm the following day (about 14 hrs). Babies can't self soothe when they are this little. They are reliant on you. I know it's hard but they aren't like this for very long. Im just eating dinner and I'll write more soon

Of course you're doing it wrong, we all are! It's one of the perks no one tells you about!

Honestly there really isn't a right or wrong, every baby is different.

I didn't put DS to bed until he was 6 months. Til then he just slept in his moses basket in the lounge and was taken up when I went to bed.

He used to want a feed at around 10 ish then have a wide awake play time for an hour before he went back to bed. Until that stopped no way could I be arsed to faff around with a bed time!

It was only when he dropped that feed that I started putting him down upstairs.

Just take your cues from her. She's far too young to be learning bad habits, she just wants what she wants.

Ignore all the crap you hear about rods for your own back, cuddle her as much as possible while she still wants you to

Some great help here, putting my mind at rest. Have got an app now to record when sleep and eat etc which is really helping - how much sleep is ideal for her age?

However much she needs Daisy, honestly, don't try and over-think it.

She knows what she needs, just concentrate on listening to what she's trying to tell you rather than preempting it.

At her age she'll eat if she's hungry and sleep if she's tired, it really isn't any more complicated than that.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself x

You aren't doing anything wrong or teaching her bad habits but agree with the others that you may be a tad optimistic if you expect her to self settle at 4 months.

The crying in the evening could be tiredness if she has had a busy day or has been awake for more than 2 hours or it could be colic. As she stops crying if you take her for a walk I expect it isn't colic though, but have a read of this and see what you think.

Can't remember how much sleep a 4 month old needs, it is all in the No Cry Sleep Solution but can't just put a hand on my copy. Its a great book BTW. Have a read of 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep too.

As for bedtime, have you tried moving her bath to the evening as it can often improve their mood? Try a bath at 6ish followed by baby massage, her milk then bed at 7 and see if that works better. Obviously though, like others have said bedtimes should fit in with your family. I know a Mum who doesn't put her 2 yo to bed till 10pm and he wakes at 9am which suits her, I like mine in bed in the evenings so that DH and I can have some time together.

When my DS would have his crying fits it was always for the same reason, he was over-tired and over-stimulated. We tried putting a routine in place around 4 months and he took to it amazingly well, he was asleep by 7pm every night and the screaming miraculously stopped. If it happens whenever you have friends round it's probably those reasons rather than "attention". Even now at a year old, we still only invite guests over after he has gone to bed so as not to over-excite him!