does your 3 and half year old still have tantrums?

[rhetorician]

and if not, when did they grow out of them? I'm getting very weary of DD's tantrums (probably 2 x a week) and feel that I don't handle them well. Today, she was told that she couldn't watch peppa pig (one episode is all she is allowed) because she tore a book cover. Everything went fine until she was in bed (we did stories etc as usual); she referred to this again, I explained why she couldn't watch it. She then ramps up into crying, spitting (which drives me demented), etc, I get cross, start shouting, more crying etc until eventually I give her a big hug and she falls asleep.

She seems incapable of learning that actions have consequences and that if she wants to avoid the consequence she needs to not do the bad behavior (this incident seems trivial now, but this is what happens a lot of the time). She is perfectly well behaved at nursery.

I feel like I am not doing this very well :(

Good grief yes! My five year old still has tantrums! DD2 turned 3 a few months ago and is actually just getting into the swing of tantrums.

Yep, we still occasionally have tantrums from our 4.9 yo and don't get me started on the 2.4 yo!

It's not easy, no one manages to stay calm all of the time even though that's the best thing you can do. In my head I know I should state the rules then ignore the tantrum but it just doesn't always turn out that way does it! We're all just doing our best, chin up

Oh god yes.....

thanks - I don't lose it very often, but when I do...I'm sure it will all be OK in the end; the fact that she is well behaved (but not abnormally so) at nursery is a good sign, right?

Ds2 is five and still has them if he is tired. Ds1 went ballistic twice over the weekend and he's seven!

I dont understand why you got angry. She's a small child, and cant control her feelings. Explain calmly then leave her. Children that age do cry mine would cry in that situ because she was disappointed about peppa pig and cross with herself. Its not a big deal.

Hate to tell you this, but my 6 year old has as many (if not more) meltdowns than my 2 year old

My three and half yr old DS is still the king of a tantrum and in fact I think they are worse now he can add a bit more meaning to it and boy does he know how to hold a grudge. Lots of dramatic folded arms and sighing. Obviously that is after the mother of all screeching.

That wasn't much help. Just meant that you are very probably not doing anythuing wrong, a three year old is still very young, and I think some are better at dealing with intense emotion than others. My five year old for example melts down at the slightest thing, DD2 on the other hand, is much more patient and placid and it takes a lot to set her off.

It's very wearing indeed, and IME the best course of action is to ignore as much of the hysterics as possible and leave them to calm down on their own. As long as they are safe etc, leave the room and, again, IME, when the attention is taken away from them, they calm down much more quickly. Then cuddle and talk.

Also, I can totally understand why you lost it...sometimes you just do!

brettgirl probably because I am sleep deprived myself and the meltdown happened a good while after the initial incident - you are right, of course, she can't help herself - but I feel bad enough as it is! Some of it is temperament Esme for sure - she is stubborn but also quite sensitive to things. Once she gets going I don't actually think she can calm down - tonight I just put her on my lap and hugged her in the end. OK, so it can go on for a while then...

Part of the problem is that she isn't getting quite enough sleep because dd2 (8 mo) wakes up very early and starts burbling (we live in a small, and not very soundproof house).

My 4.5 year old still creates a shitstorm if he's tired and something goes wrong. I've stopped worrying about it. I reckon I'm an OK mum, he's a lovely boy generally, I just figure he hasn't quite got the knack of dealing with his emotions properly. Loads of them do it. I try and talk to him calmly about it later, but it's not really a huge biggy. That's not to say I tolerate it, becuase I don't - there are consequences. I just don't think it's anything to be worried about.

all the time Yes.

DD is 3.5. She had a melt down today for no reason. She asked could she go outside. I said yes. She stormed off to her room screaming.

Ten loooong minutes later she sheepishly comes back down asking "did you say yes?" :o

thanks ladies - am feeling a lot better about it now, thanks to your input and

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, sorry if it came over that way, just trying to get u to see it differently. I think that kids that age do cry when they are punished because they just dont have the emotional intelligence to cope with their feelings. My dd (3.4) was soooo naughty when we went to the sealife centre (we have merlin passes so hadnt paid to get in). Anyway we took her home, just as we were leaving she bumped into a character from octonauts (her favourite programme) but she had to go straight out. It was 2 months ago and she would probably still cry if I talked to her about it. She hasnt forgotten and it was a lesson learned. I think you hit the same spot with yours this afternoon?

brettgirl no, I know you weren't - and you are totally right. It's hard to remember sometimes that they just can't handle their feelings (clearly, neither can I!). I think the frustration comes in the fact that she doesn't seem to learn the lesson - so the whole process feels pointless, although I am sure I have to think long-term rather than short-term. I guess too that situations that seem to be the same to us don't look that way to them - it's so hard sometimes, isn't it?

Glad you're feeling a bit better I also totally understand why you lost it. Sleep deprivation isn't good and sometimes being constantly screeched at can just get wearing anyway!

Er - yes! Most definitely!

It is hard yes. One thing that works with mine is when everything is over (and she isnt tired at which point she is horrendous) to talk to her about how punishments made her feel (she will say sad) and how we can avoid it. I also if I can try to avoid punishing her by getting her to think about how things will make her feel in advance. Not that this always works as the sealife centre incident shows as she screamed across Birmingham....

yes reviewing it when calm is good - we'll talk about it tomorrow, or attempt to. She's a good girl, really - kind and lovely and sweet. But she is very pig-headed and doesn't like being told that she's in the wrong. But then, who does?